Should we be paying for both brides?

[ohbaby70]

Friend getting married next year. Both women. They want a joint hen do abroad. They have asked us not to cover their costs because there are two of them. Maid of Honour wants us to pay anyway. Everyone else agrees. AIBU to think it’s a bit much? It’s an extra £100.

If it matters, there are 20 of us going and it’s for three nights in Greece.

@ohbaby70

If they've both turned down the offer, don't push it. Put the money toward a nicer wedding gift if you have it to spare.

No way. It’s one thing chipping in an extra tenner at a meal and quite another to pay for their 3 day trip. £100 is a lot for some (most) people. And £1000 is too much to spend on a hen.

Cheaper than paying for two separate hen dos.

I'd solve the problem by not going myself, especially as your friend has made it clear she understands that not everyone will want or be able to afford to spend that much. If you were already on the fence, this would decide it for me.

Are the brides to be going to refund when the marriage fails? Bollocks to all that, a few jugs and some deeley boppers in the spoons is enough, maybe a kebab handheld while waiting for the taxi home.

WTF Brides said not to so show support for their opinions

And this isn't even the wedding, it's £1000 for each guest at the hen do!

Why though why? Do some people have that much money that they think they have to pay for other people, they’re grown adults FFS not your kids.

I’m confused. Hen and stag celebrations were usually a sign of the final night of being single. If they are both going it’s just a holiday?

If it were a man and a woman surely people would think this was strange? Nothing to do with being homophobic.

No I don’t think so. Paying £1000 for a 3 day hen do sounds a lot without paying extra for the brides. I would wager some of those 20 won’t go which will mean more than £100 if split between less of you.

Are you for real? Why does a woman friend marrying a man not deserve her friends‘ support but a lesbian friend does??!! „In these times“ - last time I checked it’s 2026 and people can marry who they want.

No. Of course you shouldn't pay. Why would they get their own hen holiday for free?

Just adding my 😂😂😂

How patronising.

They've said no, they don't want it covering.
Go with that then? If the others want to then let them crack on.
I'm too old for this shit, when I got married 500 years ago I organised my own hen do, in a town fairly local to everybody.
Taxis/lifts home or crash at mine afterwards when we all left the nightclub at 3 in the morning 😁
I don't agree with having to cover the bride's cost too on the hen night.
If she wants you there, she'll do something that's accessible to all her mates.
(Which in this case it sounds like they do, it's the maid of honour or whoever being a nob! If it was mine I'd be putting them straight if I found out what they were doing)
TLDR - YANBU 😬

3 nights in Greece for hen do.

I would never go. It's such a liberty expecting 20 people to come on holiday for a hen do. Even a destination wedding is a bit much in my eyes. So I wouldn't be going, never mind pay for the brides.

I must be getting old. A night at the local pub to celebrate is much more my style.

Exactly! £1000!! crazy! I got married in Greece and because I felt really bad making everyone fly, book hotels etc. to come to the wedding in my home country. I asked them not to do a hen party beforehand but have a nice night out two days before the wedding! It was brilliant. We danced & partied till the morning and everyone was already there for the wedding. So no guilt that they are spending more on me!

I’d be amazed if it doesn’t end up costing more. To have found 18 friends of the couple all willing to pay £1000 is unbelievable as it’s a lot of money before you’re even looking at any other associated expenses. I guarantee at least one person will drop out and it will end up costing everyone else extra. I wouldn’t go as this is not going to end well.

I don’t think I would attend an abroad hen. Too much of a xommittment

As a member of the LGBT community, I don't understand why you believe your friends would assume you were homophobic if you didn't contribute (an extra £100 on top of the £1000 you're already spending to support them)?

And I'm not sure things are particularly worse for LGBT people now than they are for women, either in the UK or globally. Your post comes across as very virtue-signally.

I think £1000 for someone else’s hen do is madness and I wouldn’t be going full stop.
However. If it was just one bride you had to cover, would you happily hand over the extra money? Or is it the principal of it being two?
Does the fact it’s two brides mean more people (friends for each bride) are going, and more to spread the cost between? Just thinking if it was only one bride, instead of 20 others going it may only be 10, and the cost of that one bride split between you all would be £100 seeing as there’s less of you to spread the cost? Maybe see it that way in your mind? I don’t know.

Why does everyone’s sense of humour fail them when in crowd? 😂@maturemummy

I’m a massive LGBT ally, but I don’t understand how paying for anyone’s hen do (especially after they were actively asked not to) is showing support. There are much better ways you can do that.

If they don’t want you all to pay I’m not sure why some people are insisting on it?

Alternatively, could it be their wedding present?

I don’t think the fact they are a same sex couple makes any difference to whether or not you all should pay!