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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

410 replies

guestsareinvited · 06/03/2026 13:18

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/03/2026 16:50

Make a list of jobs/errands for them to do while they visit.

Invite a group of people around [you'll need some friends in on it] to have a book club/seance/feminist meeting/play dungeons and dragons/knitting club - whatever monopolises the living space for hours on end .

fragglerockrocks · 06/03/2026 16:52

Get a clock that makes a different sound every hour (like those annoying birdsong ones), slightly offset the time to 6 minutes past the hour, hide it under the bed directly on the side they sleep on.

take up early morning house clearing/ practicing for your audition to 'stomp'

Borrow a neighbours smelly cat and let it sleep in the bedroom.

smoked fish is good for you - cook it every day in the run up to their visit in the bedroom they'll be sleeping in, seal the window shut.

Ensure no plugs in the bedroom are functional and the lightbulb non existent.

buy tracing paper loo roll, leave only that in the bathroom. Keep the nice stuff hidden away.

Tacohill · 06/03/2026 16:54

Perhaps you should act like a grown up and not try and bully someone.

Maybe you should move out if this person is allowed in your home even though you don’t want her there.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 06/03/2026 16:56

Shit in the kettle

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/03/2026 16:57

There must be a DIY project you can start that will create a LOT of dust? Got floors that need sanding?

Cut the grass / find something to do with power tools at 8am every weekend morning. [sadly not earlier or you'll fall out with your neighbours too - take them some choc biscuits in advance to say sorry but you need to war a bit of a campaign here]. Suggest they do likewise.....you won't mind 😂

NoahDia · 06/03/2026 16:57

I wonder which article the researcher OP wants this info for?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/03/2026 16:58

NoahDia · 06/03/2026 16:57

I wonder which article the researcher OP wants this info for?

Aw, that does take the fun out of this.

In case it's genuine, offer to host early doors playdates/nieces and nephews.

beencaughttrollin · 06/03/2026 16:58

Invite some garrulous old biddy to stay also . Tell her they are very interested in talking about her dead relatives and detailed facts of old journeys she used to take , particularly the B roads and names of villages .

Why do these types of threads always yank the misogynist troglodytes out of their subterranean slumber and deposit them here?

OP, if this person is indeed doing this specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can (a backhand compliment, I suppose) the best reaction is absolutely no discernible reaction. Don't interact with them any more than you absolutely have to, maintain a facade of complete disinterest and indifference, or if possible be absent with no explanation.

MyDeftDuck · 06/03/2026 17:01

FreshInks · 06/03/2026 13:28

Why can't you prevent them from coming to stay?

This
Why? Do tell?

bringthewashingin · 06/03/2026 17:05

Thingything · 06/03/2026 14:07

Wind yer neck in! She's under no obligation to share private information with strangers on the internet. Same for you @daisychain01

Invite Battling Bertha here…you’re never be troubled again!

NoahDia · 06/03/2026 17:06

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/03/2026 16:58

Aw, that does take the fun out of this.

In case it's genuine, offer to host early doors playdates/nieces and nephews.

Well they gave no info and didn't bother coming back, which is often a sign of what they're up to.

ThatPearlkitty · 06/03/2026 17:12

one tea bag in the caddy or small amout of coffee etc

AnotherHormonalWoman · 06/03/2026 17:19

Tacohill · 06/03/2026 16:54

Perhaps you should act like a grown up and not try and bully someone.

Maybe you should move out if this person is allowed in your home even though you don’t want her there.

Yes it really sounds like OP is the one who is doing the bullying doesn't it? And I bet they can just move out just like that, how clever of you to have thought of that and the OP clearly hasn't considered it.

idontknowwhattodo2026 · 06/03/2026 17:23

Swap the salt and sugar
put some creepy old fashioned dolls in their room
put hair dye in the conditioner

idontknowwhattodo2026 · 06/03/2026 17:24

I’m joking btw

idontknowwhattodo2026 · 06/03/2026 17:25

I would never actually do any of these things 🙃

Jadzya · 06/03/2026 17:35

It's worrying how easily posters are coming up with these! Great ideas though!

