Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

594 replies

IndigoBluey · 07/03/2026 23:54

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

OP posts:
UnhappyHobbit · 09/03/2026 19:19

Something similar happened to me recently. I was walking with a friend in a park with our dogs and we passed this man who decided to walk with us and start chatting. We are quite polite people so we entertained a little small talk but he wouldn't leave us alone and proceeded to talk at us and then show us his art work on his phone and telling us all about how he was an artist. I think we endured 15 minutes of him waffling about himself. He hardly asked us any questions so it wasn’t a two way conversation at all. We couldn’t get a word in edge ways so in the end I quite rudely talked over him and said it was nice to talk but we have to get on. He was a bit taken aback but I genuinely was annoyed. I realised that sometimes people take advantage of politeness and I’ve got to be more assertive like you were because otherwise, your precious time gets taken up by time wasting randomers.

HeadyLamarr · 09/03/2026 19:22

MNdrama · 09/03/2026 18:38

Men who think they are women...

Why so bigoted?

Show quote history

Women don't owe anyone our time or attention. Especially men cosplaying as women.

But to get back to the OP's situation, when women are engaged in reading, listening to something or watching, say, a rugby game, random blokes should leave them in peace, not feel entitled to demand their attention.

stargirl27 · 09/03/2026 19:23

IndigoBluey · 07/03/2026 23:54

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

you didn't owe him a conversation. some men are incredibly entitled. i have had the same experience except the man became very angry when i said i wasn't interested in speaking to him.

Tipsy75 · 09/03/2026 19:29

PollyBell · 08/03/2026 03:46

No one should have to talk to anyone but this men is the enemy thing gets old

And the idea that if a woman doesnt think the same as every other woman thinks the same so they must be man is a very old MN cliche I presume woman are intelligent enough to have their own thoughts?

Edited
Show quote history

"the idea that if a woman doesnt think the same as every other woman thinks the same so they must be man is a very old MN cliche I presume woman are intelligent enough to have their own thoughts?"

LoL I guess you forgot about your other comment where you got very angry because OP & other women don't think the same as you. In fact, you called their thinking "bitter & twisted." I presume you're a man or not intelligent enough to have your own thoughts instead of making men the "center of your universe."

user1492809438 · 09/03/2026 19:31

I think your 'guilt' OP in part comes from our conditioning to be polite to old people. In my experience they are just people, but some just take advantage of this conditioning and push boundaries. You were absolutely right, would you have felt bad if it had been a younger man? I am in my 70's and was brought up to be polite to all 'old people', it took me to my 50's to recognise they could be unpleasant, selfish etc...just like the rest of us!

FourSevenTwo · 09/03/2026 19:33

It's totally ok to want to just watch the match
It's ok to try once whether someone in a pub wants to chat.
There is a chance you really looked familiar to him.

You don't owe him a chat or even politeness.
However, ignoring him for some time was part of what brought the general attention to you two.

Making hints isn't an effective communication. Especially with people not very similar to you who probably use different code - not hearing him sounds like a valid interpretation.

"That must be some mistake. Yeah/Sorry/I'm not in the mood for a chat, I'm enjoying the game now." Would probably get better results.

Switcher · 09/03/2026 19:34

It's one reason I'm quite happy to be in my late 40s. All that bullshit has really tailed off. No more lonely men apparently, they all disappeared 😆

EstherGreenwood63 · 09/03/2026 19:35

Lolz at all the affronted menz on this thread. Especially the ones attempting to pass as women. We see you fellas! 😂 And yeah, creepy entitled men are everywhere and always have been. Fuck them and their hurt feelings.

Nanny0gg · 09/03/2026 19:39

IndigoBluey · 08/03/2026 00:21

yes, it was a fun atmosphere, jovial and sporting, people clapping and cheering at a win. Yes, then when the man approached me and started asking questions, it didn’t feel like a fun atmosphere, my back was immediately up. I told him that I was watching the game and that is when he grabbed his jacket after putting it on the back of my chair, and flounced off. I’m a generally sociable person who wouldn’t ordinarily feel uncomfortable with people speaking to me.

Show quote history

Putting his jacket on your chair was a) rude and b) a red flag

You did the right thing

ThePoliteLion · 09/03/2026 19:40

He was rude. You did exactly the right thing. What a bloomin’ cheek he had.
I’m 59 and find that post menopause, it’s easier to not care a jot about a rude random man’s feelings.
x

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 09/03/2026 19:50

I often wonder if there are men out there who tie themselves in knots after an exchange just like that, with a woman or indeed anyone really, wondering if they were rude and worrying about it. I bet there aren’t many.

YANBU btw, you’re allowed to not want a conversation with someone.

jsecure · 09/03/2026 20:03

IndigoBluey · 07/03/2026 23:54

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

Eww. Imagine a world where if you approach a woman, she immediately owes you time and attention. Ah, the 1930s… yeah, no. You have the right to live your whole life unbothered by anyone else, guilt free.

