Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

[IndigoBluey]

I had a much needed free and solo afternoon today. Went for a long walk in the sun, coffee, just enjoyed being by myself for once. I was keen to see the rugby score and so stopped off for a drink in a local pub by myself. I am a 34 year old woman. It was such a fun atmosphere. Until, an older guy, maybe 70 saddled up to my table and started to engage in chat. I wasn’t in the mood, I was really keen to watch the match and this was the final ten minutes. He asked a few questions and when I didn’t answer he just stood right by me where I was sat down looking and smiling. I felt really awkward and aware that others in the pub were looking now. He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff. I felt a little bad after, thinking maybe I was rude and worse, he was lonely and wanted some chat but then there were other older men on their own standing at the bar so he could have chatted with them. Anyway off he went and I left after the match ended about 15 minutes later to walk home and saw him on the corner of the street five minutes along, fine as it it a small town but awkward as he clocked me. Was I rude or is it fine to say no thanks to chat to random people

No he was bang out of order. I also would not have told him my name.

A lot of older men like that still think they are a big catch and irresistible.
Yes, l know it is very sad. No matter what the age difference is.

Good on you for holding your ground.

If men bother me and wont take the hint.
Saying you have a migraine and feel sick usually gets rid of them.

I'm on the fence with this one.

I chat to everyone and anyone. Although I think you were immediately rude as the guy thought you looked familiar and it could have been genuine therefore imo you were extremely rude, on the other hand I was nice to an old man in asda then regretted it

Walking up and down the asda aisles with my trolley I kept passing an old man in every aisle and he was smiling, I was smiling, I smile at everyone 😁 tbh I thought I must know the guy. I worked in a hospice and would often have full blown conversations with people I had no fckng clue who they were but id put it down to relatives of patients.

As me and old man past in the aisle again we ended up stopping to chat. I then said do you know me to which he then ran his finger along mine on the trolley and said no but I'd like too. I made a sharp exit 🤣

"I have never, ever seen individual women do this. Ever.
You won't get 10 women sitting in a pub apart and not interacting with each other.
They usually go with other people or to meet others."

Women don't do this BECAUSE of the creeps. I'd love to go to a pub by myself and have a quiet drink by myself while enjoying the sport or the ambiance, but no, each time I have to fend off some male fucker. So I have to go with my H or a friend, and if it's a female friend, we both have to fend off a male fucker who thinks he's entitled to our time and attention and who gets shitty and mean when we signal that we're not interested.

Women SHOULD be able to sit in a pub without being bothered by some old git putting his coat on the back of their chair and trying to force deeply unwanted conversation.

I think it was a but rude to just ignore him. Personally I would have responded briefly but made it clear I wasn't interested in chat by being as brief as possible and going back to what I was doing. If he'd persisted I would have politely but firmly said I just want to watch the match.

I don't think you were being unreasonable as you don't owe anyone conversation. But you could.have handled it "better".

Men who think they are women...

Why so bigoted?

Quoted for emphasis, because the pretzeling going on in this thread to excuse the creepy fart and blame OP is amazing:

"The attempts to excuse this man's behaviour are very depressing. So far we've had
• he had dementia
• he had too much to drink
• he was lonely
• he thought she was lonely
• he thought she needed 'protection'
• he was hard of hearing
• he thought she was hard of hearing
• he thought she was 'foreign'
• he didn't hear her because it was noisy
• he thought she couldn't hear him because it was noisy
• she'd taken his seat
So many excuses and so much effort to put the blame on the OP and make her feel ashamed for being 'unkind'.
At best this man was rude and at worst he was a creep.
Well, as someone recently said, the shame needs to change sides."

There was even someone who said women shouldn't be in the pub if they couldn't handle being approached. And another who called OP an "important fucking princess". And yet another who screeched that women shouldn't think they are the centre of their OWN universe!

Misogyny/internalised misogyny at its finest.

I’m sorry but I just find the title of your post hilarious for some reason 😂

Contrary to popular belief you do not owe anyone your time, your conversation or your interest in them. Women keep being told to "be nice", but men are allowed to act anyway they want. You did the exact right thing. You told him that you were there too watch the match and then did so.
You are absolutely not unreasonable.

You were perfectly within rights to blow him off, and indicate he was exceeding your boundaries. Absolutely no need to feel anything other than annoyed perhaps. That was the beginning of a come-on. Men often think women are really only there to entertain and pay attention to them. And if you are on your own, it's open season. Women, especially young women, are not always seen as autonomous, fully fledged, separate human beings with their own lives and interests.

