Does anyone else struggle to clean and tidy their house?

[cardiG]

I have two children, work FT and also am anaemic, which I know is a factor here. But I’m really struggling to get anything done. I sit down and can’t get back up. I the procrastinate out of exhaustion and then try and get some stuff done before going to bed, which means I am up later than I should be, and the cycle repeats itself. I feel completely overwhelmed by the thought of cleaning the whole house. DH does lots, but is often away, and I hate feeling like I’m not pulling my weight.

I am currently on iron tablets, so working on the anaemia side of things, but I don’t tolerate them well, so it’s not been so easy.

Can anyone resonate and have any advice?

I’ve started having a one hour video call with a decluttering coach each Sunday evening - we focus on say one cupboard or one set of drawers each week, I’m finding it really helpful because I know that for the rest of the week I don’t have like doom feeling of “I should be sorting out this mess” because I know it will get done on Sunday, it’s booked in. Also a fortnightly cleaner for two hours who changes the beds which helps me stay roughly on top of things.
All I do each day is at least one load of laundry and a couple of dishwasher loads. Then I rotate other jobs like…hoovering, floors, tidying the toys, putting clothes away. Can’t get it all done in one day but it doesn’t matter.

My dh had acute anaemia.. iron tablets didn't make a difference he went to a private clinic for an iron injections.. it wasnt cheap but God its been life changing.. he was like a zombie after work before.. now can stay up till 11 !! He was told it will last 2 years.. watching him he used to look so exhausted.. i was really worried and found a clinic which treats long covid.. housework can wait sort your health out if you can

Yes, tea stains etc in the sink are not like a sink full of dirty water after you’ve done the washing up.

the bleach water still looks clean and bubbly, and is fine for washing the sides - it is bleach, and will still kill all the bacteria 🙄

Completely agree

Yes- me!

I live on my own, have three pets, and work such long hours in a manual job that most people look horrified when they make the mistake of asking about them. I have struggled along with it for a few years now, but recently employed a cleaner to keep on top of it. At least my MH seems to like coming home to a clean house, and it never gets on top of me anymore! The downside is that a cleaner is a bit of an added financial stressor, so I've just started a second job to cope...

Am in 100% solidarity with you! Absolutely empathise. Work full time, 3 kids. Advice which is often dish out is to lower one's standards or get a cleaner. If I lowered my standards, we would be in squalor. I am not a near or hygiene freak but dont want to live somewhere grubby with stuff everywhere.

A cleaner is fine but really just one piece of the puzzle. What I need is a housekeeper, someone to run my home, sort my laundry, tidy up, put things away and then clean. I find the whole thing a huge challenge to maintain. I spend my entire weekend tidying and cleaning, every weekend and during the week is just keeping on top of basics like cleaning the kitchen after dinner and undoing the carnage in the living room from before we all left in the morning. Cleaning would actually be ok to keep on top of if there wasn't so much laundry. I am trying to police what gets put into the laundry basket as I suspect my son was throwing stuff in so he didnt have to fold it!

Ive also been keeping antibacterial wipes in various rooms so I can give the sink or dresser a quick going over. I have lots of containment systems where unfinished jobs are stored neatly (usually clothes to be sorted!) I try so hard to keep on top of everything and the effort really isnt ever reflected in how the place looks. This is frustrating because if I had a show home I would think the effort was worth it but as it is, I work so hard to just keep things ticking over. I often think thar if I could quit my job I could just stay at home and get on top of all of the housework! Its a full time job in itself!

I have fibromyalgia, pernicious anaemia and arthritis so I struggle with exhaustion.

My tip is to clean in the ads of a tv programme you are watching. Each ad break is around 6 minutes. I dedicate a room to each 6 minute set and that more or less keeps things ticking over.

The kitchen I do 15 minutes after breakfast, and 30 minutes after dinner while listening to a podcast. That keeps that ticking over too.

But it's hard and yes is a struggle.

We both work FT and have 1 toddler. It helps massively thst everything has a home, and we declutter regularly. We do a quick clean each night after dinner whilst the other parent does bedtime, so dishwasher; wipe surfaces; hoover. We find it much easier to do a bit each day. Every few weekends my DH will take toddler out for the morning and I’ll do a more deep clean.

Get a cleaner! Simple solution to reduce your workload

The other thing I have started to try and do is to spend 5 minutes before leaving the house (for any reason- today it is for swimming lessons) and to do a quick tidy of whatever needs it downstairs. Today I ought to be able to empty the diswasher. Maybe not re-load it, but it will be empty.

My energy is so hit or miss that I have to try and be efficient in micro-increments of time. It doesn't always work though.

This.

Too much is asked of us. Well done to those who can keep up with it, but to expect everyone to have the energy to work a 40 hour week, parent to today's expectations and keep an immaculate house is frankly unrealistic. That's at least 2 full time jobs right there.

No kids but several chronic illnesses and newly floored with ME / Long Covid and POTS. I’ve had a cleaner once a fortnight for a few years now and she ensures that the big jobs like bathrooms , kitchen sinks and hobs , flooring etc are dealt with and I can cope with keeping things reasonable between visits with a tidy up Monday before she visits - I’d honestly rather survive on gruel than give up my cleaner , is there any way you can find budget for clean even once a month ?

This is so true. We are all running ourselves in to exhaustion. I now have long Covid and I do think it was from completely overdoing it and not resting.