Saracen · 06/03/2026 17:35

Leave a positive Covid test lying on display in the bin. (I forget what common household substances schoolchildren used to use to fake a positive test so they could have time off school: you could Google that.)

Cherrysoup · 06/03/2026 17:39

I’m guessing mil? Remove the bed they use-they’ll have to use the sofa, obviously you’ll have to wake them up at the crack when you go to work or take the dc to school.

Cherrysoup · 06/03/2026 17:41

PermanentTemporary · 06/03/2026 14:25

Baylis and Harding?? Steady on

🤣

Imisscoffee2021 · 06/03/2026 17:49

Is it like a family home when parents are gone scenario so they feel they can descend any time as they grew up there? Or an ex?

I'd probably withhold WiFi password or change it, have a small fridge in my room so the fridge is totally empty when they visit 😅

It's hard to make someone clearly unwelcome but I'd be tempted to have a few friends over whenever they decide to come, hog the TV and make THEM feel like the third wheel they are to the situation.

Ilovecheeseyah · 06/03/2026 17:55

Say you have just had bedbugs and did they feel itchy at night? The psycho terror of them wondering will drive them mad.
subtle but so clever …

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/03/2026 18:08

Holycowhowmuch · 06/03/2026 16:28

Brilliant subtle yet really stinky

Just leave a glass of milk hidden, you'll get the aroma without ruining the carpet .

guestsareinvited · 06/03/2026 18:15

It's very tedious.

It's my mother. She owns the house, I rent it. I pay the bills.

She offered me the house so I could sell mine in September because we had a great cash offer, but I didn't know where DD would be post 16. She lives in Europe and was already planning to rent it out properly (or so she said). After I committed to selling mine, and had part moved, she then announced she would be keeping a room and proceeded to come and stay repeatedly for long periods without asking or even informing me. If she had been open about it being effectively a house share, I would have never have agreed. She used to come here for four days every six weeks which would have been tolerable. Now she is here every two weeks, and for weeks at a time. She is evasive over when she is coming or (even worse) going. She makes no contribution to household bills or chores. She repeatedly tells me it's my home, while treating it as her home. It feels very draining the way she keeps dangling the possibility of selling and almost gloating in her ownership power.

She says that she wants to sell the house, so I have offered to buy it, in cash, for full market value. She agrees, provided I match hypothetical offers then....doesn't gather any offers, won't give any valuation figures and the price she muses on varies wildly. Two weeks ago she said she would be delighted to get £250k for it. I need to liquidise more assets for that, so I checked my figures and agreed yesterday. Suddenly, a friend of a friend has told her it should be a minimum of £400k, snd we're back to matching hypothetical offers that she doesn't have. She clearly doesn't want to sell or rent, probably at all, certainly not to me. That's all completely fine, it's her house, she wasn't obliged to offer it me. I didn't ask or in any way expect her to. She only has to say so and stop all this dicking about.

I know she can't legally come and go as she pleases, but obviously I also can't just change the locks. I'm not prepared to pursue a legal route against my own mother anyway, it's not worth it. I'm looking at other houses now. As soon as my daughter finishes her GCSE's, we will be out and she can go back to Europe and do whatever she likes with it. Probably nothing.

There is nothing to do but laugh at her in the meantime. I bear her no real malice, but I am beyond tired of being kept dangling. I won't ACTUALLY put dead mice in her bed. But plotting to makes me feel better about having to put up with sharing a house with her being quite unreasonable in a situation she deliberately arranged to suit herself, apparently isn't comfortable with and won't change.

OP posts:
Yerdug · 06/03/2026 18:16

Ffs Just tell us the background instead of being all cloak and dagger.

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