To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

is this your ex husband?

just move out when he comes. Plan something lovely away from your kids and him

Take their keys and go and stay in their house

I expect they had 'Sit down Frasier' written on the back of their hand for some time 😁

This is a ridiculous post. Of course you can stop someone uninvited from staying at your home - unless of course you do not actually own the home and they do. In which case I suggest you move out.

Black rice grains also look like mouse poo - definitley put some in their bedroom. Also if you have a cat, put something nice they like to eat in there so the cat is intent on going in there - this will bolster the mouse theory.
Stained sheets. Dirty plates. Too much salt in cooking (if you do any) or if they cook, add extra salt.
Don't get food in - they can shop, then eat theirs.
Any allergies??
Heating off.

It’s very difficult to comment without knowing the back story.

Come on @guestsareinvited , out with it!!

Install fluorescent tube lights in their bedroom, but use high powered tanning tubes instead.

Buy 9 camembert cheeses from Lidl, cut a slice from each and leave them in the fridge for every time they get milk for tea.

Wedge one of the cheese behind the bedroom radiator or better still a piece of fish approaching its sell by date. If there is a hollow curtain pole in the room stuff it with some old fish or prawns.

Why would you stink out your own home?

This is just silly.

Why on earth would you engage in childish pettiness rather than just refusing the visit?

Well, obviously I'm guessing ... it could be MUCH more unusual. And OUTING !!!!!!

I'm here for the petty pettiness - sometimes petty is brilliant

Brilliant subtle yet really stinky

Why would you ruin your own carpet?
I'm puzzled by the pranks that will impact the OP as much, if not more, than their guest.

Definitely change the WiFi password and put parental controls on all your streaming platforms like Netflix etc.

Change your locks and don’t give them a key.

Lock up all your towels and toiletries.
Strip the spare bed(s).
Leave no toilet paper in their bathroom.

Invite someone who snores really loud to stay as well?

Have something that plays an annoying sound at random times of the day just something low and humming or an animal scratching to get out and when they ask about it swear blind you can’t hear it. Have them explain it in detail then when it isn’t humming and they are in full flow of the conversation ask if they can hear it as you think you can hear something

Have a friend knock on your door at 10:30 pm AND OPEN THE DOOR!

That should send anyone running away screaming.

I was going to say burn some microwave popcorn just before they arrive. Then I remembered I have no sense of smell, so maybe not.

Clown one wins the thread 🤡

Never make the bed, and leave your oldest, most bobbly bedding for them to do it themselves. Ditto for towels,

Cook the food they hate for dinner, and that comes with the added bonus of them probably also hating the smell.
Swap out things that they love whilst you are ambivalent about. Full fat milk for semi
skimmed, pork bacon for turkey bacon, brown bread for white, X Brand shampoo or Y Brand you catch my drift.
If the room they use is above or beside any noisy household appliance, use said appliance at ‘quiet times’, pit on a long wash at midnight, grind coffee beans at 6:30 am whilst emptying dishwasher.
Forget tidy and housekeeping whilst they are there. Put something down…leave it there, don’t put it away.

Get a spray bottle and put something they don’t like in there, then, spray the radiator and so, every time the heating comes on They will hate the smell.

Remove cables to everything except Alexa. Hide the Alexa and ask her to play horror sounds at various times, set random irritating songs like Bird is the Word to come on, switch on burglar deterrent at 4am. They’ll hear random hoover sounds, plates clanging etc. maybe do some cat and fart noises too.

Borrow that really bald hostile cat from Friends.

Block the WiFi

Love this thread, the neti pot lol!

Learn a new musical instrument. The bonus is you will enjoy it.

I'm learning one at the moment and my dh and children are enduring it very politely but they have no alternative place to live haha, your guest does

Edit to add - make sure you practise your scales