We need to say how hard it is. Not pretend it’s easy to keep a house tidy and do all the other jobs needed to run a household. Especially with a DH that works away and children whilst working FT. Its never ending.

Anaemia is no joke. I only got better with an iron transfusion- is this an option? I was told tablets would take 3 months to work.

Some people are very good at constantly tidying and doing 10
minutes here and there. I find it hard ( and boring) to be constantly thinking about tidying. I’m not a naturally tidy person. But I know I make it harder for myself.

Can you afford a cleaner? I would give up many things before I give up mine. And even then I spend an hour tidying for her and then the day she cleans I finally have the time to do another job like the garden or go to the tip!

Never leave a room empty handed.

A Japanese extendable sticky roller can be used from sitting on the settee when too tired to get the hoover out. Some days the hoover is too heavy to lift. The sticky roller also has a Second head which will take a wet wipe or wet cloth and again is easier than getting out a mop and bucket. I have had days when Im not up to emptying the dishwasher so I will take the plates out as I need them and pop them in the sink when used. I have a chopping board cover for the sink which hides the mess. At night I refill the dishwasher and don’t care if some things have been through the wash twice.
duvet covers are the pits. I leave them on for two weeks.

Yes!

i find that buying 8 stacking laundry baskets really helped me. One for each room for clean washing and multiple dotted about. At the end of every day we take our own basket to the right room and put it away and bring them back down with dirty washing in. I also have a basket for each bedroom, for the general clutter that accumulates. I put them on the stairs. The things that I find go into one basket and then I divide them on the stairs into the correct room. That goes on top of the laundry basket and to the rooms at the end of the day.

i bin everything that’s not needed. Every six months i go through cabinets and cupboards and I’m ruthless and get rid of anything that’s not been used since the last time.

i also have a daily list. Every list has 3 high priority, 3 medium and 3 low priority. I try to do 3 a day, cross out the ones I do. Then I carry the remainder over and add on however many I’ve managed to do. I don’t ever cancel one out. Within 10-14 days I find that I’ve done them all even if I do just the simple ones on a quick day. But I also tag team activities. If I’m running the bath, I’ll clean the loo and wipe the floor over while it’s filling. I keep the roll of bin bags in the bin with a clean liner fitted. So no digging for the new roll of bin bags ever. All clean bedding gets removed, washed and dried and the cover, sheets and pillow cases get put inside a matching case. So no digging for matching sets. Plant lights for my house plants are on automatic timers. I’ve got reminders set up on my phone for all watering, feeding, replanting etc. same for my fish tank feeding and maintenance. This also works for medication, drs apps, MOTs, gas boiler checks etc. if i send a parcel, i photograph the tracking at the post office counter.

I’ve got adhd and it’s hard and it’s taken me years to get to this point. Is far from perfect but my house runs relatively stress free.

One think I never do is come in from work or school run and sit down - that for me is fatal to getting anything done. I come in, knowing what I what to get done, and just get on and do it. I realise that can be easier said than done, but it does mean it's not to easy to procrastinate.

I've got a book on my wish list called 'Tidying the Abyss: A Practical Guide to Cleaning and Organizing While Exhausted and Overwhelmed' (by Amanda Dodson). It's described as "a gentle, hands-on resource offering mental health-sensitive, disability-informed advice for those who do not have the privilege, bandwidth, or access to keep their home—and life—in a perfectly-ordered state." If you like reading, you might find it helpful.

If you work FT you need a cleaner unless you’re on a low wage and absolutely can’t afford one.

Also - I never tolerated NHS iron tablets, I used these instead. They’re high strength but gentle.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/NaturesPlus-HemaPlex-Supplement-Vitamin-Support/dp/B0B984VYGK

A timer works for me. If I want to clean, say, the bathroom I'll set a timer for 30mins, 45 if it's not been done for too long, then clean until the timer goes off.

I was spending hours cleaning the bathroom and kitchen - one weekend I spent six hours doing the kitchen - and there's no point, there's always something more you could do. A timer keeps it manageable and forces you to prioritise.

I think cleaners are just more trouble than they are worth unless you are very lucky and have a brilliant one. We never have and have tried with three different people 😩 it’s always just been a frantic race against the clock trying to get as much done in as little time as possible so as to be out of the door asap.

Sounds like you’ve just had rubbish cleaners. If you book 3 hours say you expect 3 hours of work.

No, I'm sorry, that's just gross. It really is. The only thing I'd just rinse is my own cup if I'm refilling it for cups of tea, or my own glass for refills of water.

But if I have a drink with a meal, then my mouth may be greasy or spicy and I don't want to drink from a dirty bit of cup later on, so anything I drink from while I'm eating goes straight in the dishwasher.

No, no-one would die from a plate that is just rinsed after a plate of crisps. But would I want to eat a piece of cake from it later? Christ, no. Just yuck.

You would think, wouldn’t you?! But they all started off well but then quickly deteriorated. Plus, it was a stress tidying for them and by the time the house was tidy it was easier to clean it myself.

When you have health problems you have to lower your standards. Declutter when you gave the energy, it helps in the long run

Right don't laugh but today I found a solution for me. I live in chaos place is a constant mess due to hoarding from everyone (except me) I'm constantly tired. Etc
So my first aim is to sort the bedroom which is also the loft space. I put photos onto chat gpt and it told me what to do. I now have one half of an amazing bedroom. And I can honestly see light at the end of the tunnel. I. Got distracted at one point and asked gpt to look something up for me, it asked if my bedside table was tidy yet 🤣