ForeverTheOptomist · 09/03/2026 20:11

That's horrid. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I'd be a little alert atm and see if he's around.

(and you probably are a princess! Nothing wrong there!)

Cariadm · 09/03/2026 20:11

Putting his jacket on the back of YOUR chair would have been enough for me to feel immediate animosity towards this obvious 'chancer' 😡and I would have wasted no time in telling him politely but firmly that I was watching the match and did not want to have a conversation and left it at that, even if he persisted in trying to engage I would have just pointedly turned away from him maybe giving him a bit of a glare?! 🤔
If he still hung around expectantly after the match finished then obviously the next move on your behalf would be either to leave the pub altogether or go to the loo and sit somewhere else on your return...if he was then stupid or entitled enough to try again then he would deserve whatever you decided to say to him and if it was me it would be a very blunt and to the point in his face rebuttal without needing to give him any explanations or apologies!! 🙄

Ihatetomatoes · 09/03/2026 20:20

MNdrama · 09/03/2026 18:38

Men who think they are women...

Why so bigoted?

Show quote history

It's not bigoted to use the term men who think they are women. They think that they are. They aren't. Biological reality matters. Sex matters, the law agrees that sex based rights are important.

Facts matter.

HippityHoppityHay · 09/03/2026 20:38

The male ego is a wondrous thing.
70 year-old chancing his arm with a woman half his age.

You owe him nothing.

Firefly1987 · 09/03/2026 20:40

I think I missed the memo about having to "be kind" to men specifically. Is it one of those things that's supposed to be "internalised" so even if I say it never happened I can't prove it?

RafaFan · 09/03/2026 20:47

IndigoBluey · 08/03/2026 00:21

yes, it was a fun atmosphere, jovial and sporting, people clapping and cheering at a win. Yes, then when the man approached me and started asking questions, it didn’t feel like a fun atmosphere, my back was immediately up. I told him that I was watching the game and that is when he grabbed his jacket after putting it on the back of my chair, and flounced off. I’m a generally sociable person who wouldn’t ordinarily feel uncomfortable with people speaking to me.

Show quote history

He put his coat on the back of your chair? That is another level of creepiness!

LoyalMember · 09/03/2026 21:04

Why are asking for validation for telling an old duffer who was annoying you to do one? Who on earth would think the old tool was in the right? You did the right thing, so don't give it another thought.

QuintadosMalvados · 09/03/2026 21:26

Just because I'm not agreeing that this guy is automatically a villain does not mean that I think she should have engaged with him!!

In fact, I'd have told him to go away a lot sooner than she did.
I agree with a PP that it's best to be direct very early in the interaction.

I've gone up to guys who've made leery comments to me and asked them 'what did you say?' Probably not wise to do so but there you go.

BUT I do appreciate that guys will try to chat women up and as long as they get lost when they're told the woman is not interested, that's OK.

Men aren't bad for trying to chat women up, they're only bad if they refuse to leave a woman alone when clearly told she's not interested.

SnozPoz · 09/03/2026 21:33

He's of an age where he probably thought a woman on her own in a pub was a loose woman. That's why he was lingering and clocking you outside. Sorry you had to experience that.

ExBert80 · 09/03/2026 21:35

Women should be able to go anywhere without having to chat to some random man if she doesn’t want to. Women face so many restrictions this is just another. Even if he wasn’t being creepy he was probably going to mansplaining the sport to her. The fact that he was 70 is a red herring. I was in a cafe recently and the two cafe workers were women in their 20s. There was a man in there with a female companion in their 70s. He was staring at the two younger women a lot, I felt creeped out on their behalf. He went up to pay and he was doing this ridiculous flirting, like he was in with a chance. It was pathetic and if he wasn’t being creepy with his wife, deeply disrespectful to her.

The fact that the pub guy went off in a huff tells you what you need to know. He felt personally rebuffed. There were plenty of other men to sidle up to. He chose the lone female half his age.

YourFirmCoralBiscuit · 09/03/2026 21:47

Men aren't bad for trying to chat women up, they're only bad if they refuse to leave a woman alone when clearly told she's not interested

Nope. No 30 year old woman wants a man old enough to be her grandad trying to chat her up. It’s fucking gross. This man was pervy and delusional if he thought the OP would be interested in his pathetic attentions. So yes, he was bad for trying that because it’s revolting. Also the very fact he huffed off is indicative of his blatant disrespect towards the OP and how furious he was that she wasn’t interested in a man 40 years older than her 🤮

EvieBB · 09/03/2026 22:03

This.
Absolutely understand you weren't in the mood to chat but I would've just said that to him, otherwise its just very awkward and a bit rude....

Harhar · 09/03/2026 22:07

Why would she have wanted to chat (be talked at, probably) to a man twice her age when she was having a quiet drink and watching a match? What could he possibly have to say that she would rather stop what she was doing and listen? The sooner these blokes understand that the vast majority of women don’t want to listen to them prattle on, the better.