Should we be paying for both brides?

[ohbaby70]

Friend getting married next year. Both women. They want a joint hen do abroad. They have asked us not to cover their costs because there are two of them. Maid of Honour wants us to pay anyway. Everyone else agrees. AIBU to think it’s a bit much? It’s an extra £100.

If it matters, there are 20 of us going and it’s for three nights in Greece.

I think you need to clarify the cost Op…. First it’s an extra £100 then £1000 which is it?

The flights alone are £500.

@Pearshapedpear £1,000 is the cost for OP to attend the hen. If she contributes to cost of brides attending then that is £100 extra to the £1,000. There are 20 hens attending

No, it was never an extra £1000. You’ve misread.

I agree, it’s a very odd statement, it’s pretty irrelevant really!

its an unnecessary thing to do when it’s abroad, it’s a big expense anyway

😂🫣

WTF 🙄

Weird(o)

I have never heard of paying for the hen(s)’ hen weekend - the events are normally expensive enough as it is! We paid for a friend’s meal when her hen was a meal out and a nightclub - but a trip to Greece???
Everyone saying “oh just go on OP, just do it, it’ll be nice to do etc” must have money to burn, because there is no way I could afford £1k plus expenses for a hen weekend, plus wedding gift, plus costs of attending a wedding, plus another hundred for the brides’ hen do travel costs. Utter madness.

Not a big fan of expensive hen dos and paying for the bride. But paying for 2 brides isn't really any different to paying for one - I assume bride B's friends will also be chipping in for both, so there are effectively double the hens paying for double the brides?

Could you reference the fact that they don’t their expenses subbed, so you are being mindful of that - but to avoid looking cheap, suggest something else instead - like everyone chipping in for some nice hen games and prices, and nice decor / bunting etc?

They are all going on the hen do and are guests at the wedding - in what way could they be seen as homophobic??

Bride B doesn’t have any friends - hence the joint do.

Jesus whose arranged this do that you are all paying a grand each for 3 nights away in Greece? And then asking you all to stump up an extra £100. I’d be inclined to think I was covering more than the hens themselves at this price. The maid of honour hasn’t charged her own to you all as well as the brides has she?
you can go to Mexico for a week all inclusive for less!

Unless you're going for a specific event, or everyone is loaded then I just don't understand this.

Wouldn't you start with 'where can we fly for reasonable cost'? Then your rooms are £170 pn, is this single or double occupancy?

Is everyone on board with these costs? What extras will they be? Like a PP says, if the costs keep climbing I can see people dropping out, causing issues for the others.

This is not up to the Maid of Honour to make this call, when the brides have made their feelings clear. She needs to respect this.

You what? Here, try virtue signalling in morse code to really hammer home your point

...- .. .-. - ..- . / ... .. --. -. .- .-..

...at this time.

Yeah, but that was at that time. Not at this time.

It's not a hen do. It's a group holiday.

When the hell did hen do's become the same as a family break?

A hen do is a meal and few drinks a few days before the wedding.

This annoys me too- I have a friend who’s getting married abroad this year, and for her hen all she’s said is she doesn’t want to go away and have a big, expensive do, she’s happy with something normal and relaxed locally as she appreciates people are paying a lot to go to her wedding. But the maid of honour wants to give her a special, all bells and whistles hen and is organising a full on weekend away. There’s just no need!

If everyone else agrees it's a tough one .. i know it's annoying when they have said don't cover them ..
See it as a fun time away all of you together it's lovely they're getting married and how much have they paid for all guests to celebrate their wedding ..

The costs aren’t really the issue. It is expensive, Im not sure I’ll go, but the brides are clear that if you can’t or don't want to go then that is is fine.

I can understand people wanting to do something a bit more than a meal and a drink at the same place they go to every week.