To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

Pull the quilt back on their bed and generously sprinkle drawing pins. Then take the light bulb out of all light fittings in their bedroom or put spent bulbs in.

I did this to my brother when I was a kid in revenge for something similar he did to me and the little *** didn't even have the decency to scream!

You already know this but your mother is very manipulative. At the moment you are doing her a favour by keeping her property in good order and she uses you for free holidays and to enable whatever game she is playing. I like all the ideas of getting valuations and leaving details of other properties around but might this push your mother to mess you about even more? Might she start giving you deadlines when you have to vacate and then say no you can stay?

Get a valuation for you own interest if you want but I wouldn't tell her. Slowly slowly catchy monkey

I don't think anything you do try and keep her away will work. She is one sneaky person

Edited as I'd missed a word out

Yes…it’s either another mumsnet wind up (like 99% of posts) or we definitely need to know the circumstances around this fiasco.

She told us 2 hours ago.

You need a cuckoo clock.

Also don't buy it off her, she will still see it as hers and she won't change. You need your own place either rented or bought.

Leave a selection of house for sale leaflets from estate agents somewhere she’ll come across them accidentally , maybe she’ll panic thinking she will lose the rent payment from you!

Just move asap

Aaaah, don't do any of these things to your own mother! However annoying she is, she presumably did birth and raise you. Maybe she secretly wants to spend some time with you, even if she says otherwise.

A few drops of optrex in their tea. They'll shit through the eye of a needle for hours

has she got any phobias you don't share? Snakes? Spiders? You might want to get a new pet.

I would also be getting up ungodly early and chanting 'OM OM' and telling her I was aligning my chakras or something.

This. 👆don’t join in with this rubbish. Ultimately you have the final say in who is welcome in your house but if that’s not the case then remove yourself and don’t give them the satisfaction

Good god don't swap decaf for full caffeine! I have a heart condition, you'd kill me!
As for subbing in decaf, yeah do it, nothing as joyless as shit tasting coffee that doesn't even perk you up.

Take the loo roll with you and back every time you use the bathroom.
batteries out of the remote and go out
change the wifi password
leave a pile of the worst bedding and towels on the unmade bed for them

Clear out the attic, garage, shed (or whatever) and pile the guest bedroom with absolute dross, covering every inch of the floor space. You're very sorry but the roof/garage roof is leaking badly.

Ah, come on. She's still her mother.

Electric shower? Flick the fuse off, power to the shower goes off but cold mains water still comes through.

I can't. I have a job and a DD in high school. I can't just waft off to a hotel for three weeks in five. I wouldn't really do any of this (well, maybe the salt....) It's just venting. I will one hundred percent be moving as soon as DD15 finishes exams. Of course I have asked her not to come, and she made a point of being here MORE to make the point that she can stay when she damn well pleases. (And I got a torrent of verbal abuse to go with it). If I bought the place, the very first thing I would do is change the locks. She can rage all she likes. I'm not having that nonsense in MY house, and she knows it.

She's got till I offer on something else to decide (And she knows. She's had a proper valuation). She can't just keep me dangling forever while she plays around with £150k variations on the price. £220k is fair, based on the work that needs doing. But given that an unfamiliar buyer won't know about the issues the house has, she might find one to go to £235, and I'd match that. They aren't going to let her swan in and out though. I think she's very unlikely to get £250, but if she does, she'll have plenty of money to spend.

On hotels.

Why don't you rent somewhere else?

Because my daughter sits her GCSE's in two months. Uprooting her now would be really disruptive and unfair.

You're not uprooting her if you move somewhere else locally. It's still only March, she's not mid exam. Surely it's worse for her in this horrible passive aggressive situation, where you and your mother are at loggerheads?.
That's not a nice environment for a teenager.

Whilst she’s there hold-off paying her rent, or pay her much less, take it as her contribution towards the bills. Unless she doesn’t use your water, gas, electricity, food, detergent or toiletries ofcourse.

Plus cook up a hot hot dinner, ‘Thai jungle curry’. And watch her sweat-out uncontrollably. 🥵

Get one of these

It makes a mosquito buzz noise when its dark but as soon as a light is turned on it goes off.

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rexlondon.com%2Fsites%2Fdefault%2Ffiles%2Fstyles%2Fsquare_800px%2Fpublic%2F2023-11%2F30326-mosquito-sound-machine_lifestyle.jpg%3F_buster%3DWWu72oGV%26itok%3D1j4htjpf&tbnid=D0z3F7s73nScFM&vet=1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rexlondon.com%2Fmosquito-button-classic-jokes%3Fsrsltid%3DAfmBOopHIVO9XdwvUhbCvaNPf2ing0HoOQmKfy8Lu6vXZOvMxB6Vd1ER&docid=K257EZ5T6X0mUM&w=800&h=800&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim%2Fm4%2F0&kgs=a11fc49eb45d66e5#piu=ps:6&sv=CAMSaxoyKhBlLUQwejNGN3M3M25TY0ZNMg5EMHozRjdzNzNuU2NGTToOSzI1N0VaNVQ2WDBtVU0gBCoxChtfVlV5cmFjWEpOTEtxeGM4UGxLQ0lnUUlfNDASEGUtRDB6M0Y3czczblNjRk0YADABGAcgyciOqwMwAUoIEAIYASACKAE

I'd start actively looking for places, making it clear that her house is off the table once you find somewhere. Go to viewings, search for them over the breakfast table. Don't give her the power to dangle the house over your head. Take it back.

grow a pair dont let them in, lol, we must know who it is ie mum friend etc.

Start using her room for storage. Little by little until there’s no place left for her to move around and to sleep. It’ll become unappealing to come and stay.