Should we be paying for both brides?

[ohbaby70]

Friend getting married next year. Both women. They want a joint hen do abroad. They have asked us not to cover their costs because there are two of them. Maid of Honour wants us to pay anyway. Everyone else agrees. AIBU to think it’s a bit much? It’s an extra £100.

If it matters, there are 20 of us going and it’s for three nights in Greece.

What?! How does that make it different 😵‍💫

I don't know either! What the OP is describing isn't a "hen do" imo, it's a holiday.

So, the two brides-to-be want to go on a holiday before the wedding with a group of their friends? That's great, if the friends are up for it and can afford it. But I don't see why the friends should be expected to pay for the brides' holidays as well as their own.

I was joking about how bloody ridiculous the previous post. I have literally no idea what “at this time” is about 😂 or why anyone would have a different response to a hen do for a gay marriage vs a heterosexual one.

@ohbaby70 I don't know how other posters feel, but how about having a word with one of the brides? I guess that would be ruining the "surprise!" but I bet they'd be pretty pissed off seeing as they've stated they don't want their friends to pay for them.

PPS were right to suggest that you're not the only person to be galled by this request, but people are so damn polite or afraid to speak up.

Jeeez, 5 of us flights, accomodation, car hire, ferries, meals out, spending money and everything else came to less than 3k ionian island hopping in school holidays!

I'm still umming and ahhing over £100 hen do for 1 day in London, (food and drink extra).

If everyone else is on board, you might as well.

What's another £100 when you're already paying out a grand. 😂

Cheap out on the wedding present.

At this time? 5 past 4 on a Friday??

It's not the brides who are entitled, they've said not to.

It's the MOH who wants everyone to pay and I bet it's her who's got carried away with whatever's making a weekend break in Greece cost £1k pp.

Is this the wedding where the MoH is some random who barely knows the brides but for some unknown reason 'has' to be the one who organises the hen do and has gone way overboard?

What's the betting a few of the other hens are not happy at the high cost and extra cost to include the brides?

Who set the budget? Why is it so high and was it agreed/can everyone afford it? What does the £1k cover, everything, or will there be food/drink/activities on top?

You'd have to move in quite wealthy circles for this cost to be normal and affordable and perhaps if you do, it's fine to pay for both brides, but you can't really pay for one and not the other.

But it doesn't sound like you're able to just drop £1100 on 3 days holiday, just like most people would think it's too expensive.

£1k for 3 days … wow! That’s already pretty cheeky of them to expect people to pay that, then on top there’ll be a wedding gift, an outfit andnlikely over night accommodation when you go to the wedding celebration itself … that’s a lot to ask of people - £100 extra is taking the piss

When was this? 10 years ago!?

Why should any particular community be treated differently from another? Sounds rather patronising not to follow the couple's wishes.

@TheFilliesWillRiseAgain You've had a lot of responses to your posts and I'm really curious if you understand why they stirred up so much comment.

If you don't feel like replying, just give me a thumbs up 👍🏻

Nope. Bridezillas with an Iinstgram mindset should pay for things. 🙄

£1k for 3 days … wow! That’s already pretty cheeky of them to expect people to pay that,

Tbf, they can ask & people can say no.

But they don't seem to!

18 months ago.

Actually, less than that. 16 months ago.

If I was the bride I’d actually rather pay my own way. I’d feel bad enough making everyone shell out for a holiday as a hen do let alone my own costs too.

It's quite ridiculous.

Plus you have all the time it takes to get there and back, the flight plus getting to and from airports, with all the hanging around - just for 3 nights away!? Jeez, stuff that for a game of soldiers!

I'd pay £1000 not to go.

Ok so must have been in winter and for a short time as there is no way you can do that for 3k for 5 people!

And in Greece (turkey maybe off season)

Seriously ?

Why would two women getting married need any more support that a man and a woman getting married?!

In the grand scheme of £1000 on a 3 day hen weekend an extra £100 isn't a lot.

However ...... I would challenge what's happening at every meal, night out the whole time you are there? Is there an expectation that you provide another £1/200 over the weekend into a kitty? How are transport costs being covered on the island?

So while it would be nice to sub the brides, it was their choice to have a sodding hen 5 hours flight away and probably every expectation from the Maids of Honour that their costs are also covered over the weekend which they won't bother to mention until you get there. So it would be a "No unless that's absolutely it" from me.

Agree with this PP. Hen do's have got so out of hand and it's outrageous how much they cost (worst I've personally heard of is £3k!!!).

I love my friends and I do always end up paying to go on their hen weekends (the £3k one was not my friend's thank goodness, that would have been a hard no from me) and having a great time but it's often £500 a pop and if you have two or three in the same year it can eat up your own holiday fund!

I know right! I had a meal at the local tandoori for 25 people and paid for it all. Asking people to pay for themselves is really bad. If you invite people somewhere you pay. You wouldn't say hey do you fanc6 dinner and a movie and expect them to pay, why is a hen night different?