The man was and is unless in the meantime someone has given him a well-earned good thumping a complete twat. In 89 years, drunk and sober, I’ve never done anything like that.

Yes, since yesterday the list of excuses has grown to include

• she should have gone to a cafe
• she shouldn't be alone in a pub
• she wasn't clear enough
• she didn't use the right words
• he didn't have anywhere else to put his coat (my personal favourite)

Ignoring unwanted behaviour is absolutely fine.
Sometimes it is safer than engaging with them.
You definitely don't need to worry about being polite!

Sounds like you handled it fine. The fact he reacted badly points to the fact he's probably an arsehole, expecting a 'be kind' response from a younger woman.

I drink in an old man's sports pub sometimes, and am often known as being an 'old man' attractor.

Sometimes I don't mind (especially if I know them and they're not sleazy), but others are absolute pests. Ive grown a thicker skin about ignoring/telling them not to speak to me etc. They're not worth the headspace.

I had similar recently my mums neighbour older man around 70 (.I’m 27 for context and I’m 5ft so look much younger) stopped his car be me I didn’t actually know who it was so I just carried on walking and he reversed to keep speaking he then knocked on my mums door to say I was rude. My mum did ask me to apologise but refused I didn’t mean to ignore him but I put my safety first. Honestly if he drove off and mentioned it in passing I’d probably be like sorry I didn’t know it was you but I’m not being pushed to apologise

Oh, that's bullshit. If he doesn't get a friendly response then he should take the hint and move on. What he did was really creepy. And controlling. And rude.
OP had no option but to be fairly robust in her response to him.

Think a lot of this is unfair and concentrates on him being older. If he was your age would you have acted in the same way.

if my DH of 33 years had not approached me , we would have missed out on an almost perfect marriage. Oh and he’s 20 years older than me.

Did you miss the bit where he put HIS jacket on the back of HER CHAIR?

Fuck being polite in those circumstances.

He's a bloody creep and no-one owes him their time or attention and definitely not a polite response.

If I was feeling kind I’d probably tell him to “Oi, Fuck off Grandad”.

At least that’s what I’d say in my head, although now I’m old and grumpy, my filter doesn’t always kick in and recently I have actually started swearing at annoying men.

My DH has noticed and was quite shocked, but it’s strangely liberating after a lifetime of being quiet and polite.

Do you know many women in their 30s looking to date a 70 year old man????

He sounds to me like a typical dirty old man who arrogantly thinks a woman 40 years, yes 40 YEARS younger than him wants to date him. We dont.

No, OP doesn't owe a random man anything. She said she wanted to watch the game, and is absolutely under no obligation to divulge her name or other personal details. He didn't get a hint so she was direct. Good on her.

You owed him nothing. You should be able to be left alone to enjoy what you want to.
I actually find a lot of men just get creepier as they get older, What on earth is wrong with them?!

The 'nowhere else to put his coat' one was hilarious I agree. If there really weren't any empty seats in the pub he could have tucked it under his arm. Or, you know, kept it on. It was so obvious he was trying to stake out his territory by putting his coat on the OP's seat.

To those who think the OP was rude I say yes maybe she was, and a good bloody thing too. It was in response to this man's rudeness and lack of manners and her instincts were spot on. Asking a total stranger's name is also an aggressive thing to do and an assault on personal boundaries. The times I have been asked my name or personal info by (male) strangers who then get aggrieved and angry when I explain that it is private. The times I have made the mistake of giving random men the benefit of the doubt and end up going down the rabbit hole of their expectations; it just makes it hard to extricate oneself later on and deal with their thwarted anger. Best to just cut it off with curt rudeness at the start imo.

Are you a man?

If not, this is a really sad post.

And in either case, women should not have their personal freedoms curtailed by the bad behaviour of some men.

Eh? You’re on the wrong forum if you think blokes in dresses are even vaguely woman-like. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bigotry, my arse.

Tbh, it is a sad and misogynist post regardless who wrote it.

Well done you. A woman on her own in a pub must want the attention of a man, give me strength. Sounds like a right creep, invading your personal space by putting his coat on the back of your chair! As an older woman, I am saying from experience, never ever doubt yourself. If it feels creepy, it is creepy.