To cancel holiday with friend after what I found out?

[BrainyKraken]

My DS is 14 and I'm a single mum, I have a close friend and he has a DD the same age. Her mum passed away when she was younger so i’d like to think I'm a good female role model. The DC get along well and we go on holiday all together once or twice a year.

A few weeks ago in the wash there was a piece of condom wrapper that had been washed, I asked DS and straight away I got “it isn't mine” I told him it isn't mine either and it can't be the cats and he then admitted it was his but he wasn't having sex with anyone he got them from school in a sex ed class. I believed him and I think I still do

However the thing that changes things is I found out yesterday that he is dating my friends DD, I found out by accident when looking through his phone I saw messages come through which suggested they were more than friends and DS confirmed it. We had a holiday planned at easter with them and I've told DS we cant go now and he got quite annoyed and said this is why he didn't want me to know because now they won't be treated normally. He's told me not to tell her dad, I told him I feel like he should know especially as he will want to know to reason for cancelling

WWYD? Cancel? If so tell friend the truth or? Any advice appreciated

Can you find any case precedent fields a prosecution in these circumstances though? I cannot and seriously doubt it would be. Which would be prosecuted?

When I was 14, I used to think I was so much older than I was and now that I’m so much older I think 14-year-old are just children. so yeah, he’ll probably hate you if you stop him from seeing her, but you need to either put a stop to it otherwise you’ll have a teenage pregnancy or teach him to be respectful to women so that their relationship lasts. I don’t know.
He’s slept with her now so it’s too late

Holidays are supposed to be fun and relaxing and if you have to micromanage them to stop them from sleeping with each other at every chance they get then yes, I wouldn’t go either

I think prosecution happens where an older person, even someone who's 16, say, can be prosecuted for having sex with someone who's 13. I read about it yesterday due to this thread, and having sex with a 13-year-old carries a possible life sentence for the older party, even if they are young too.

Example: some of the charges in this case are because the perpetrator had sexual activity with a girl aged 13-15 when he himself was under 18.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/clyxrprv5n2o

Some states in the US have what's referred to as Romeo and Juliet laws:

Key Details Regarding "Romeo and Juliet" Laws:

• Purpose: These laws aim to stop the prosecution of teenagers in consensual, age-appropriate relationships, preventing them from being labeled as sex offenders.
• Age Requirements:
• While they vary by state, these laws generally apply when both partners are minors, or one is slightly over 18 (e.g., 17 and 19) and the age difference is small, often defined as 3 to 4 years
• .
• State Variability: Over 30 states have adopted some form of these exemptions, but they are not uniform across the U.S..
• Exceptions: In states without these laws, such as California, all sexual activity with a minor is considered statutory rape, regardless of how close in age the partners are.
• Penalties: Without these laws, individuals can face felony charges, mandatory sex offender registration, and severe long-term consequences.

Personally I feel there should be deterrents for children having sex. Their parents should be fined or the kids should be made to do community service in the school holidays, or something. AOC laws exist for a reason, not only to stop exploitation but also because children are too young to deal with all the practical and emotional consequences of sex. The consequences should be scary enough to stop underage boys from pressuring underage girls for sex. The consequences are clear for adults doing that, but randy underage teenage boys need some fear, if you ask me. Maybe the threat of military school. 😄

I do hope that the DD wasn't pressured into anything. Let's face it, it's usually boys doing the pressuring. And the poor girl doesn't even have a mother to confide in.

She's an underage child who deserves a holiday without being expected to have sex. You should withdraw from the holiday.

OP, do the decent thing and tell her dad. You have no idea how having sex at her age might have affected her. It might even be an unhealthy bid for affection, since she has no mum. Your son won't be prosecuted. Do your part to safeguard this young girl from things she might not be ready for.

Your just making things up now they are both underage the girl actually older
Im not sure why you think the boy should be more culpable?

Sex with a minor do educate yourself

She also said the girl is in year 10 and her son is in year 9 I assume you didnt bother to read that and made your own narrative. Up ?

I would definitely tell her Dad. You can both decide together on what’s best for the DC going forward.

Personally, I would not be allowing my DC to holiday with their bf/gf, as they will find away of sneaking off and likely to have sex. They are too young and this should never be allowed.

If you do allow this, sex from 14, then teenage pregnancy, at some stage, is very much on the cards.

In other words, they're both 14. It was odd to state one's age but the other's year. If the girl was 15, OP would have said so, because it sounds better. In truth they are just a few months apart and they're both 14, I'd bet.

I mean, it's right there in my post. I wrote: Let's face it, it's usually boys doing the pressuring.

It's not under-age girls who have testosterone sluicing through every vein, who are consuming huge amount of online porn, and who are tugging the monkey every chance they get, is it? Don't be naive.

What is wrong with you?
There’s no need to go into such depths.

And there's also the possibility that the girl is experiencing sexual expectations from him and would rather just be left alone. Teen boys are horny as hell. Under-age girls deserve to have a holiday free of sexual expectations.

There is, because of all the Cool PostersTM who try to make out that everything is equal between male and female when it comes to sex. And I pointed out the consequences because of all the pp who don't seem especially disturbed at the thought of children having under-age sex, especially a motherless girl.

OP, I understand that you might be worried at how her dad will react, but it's not right to let this girl bear the weight of sexual expectation and the consequences of sex. You need to safeguard her. Yes, you might lose a friend, but it's the right thing to do to tell her dad. She is too young for all this. Poor thing doesn't even have a mother to guide her and confide in.

Hi, I'm not a prolific poster but am wondering why some mumsnet post are appearing on Facebook!

Defeats the object imo.

Queries

How? They are the same age..

What do you mean?

Stop making stuff up 🙄

So really you think that teensge boys should be punished for having consensual sex with their teenage girlfriends and you are making all kinds of scenarios up to prove your point, very strange 🤔

It’s all true, though. Doesn’t hurt for mothers of girls to be given help with the scripts we’ll one day have to deliver.

If they are having sex already then cancelling the holiday won’t stop them.

It's not even been established that they are having sex. But assuming they are -of course the biggest issue is potential pregnancy. And whether the pair of them are ready to be having sex

Some of these responses are just wild. People were having sex at 14 when I was at school. One girl got pregnant

It happens. The OP needs to find out if they are sleeping together then she can try and navigate a way forward

Some Reddit posts appear on Facebook so I assume some of these do too

Some were doing it at my school too - which I only know because two very young girls got pregnant. The fact that people were doing it doesn't mean it's a good idea tho! The average age to lose virginity is 17 for women and 18 for men, so most aren't doing it at 14.

If I had been doing it at that age, I think any hint of rejection from him afterwards would have left me devastated. I mean, even adult women find it hard to be rejected after sex. Can you imagine what it must do to a 14-year-old girl!