Is this illegal?

[CarlStoleMyUnderpants]

Discovered someone is cheating on his wife and have contacted two of his siblings to tell them so they can surreptitiously investigate and look out for the wife. I can't prove it as it would be hearsay, but I hoped they'd try and look at his devices or keep an ear out to gain evidence. Have I gone too far? I absolutely know this is happening.

@CarlStoleMyUnderpants who are you in relation to this couple?

The only point I am making is that when the news does reach the wife you have no idea how she's going to react to it - yes I think people are better knowing but it's horrible being told that someone you love is having an affair. Devastating

Nobody gave me the siblings' phone numbers, whoever asked

How did you contact them?

I’d guess at social media.

Thank you. When I was in my teens my best friend had an affair with her boss (he was 32 and she was 17). He was married - one kid one on the way - and I was appalled for a few reasons. My friend was vulnerable. She had a really rotten home life. I think I met him once and it took me everything I had to say nothing - but I knew it would go wrong in the end. If I had found his wife's number and called her - she would have thought I was a psycho. He would have denied it

She knew how I felt but she was still my friend. I didn't go on and on about it. I was just concerned for her

She actually ditched my friendship because a girl who had been in my year at school latched onto her and she drove. I didn't. She used to drive my friend to flats where they would have sex and he would then go home to his pregnant wife. He actually paid this girl to drive my ex friend to flats so they could have sex

It is possible to disapprove of something without getting involved

Sometimes you have to say your piece and let it go

My point about me being stalked was simply to say that I only want people I know well to contact me on social media. I can't cope with unwanted contact from complete strangers - because I have been through a lot and I only want family and close friends and people I know to contact me

I can't personally cope with unsolicited messages on social media - it's too triggering for me. That's the thing - you don't know what baggage other people carry

This 💯

Which is why I didn't contact the wife direct, which I could easily do.

Life generally becomes one hell of a lot easier when you stay out of things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

If this is real you really
need to get a life and stay out of other people’s relationships

Life is not a morality play

Yes but you've involved his family. My wee brother and I are very close. He's a very private person and he has had relationships but I don't sit chatting to him on text about them

If someone texted me saying he was having an affair and I told him this - he would think I had lost the plot and it would ruin our relationship

The thing is - if you do have solid evidence that this affair is going on - why didn't you send them it. Why has your stance been - look at his phone and find out yourself.

Realistically no one is going to pick up someones phone and snoop at it

My phone is private. I would be completely furious if someone lifted it and tried to snoop looking for dirt on me

No one has the right to be snooping through someones phone unless they suspect criminal activity - and that will be the hill I die on. It's completely out of order on so many levels

I'm not Hans Christian Andersen. Of course it's real.

You have too much time on your hands either way 😵‍💫

Why do people say this? What has it to do with too much time on someone's hands? How do you know what time I have and what I do and don't do with it?

I came on here to ask a question, exactly the same as everyone else does on here. Of course people come on for all kinds of reasons, lighthearted messing around, serious things, discussing TV shows, all kinds. Do they have too much time on their hands?

You could say that about anyone posting on Mumsnet 😂

You've contacted people you don't know to tell them their brother is having an affair - and one of them doesn't even talk to them

OP are you are the wife being cheated on? You have gone through his phone? You want it to stop without confronting him yourself? This is the only explanation that would make a bit of sense to me.

Why did you do this? What prompted you to tell this man's siblings? Do you want them to tell his wife?

No. She isn't

No I'm not.
No I haven't.

I said this on about the 7th post in the thread.

I thought that if the wife was told, she'd confront him, he'd deny, minimise, delete evidence, say someone was trying to split them up, gaslight. I see it all the time when women write on here that they suspect their husbands are cheating.

I thought that if someone else looked out for her, they could ask if everything is OK, see how things are going, that sort of thing.

He could also lie to his family

You had no right to drag his siblings into this. None. It's completely nothing to do with you. I assume you contacted them from a fake name - I don't think you would have done it from your own

All you had to do was cut ties with your friend and move on if you didn't approve

You also don't care about the wife - she's a complete stranger to you - this is about you getting one over on your friend

You really think his family are going to look out for the wife?

And the fact that all you seem to care about is whether you have done something illegal or not says it all

Absolute weird behaviour. On so many levels

You have also put your friend at risk. No matter what you think of her. Because when the shit hits the fan she'll probably get the blame - trying to split the marriage up - when it was you that sent those messages - no matter what you think of her - she told you that in confidence and you've taken it upon yourself to contact two members of his family. That is not OK on so many levels.

Yes you have gone too far