Is this illegal?

[CarlStoleMyUnderpants]

Discovered someone is cheating on his wife and have contacted two of his siblings to tell them so they can surreptitiously investigate and look out for the wife. I can't prove it as it would be hearsay, but I hoped they'd try and look at his devices or keep an ear out to gain evidence. Have I gone too far? I absolutely know this is happening.

I didn't expect all this number of comments. I asked my own sister tonight what she would do if she got a message from someone saying that I was cheating and she said she would kick my arse if she found out it was true :)

Someone actually told my uncle that his wife was having an affair - and I'll caveat that by saying he struggled with mental health issues since his teens. She wasn't - and he took his own life. I don't think that was the only reason - but it was part of it. I don't think he didn't trust his wife either - he was just suffering from a really awful bout of depression - and that was the last straw - and if it hadn't been that that helped cause his suicide it would have been something else - but he was told his wife was having an affair - for no reason. Someone just wanting to cause trouble. I personally don't think that's what you are trying to do OP. But when the wife finds out. There's going to be massive fall out.
It's not just as simple as someone finding out that their husband is having an affair - it's the devastation that will accompany this.

I didn't know that until about a year ago - my mum didn't tell me at the time

OP. I didn't post this to try and get to you over it - at all. But sometimes people don't react to news like this well. You don't know what else is going on in their life. You don't know how they are going to react to this - I'm talking about the wife in this situation.

You’ve never met him but do you actually know his siblings? Or did you contact them as a complete stranger?

I think you’d have been much better contacting the wife (anonymously if needs be) as you obviously feel very strongly about this affair.

I personally wouldn't tell someone that their partner is having an affair anonymously. If someone has to say it they should have the courage of their convictions and say who they are

So any update then, what does your friend say about you getting in touch with his siblings, has it all kicked off argy bargy now. How did you get the siblings phone numbers.

I'm shocked you've dragged the cheater's siblings into this – unless you know both of them really well? I hope you do, because if not you've sent two almost strangers defamatory comments about their brother. Defamatory because even though you know the affair's been going on, you've actually got no physical proof to back up your allegation that he's cheating on his wife. Yes, you can say you've been told about it, seen photos on the affair partner's phone etc, but how does anyone know you're telling the truth? How can you prove it?

If he finds out what you've claimed and denies it, be prepared for it to come back on you and the shit to hit the fan.

You really should've stayed out of it.

That's fair enough - but if someone messaged me telling me my brother was having an affair - I would do nothing - because where's the evidence? You know that this person is having an affair because your friend is the one having it - but not everyone is in that situation

If I were you. I would not have contacted the siblings asking that they do something - I would have cut ties with your friend to start with

I think it's really unfair of you to drop that bombshell and then expect the siblings to access his phone

For context my brother and me are very close but there's no way he would let me root the through his phone - it's his property. The messages he sends people on his phone are his business - they absolutely are not mine

You've basically asked people you don't know to snoop on their brother? Because you don't agree with what your friend is doing - why is she getting the free pass here when she's the person actually sleeping with him?

You sound gleeful like you think this is a soap. It's not Emmerdale is it?

@scottishgirl69 She's not got any free pass. I told her what I think of what's going on and she said I'm judgemental and jealous. So it might not recover, regardless of what the siblings do or not. I don't like her morals one little bit.

Careful, I got deleted for saying basically this.

Why did you contact these two people

Did you know the siblings before you messaged them?

More than one of my friends had affairs when I was in my 20s. I didn't like it - but it all came out in the wash at some point. The bottom line is -this affair has nothing to do with the siblings - zero

It's got nothing to do with OP either.

She told you at Christmas that she was having an affair and you immediately ran to the affair partners siblings to tell them to do something about it - can you understand why people think that's more than a bit off. It's got nothing to do with them on any level whatsoever - and even though your friend is in the wrong - she presumably told you this in confidence

Why is it so important to you that the wife finds out - you don't know her. If you care so much find her and tell her

My guess is that you don't want to be the person that is responsible for blowing all this up - so you want to put it on other people instead

You've completely misunderstood my post,

If anyone ever told me by text or other messages that my brother was having an affair - I would tell them to go away - particularly if they were a complete stranger to me. It would actually freak me out.

And if someone contacted me telling me my brother was having an affair and he wasn't - it would ruin our relationship. OP. The fact that you don't like your friends morals does not give you the right to be contacting two complete strangers and asking them to snoop on his phone. It really doesn't

Of course it would, it's an incredibly intrusive, invasive, inappropriate and downright frigging weird thing to do.

Who gave you the siblings phone numbers?

As I said above part of the reason my uncle killed himself was because someone told him lies that his wife was seeing someone else. He was already suffering from clinical depression at that point and was really fragile. None of us know how news like that will be received.

I have also been stalked in the past so someone contacting me out of the blue would be hugely triggering for me.

@scottishgirl69 I'm sorry about your uncle, but I'm not stalking anyone and I have seen evidence in various formats that there is an affair going on with these two. There is no mistake at all. It is not lies. I have no reason to lie.

Nobody gave me the siblings' phone numbers, whoever asked.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

This is one of several reasons why I am not in the "police the marriages of total fucking strangers" camp. Perhaps if you have actual proof and you're close to the betrayed spouse and will be present as a support to them, maybe. Someone you don't know, whom you won't be supporting and have no relationship with? Absolutely not. With just one reason being, since you don't know this person, you've got no idea how they'll react and they may end up harming someone, including themselves. And bringing their family into it? Not even confronting the cheat or speaking to the spouse directly, just roping in everyone around them in the hope they'll do a Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy job? Who does that?

I didn't say you were a stalker. If you read elsewhere I said that nothing you have done is section 39 in my view