Is this illegal?

[CarlStoleMyUnderpants]

Discovered someone is cheating on his wife and have contacted two of his siblings to tell them so they can surreptitiously investigate and look out for the wife. I can't prove it as it would be hearsay, but I hoped they'd try and look at his devices or keep an ear out to gain evidence. Have I gone too far? I absolutely know this is happening.

So your friend told you at Christmas shes been seeing a married man for 4 years and you have a acquaintanceship with the wife somehow.

You judge your friend and want to tell the wife. But because mumsnet strangers on line may accuse you for blowing up her life?!?! So instead you found the wife's siblings and suggest they play Sherlock?

I honestly dont know how you think telling other people her husband is humiliating her and implying they should snoop and drop him in it, when theyre HIS siblings was a good idea?!? Who's loyalities are most likely to their brother if anyone

I dont know how you think this is helpful. Or why you think his siblings would spy on their brother to confront him or tell his wife when you wont.

It wasnt illegal to tell them. But what they do with that info...? Who knows.. they could ignore you, spy - legally or otherwise, tell his wife, tell him, even assault him.. sometimes these things end in violence. (Unlikely but the point is now youve told them consequences are unpredictable)

Tbh if you dont know him I think the sensible options were tell the wife or mind your own business.. but youve done it now. So youll have to watch it plays out. And your friendship is likely over

@CarlStoleMyUnderpants I've read the whole thread but maybe I've missed something. You say you are friends with the affair partner but not the man cheating. How do you know his brother and sister's contact details? Especially since you didn't know the sister was NC with him so can't be friends with them?

I really don't see what it's got to do with you

Because she’s a curtain twitching busybody who should mind her own business ?

Well said and very true.

Probably a bit late for that, why should your friend care, it takes 2, he's not bothered either. I'd drop her as a friend though if you feel strongly about it.

Oh please. A knee jerk reaction is shouting, "You stupid randy twat!" at your friend when she first tells you. Seeking out and contacting the family of the guy you barely know if at all and starting threads about it is completely premeditated... and absolutely not the actions of a person who avoids drama but rather one who just loves and cooks it, as long as it doesn't hurt them.

Stay out of it and dump your friend. Asking others to do the dirty work for you so you keep your hands clean. If someone asked me to look through my brothers phone or spy on him I would tell them to jog on.
You are meddling.. you may not like it but you are stirring the pot up and if you continue you will get splash back.

How did you get his siblings contact details, did you snoop.

I actually love you. No one else has ever quoted from that film AFAIK. My little buttercup 💛

If all you have done is give his siblings the heads up I can't see how that's illegal. You might be seen as a bit of a busy body but not a criminal

I guess. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions, etc. I can imagine a reverse thread with MN fussing over why no one told anyone!

Tell the wife what you know.

It is exactly gossip.

Gossip isn't saying something untrue. It's sharing information about someone else's life, their personal affairs that have nothing to do with you.

God, some of these responses baffle me.

if anyone ever found out my partner was cheating on me and they told me I’d not think they were a busy body, I’d be bloody grateful that they decided to not let me carry on with my life looking like a fool.
I’d be furious with anyone who knew and didn’t see fit to tell me.

So a woman that you know only 'in passing' who is married to a man whom you 'have never met in your life' and 'only seen pictures of him' is allegedly being cheated on by him.

Your 'friend' thinks 'she is racier and sexier than the wife' and you are afraid of 'losing a 20+ year friendship' because you have told your friend you don't agree with the situation.

This man whom you have never met has a brother and sister whose contact details are bizarrely known to you, and you have contacted them both to tell them what you think you know, so they can take action on your second hand gossip. You have done this because you do not want to do anything yourself.

Based on all that you have told us here, I do not believe for one second that you are in any way concerned for a woman you know only in passing, and doing this from any sort of kindness, simply because you feel 'she doesn't deserve it and he definitely doesn't deserve her'.

You claim that you 'do not love or like drama of any kind'. Really? I mean, really? None of parties have anything to do with you, other than your supposed 'friend'. Did you write your 'concerned' communications to the siblings in green pen? Whatever you are hoping will be the outcome I've no idea, but you've enjoyed throwing your dramatic hand grenade - even if not done illegally.

Well aren't you a treat?

I am. 😁

I would say it is none of my business and tell them to get off soap operas and act like mature grown ups

I don't know if she's a treat or not, but she's quite right.

Of course it is gossip.

Definition of gossip: casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

Not illegal but it’s morally dodgy. If you don’t have the nerve to tell the wife (and I admit I think that is a shitty thing to do) then it’s even worse to get others involved. Is this couple close to you? Because, whether or not it is true, no good will come of inserting yourself into the drama.

I think you are (and you are spot on 😆)

@CarlStoleMyUnderpants you’re not losing her over a snake of a man, you’re “losing” her because she has the morals of an alley cat. I wouldn’t want her as a friend!

I think you’ve made a wrong move going to his siblings. You should have gone to someone that the wife is associated with if you didn’t want to go to her directly but personally I’d have just gone to the wife, I’d sure as hell want someone to tell me if I was her. If the siblings are anything like the man in question then he simply has a heads up now and plenty of time to cover his tracks if he does get caught.

I suppose you could sit there with the popcorn and watch people’s lives being torn apart - taking no responsibility but getting some kind of schadenfreude out of it.

And that is up to you, but at least be honest with yourself about your motives.

it’s an interesting stance to take, I guess, but I would see you as no more moral than the husband.