Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

@Disturbia81 what I was saying is that men no longer look at me and make it obvious they want to get to know me based on looks alone. Of course I could still be found attractive by a man but it would more likely to be following a period of getting know what I am about. I much prefer this. It wasn’t meant as a negative comment.

Yes, true for me too. I've gone from being really active and fit to feeling like washing up is like climbing a mountain. I just want to sit down again as so so tired and my body hurts. It's incredibly hard to keep fit when this is the reality.

I don't think I've ever had any clear expectations of my future. Did I want to achieve this or that by a certain age? Yes and I achieved that. Did I have a fully formed and detailed plan of how everything would look like by my certain age? No, and I'm happy I've never had.

I am 55. Currently sitting on a sunny terrace taking a break on a ski holiday. I'm still actively skiing and fit. I have a great DH at home looking after the teenager whilst I am away with girlfriends. I have an amazing job that I love, BUT I did have an awful 2 years where I walked out on a job, took my employers to court (and won). Had to take a couple of crappy jobs just for the income. So, yes, life does get tough, but you do come out the other side. HRT has also been my friend, as well as a lot of self care. Good luck!!

I am 55. Currently sitting on a sunny terrace taking a break on a ski holiday. I'm still actively skiing and fit. I have a great DH at home looking after the teenager whilst I am away with girlfriends. I have an amazing job that I love, BUT I did have an awful 2 years where I walked out on a job, took my employers to court (and won). Had to take a couple of crappy jobs just for the income. So, yes, life does get tough, but you do come out the other side. HRT has also been my friend, as well as a lot of self care. Good luck!! M

I'm 53 and peri/menopause floored me from about 48-52 - I really wasn't prepared for that. Or the weight gain, I put on weight for the first time in my life.
I do feel a little bit like I'm running out of time - there's so much I still want to do. I care less about my career, in that I'm less afraid to turn jobs down and I definitely don't put up with arsehole clients these days and I might go more part time but I can't see me ever fully retiring.

I’ve had no problem with sexual dysfunction. My sex life is better than ever post-hysterectomy. The only problem is that the following day my back is breaking and I ache all over (even when it’s been gentle)! Sometimes it’s not worth the pay off.

51 this year and feel good. In the throes of the menopause (no period for 8 months now) but, touch wood, have been let off lightly. Aches and some insomnia but little else. Feel very happy in and of myself - kids are 11 and 14 - would have liked them a little earlier but wasn't to be - so keep me young, but are independent enough so I dont feel absolutely shattered. Happily married with plans to retire in approx 10 years (and get rid of the mortgage) and see the world at our own pace. Both sets of parents independent and fit. Long may it continue - we try and eat well and look after ourselves. Dont feel that the best years are over, but certainly feel a sense of mortality that I didnt have even 10 years ago.

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I'm 43 so a bit younger. I thought my dc would need me less by now. I thought I would have more money. I thought my body would be less damaged by pregnancy.

My life hasn't turned out how I expected, and the young version of me would have been horrified to know how I was going to end up. At this stage I'm used to it and I honestly don't really care. I can still find things I enjoy.

I really wish that all the stupid people who say "eat less and move more" would read your post!

I had the same experience as you- I was putting on weight going to the gym 5 times a week. My TDEE is now 1400 so I've basically got to starve myself for the rest of my life just to stay the same weight.

Agree - and I think I smugly thought that by being very active and healthy I would age well.

But it turns out it's largely just LUCK.

I'm disappointed with where I've ended up. I had such great dreams when I was younger (work and live abroad being one of them). I had dreams of being successful in both marriage and career. I expected to be married to a kind man, with children, someone who shared my love of sport. I started a degree at 25, sadly the same year I met my exh, I saw a photo of me on my graduation day and I look so happy and with the world at my feet. Little did I know what was to come.

My marriage was a complete disaster and should never have happened, we should have split years before we got married, my abusive ex took the best years of my life and destroyed not just those dreams (I wasn't allowed them) but that woman as well.

