To think XH has outdone himself

[BurnoutGP]

DD1 is 24 DD2 Is 18. The father is not a good man or father. DD1 is estranged through no fault of her own. Paternal grandfather died last year and DD2 was told all grandchildren were left 5K.
Few weeks ago a letter arrived for DD2 asking her to attend solicitor with proof of ID/address etc for inheritance. Nothing for DD1. She is currently travelling abroad so we assumed her father had said he didn't know where she was. She emailed the solicitors and got no response. Very upset thinking she had for some reason been left out the will (no reason she loved him and visiting him more than the other grandchildren including DD2). She requested a copy of the will online and it states 5k to all his grandchildren but not named by name.
I rung solicitors who confirmed that XH when asked for a list of his children did not identify her at all so they were unable to communicate with her until her identify was proved. I have since taken in her birth certificate.

They have been estranged for years since she was a teen. After years of letting her down and gaslighting she decided to leave it to him to make contact and he never did. This has affected her hugely. She is so upset about this.
I am sadly not surprised he is a spiteful abusive little man.
AUBU that this is pretty low even for him.

Read the OP. This is about her Grandfather who she did have a relationship with fgs

Your poor DD1! What an absolute shit heel your ex is.

Right… @socks1107 has realised and corrected their mistake.

@Thelankyone needs to stop with the woman bashing comments. OP had children with a man who turned out to be a shit. It happens.

@BurnoutGP your ex sounds like a small man with a precious ego who needs to be the centre of attention, and when DD1 didn’t fawn and pander to him and flatter his daddy ego, he spitefully cut her off to teach her a lesson. That is bad enough in itself, but to openly snub her very existence in such a petty and spiteful way, knowing full well it wasn’t what his own father wanted, demonstrates the lengths he is willing to go to continue putting her in her place. Parents should show understanding and forgiveness. She was a teenager and he was the adult. It was always on him to offer the olive branch, whatever had occurred. Sounds like he was too proud, too vindictive, so instead of being the bigger person, he showed himself to be a small and cruel man.

He isn’t fit to be her dad. What an utter disappointment. Your DD sounds lovely and kind and I hope she can use her GF’s gift to do something that makes her happy.

I presume the ExH inherits the residual estate so the less that goes to grandchildren the better for him. So, if another four grandkids are going to come out of the woodwork that's another £20K lost to him? Ha, make sure they know to claim, OP.

Solicitors always advise not to name grandchildren as new ones can come along, which would entail rewriting the will every time there is a family birth. Same should really apply to children, as shown in this case by the lost son turning up

FWIW, I think the grandfather was a fool not to name the actual beneficiaries. It would have been so much simpler to have done so, particularly as there seems to be a child of his who was unknown to the rest of the family. (If I've got that right) It shows how important it is to be specific.

Your ex husband decided to use the Will to punish his daughter for being estranged from him. He clearly thinks your daughter is at fault for the estrangement and sees himself as a 'victim'.

Your ex husband is an adult, and could have contacted his daughter to try and forge a relationship with her. He hasn't, because that takes effort, and beyond the superficial interest he isn't bothered. Of course, I'm sure to his family/friends, he's the 'poor Dad, who's daughter has been alienated, against him' and 'he's tried, but she's been poisoned against him'. The usual bollocks, these men like to say, when the truth is, they're not really bothered.

Yes, your ex husband is a nasty, vindictive man, but you already know that. Perhaps his behaviour in this situation shouldn't be that surprising. It's hurtful towards your daughter, but sadly, that was his intention. All I can say is, your daughter has made the correct decision in having no contact with her Dad. This incident should cement that in her mind, and give her no doubts at all. Be there to support her and maybe suggest some counselling to help her work though her feelings/emotions. It may then give her some form of 'closure'.

Personally knowing the family dynamics, I suspect he didn't name them on purpose so his "secret sons" children could also be entitled. I would guess they/ the solicitor has not been made aware of them. We will remedy that at a later stage

I had 3 children with a dreadful man who I stayed with for 22 years, to the outside world he was the picture of charm and kindness
my upbringing and family attitude made me think you just stayed, kept your pain quiet and created a public front

I have 3 amazing sons, they are worth every miserable hour spent until I finally plucked the courage to believe in my truth and leave

Yes she can, it is not his money to dish out. A will is a legal document and if his father decided to leave 5k to his grandchild then that has to happen and he cannot withhold the money. He can withhold information but that is rather cunty.

In not revealing the existence of the secret grandchildren to the solicitor, is the OP not doing the same as her ex?

I mean it's not really my place but DD1 has had contact from one of the (much older granchildren) trying to make contact with the family so she intends to let her know about the will

op your ExDH is beyond petty and is definitely stupid. Trying to defraud your young daughter out of money that could help set her up for the next stage - a rental deposit or amazing holiday is so low.

I imagine the solicitor was surprised both because they wouldn’t expect a parent to defraud in this way but also because you could raise it as an issue that he is not executing the will lawfully which is an knotty problem for them.

he’s also stupid because you were clearly going to find out (he wanted you and DS1 to?). He then looks very bad to DS2, wider family, family friends, solicitor. Tell everyone you can.

new secret family is an interesting twist.

A friend of mine, her dad did the same whilst married to her mum, both babies were given the same name 🫠 I just can't begin to imagine the thought process of a person doing that and thinking 'well, I'm sure this will all be fine'

What an epic tit your ExH is

And hardly the sane as not identifying your own child who you know adored and spent time with her grandfather. I don't know them, have never had any contact, was long out of the family when they appeared.

She’s not an executor on the will nor does she have an interest in the residual estate so no. Hope she and DD1 do share that info with solicitor asap though

Saves the idiot from accidentally using the other baby’s name in the wrong household 🤷‍♀️

but without commenting on the thread how would they show their judgy judgement? or attempt to subtly imply how much better they are?

Has anyone replied to socks yet?

Indeed. What an awful man, to try to deny her very existence for the sake of 5k. She made the right decision & this confirms it, but it's painful nonetheless. Counselling may help.

I hope someone does soon! 😆😎😉

That’s pretty fucked up. Being an executor is a legal duty and lying by omission like that is probably criminal.

indeed. How did the Gf have a “secret family”? Sounds like he was a bit of a shit too.

Maybe the apple doesn’t fall far?

He sounds awful but it would be the decent honourable thing to do to give the solicitor the heads up that he is being party to your Ex denying his half sibling's children their part of the estate.

Do this before money is released or it will be very messy.

Definitely report him. He is dishonest scum.

I think you might to read the OP again
1- the dd was still in touch with her grand father. They loved each other and had no issues. Hence she IS in the will!!
2- the dd isn’t estranged. It’s her father that decided to not contact her when she was a TEEN. Or are you expecting a child to still do all the song and dance to appease a crap father?
3- the will had nothing to do with the father. By omitting to mention his own daughter, he was lying. And clearly the aim was to hurt and punish her. That, in itself, is disgraceful

But yes, it has to be the dd who is wrong for exoecting to be in the will as she was to,do she was…. 🙄🙄