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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think XH has outdone himself

184 replies

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:28

DD1 is 24 DD2 Is 18. The father is not a good man or father. DD1 is estranged through no fault of her own. Paternal grandfather died last year and DD2 was told all grandchildren were left 5K.
Few weeks ago a letter arrived for DD2 asking her to attend solicitor with proof of ID/address etc for inheritance. Nothing for DD1. She is currently travelling abroad so we assumed her father had said he didn't know where she was. She emailed the solicitors and got no response. Very upset thinking she had for some reason been left out the will (no reason she loved him and visiting him more than the other grandchildren including DD2). She requested a copy of the will online and it states 5k to all his grandchildren but not named by name.
I rung solicitors who confirmed that XH when asked for a list of his children did not identify her at all so they were unable to communicate with her until her identify was proved. I have since taken in her birth certificate.

They have been estranged for years since she was a teen. After years of letting her down and gaslighting she decided to leave it to him to make contact and he never did. This has affected her hugely. She is so upset about this.
I am sadly not surprised he is a spiteful abusive little man.
AUBU that this is pretty low even for him.

OP posts:
socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 07/03/2026 07:31

Yes, he’s vile. Make sure your daughter knows it’s all about him and no reflection on her and he glad he’s out of her life.

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:32

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

I mean read the post. It is her grandfather. And she had a close and loving relationship with her grandfather.
Her father didn't even mention her name. She didn't "expect" money. She was left it in her grandfather's will. She was never estranged from him.

OP posts:
goz · 07/03/2026 07:33

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

I think she was estranged from her father not the grandfather, it mentions her visiting the GF?

MaryBeardsShoes · 07/03/2026 07:33

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

Did you even read the OP? Good LORD.

Yeah, it’s really appalling of him!

SpanThatWorld · 07/03/2026 07:33

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

She was estranged from her father, not her grandfather. OP says she saw him more than some of the other GC. The father failed to give her name to the solicitor when asked for names of GC.

OhNoThankYou · 07/03/2026 07:34

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

You need to read the post again, more carefully this time.

PlumPlumb · 07/03/2026 07:35

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

Might be worth reading the OP again

Doidontimmm · 07/03/2026 07:35

I think socks read your post incorrectly. Of course she should receive and it just reiterates how right she was to go no contact with her father. How petty of him and how sad it would have made his dad to know how he has behaved.

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:37

Doidontimmm · 07/03/2026 07:35

I think socks read your post incorrectly. Of course she should receive and it just reiterates how right she was to go no contact with her father. How petty of him and how sad it would have made his dad to know how he has behaved.

Yes her grandfather would have been upset and disappointed in her father.

OP posts:
EvangelineTheNightStar · 07/03/2026 07:37

If xh is executor and not carried out the will instructions correctly should it not be reported?

Brewtiful · 07/03/2026 07:38

Your poor daughter, of course she should receive the inheritance her grandfather wanted her to have.

At least he's confirmed her choice to be no contact is the correct one. What a dick to not give both of his children's names. Hopefully your youngest realises he's a waste of her time after all this.

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:39

Solicitor was lovely (and a bit shocked I think) and will get sorted now.
It's not about the money. Obviously.
She feels that he still tries to hurt and punish her. For really nothing of anything. Usual teenage behaviours and standing up to him. She did nothing at all to deserve this and I think still held a little hope that he would eventually reach out.

OP posts:
Lennonjingles · 07/03/2026 07:40

Well if he ever wanted to have a relationship with DD1, then he’s blown it now, for good. How vindictive can a person be to think he can basically lie in something that’s legal and in reality nothing to do with him. Presume that’s one of the reasons he’s your ex.

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 07/03/2026 07:42

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

Duh.

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:42

EvangelineTheNightStar · 07/03/2026 07:37

If xh is executor and not carried out the will instructions correctly should it not be reported?

I believe so. Will sort DD1 money and then report him.
There is another bombshell in that a few years ago a secret son of grandfather came out of the woodwork with 4 daughters and tried to make contact with family.
XH and his brother blocked it (there is an expensive house in the inheritance left to them and I suspect money here).
I suspect grandather purposefully didn't name the grandchildren specifically to allow them some inheritance as well without annoying his 2 sons.
We will be letting them know as well after DD1 is sorted that they should contact solicitor as well.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 07/03/2026 07:42

Yes he's a prick and he's proved that she's right to have no contact with him. It's a great shame for her that she doesn't have a decent man for a father 😢

nomas · 07/03/2026 07:45

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

The grandfather didn’t exclude DD1. Are you saying his wishes don’t matter?

Redflagsabounded · 07/03/2026 07:47

So he tried to defraud her to get his hands on her inheritance.

I'd be pettying my way off to the police.

nomas · 07/03/2026 07:47

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:42

I believe so. Will sort DD1 money and then report him.
There is another bombshell in that a few years ago a secret son of grandfather came out of the woodwork with 4 daughters and tried to make contact with family.
XH and his brother blocked it (there is an expensive house in the inheritance left to them and I suspect money here).
I suspect grandather purposefully didn't name the grandchildren specifically to allow them some inheritance as well without annoying his 2 sons.
We will be letting them know as well after DD1 is sorted that they should contact solicitor as well.

I would wait for dd1 to get the money from the estate.

If you give her the money it could muddy the waters,

Thelankyone · 07/03/2026 07:50

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socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:51

Sorry yes I read it wrong! Should’ve had my cup of tea before reading Mumsnet! If she’s not estranged from the grand father of course he’s being more than petty.

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:52

nomas · 07/03/2026 07:47

I would wait for dd1 to get the money from the estate.

If you give her the money it could muddy the waters,

We wont do anything until DD1 has been sorted

OP posts:
Brewtiful · 07/03/2026 07:52

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What a ridiculously unnecessary question. Hmm

LittleJustice · 07/03/2026 07:52

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Yes of course blame the woman 😅🤣

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