Now at 48, I'm happily single with my cats but I can't help feel that pang of disappointment at what could and should have been. I do an average job, I enjoy it but it doesn't set my world alight. I love going on holiday and still dream about living overseas but I have cats and elderly parents so it isn't likely to happen.

I make the most of what I have though, and am currently studying a new subject which may hopefully help change a few things.

Ah I see, that must be hard. I can’t see why it’s not enough to operate! You must be suffering
Maybe your friends had ovaries removed too and haven’t gone on hrt afterwards so no hormones.

Can I ask how old you are to be feeling that men don’t look at you?

Good luck, I hope you find a solution.

Absolutely the same with the aches! Really bizarre.

Still have lots of energy but am genuinely surprised by my old face everyday! I never really expected to be middle aged...

When I was much younger and thought of being 50, I thought I'd be over the hill TBH!

Now I've (just) turned 50, it's great and life is good.

I'm still pretty slim, the fittest/strongest I've ever been, and don't actually look too bad when I'm dressed up with make-up on! My two are at Uni (18 and 20) so we have the flexibility to do exactly as we please - gym, pub, weekends away, seeing friends, although we've been able to do this for a few years now.

I can't see any sight of the dreaded menopause yet (although haven't had a period for a while) and don't feel tired or full of aches and pains like some on here do.

The only stress is looking after an aging mother who although still young for her age at nearly 80, is more and more needy since she's been on her own the past couple of years. Luckily life works that as I've got more free time from the kids, we have the time to see her (and MIL) as they need .s

I think it's broader than the health and fitness point and is more generally about whether you prioritise yourself.

I feel like I have got this back in my 40s. Of course I do things for my family but I also prioritise myself

I spend money and time on myself - my fitness, my health, etc. but also going away with friends, spending time on my interests

I don't do everything for my DH and kids - he does half of the work, I am very much not the primary carer/default parent

I don't intend to take on caring responsibilities for my parents - not that I intend to do nothing to help them in their old age but I am not giving up my life to care for them and I won't apologise for that

I think the common thread with posters who are feeling rubbish is that they have prioritised everyone else over themselves

Just turned 60, the negative is that it feels like it is all speeding up and time feels like it slips away faster. HOWEVER, I feel great in myself, left a demanding and stressful job and retrained for a career I love in my late 40s/early 50s, so I now have my own business and work part-time doing something that challenges and fulfils me. I lost weight and got fitter heading towards my recent big birthday, so I feel youthful, strong and content in my body (much mores than through my 40s and 50s) and keeping myself that way is a primary focus. I am also enjoying the blessing of grandchildren, so I have a new source of joy in my life. Generally life is good and I hope it remains that way for a long (slow) time!

You are definitely not a failure, you are a bloody fighter. You have had a shit hand dealt to you but this is your time now.

No one knows how much time they have so make this next part of your life count as much as the rest.

I’m mid 50’s and feel healthy. I have lots of friends, interests and hobbies.
I retired 4 years ago and so far so good.
I am a carer to my disabled adult DS and until a couple of years ago was also looking after my DM who is now in a nursing home.
I still manage to travel a lot which I really enjoy.
i have been tanking HRT for about 7 years which seems to work for me.
I have suffered with my mental health in the past but through a mixture of CBT and counselling this is a thing of the past for which I am grateful.

I’ve just turned 50. There is good and bad.

Physically I am finding this stage hard. Menopause is hitting me like a train. Migraines, insomnia, exhaustion, weight gain, flooding, anxiety and the rest. I don’t know where the old me has gone.

But there are a few positives. My daughter is out of the primary school years and turning into a lovely little person. A few years ago I quit the treadmill of Big Law and am so much happier doing something that gives me much more autonomy.

I do feel that time is running out. We have only a few more summer holidays as a family, I expect, before my daughter flies the nest. I resent the fact that the Covid years nixed some of our plans. I am worried about my health failing. I have no diagnosed issues but my mum had breast cancer in her 40s so I know how quickly things can change and the toll they can take. And I have ageing parents to worry about.

My mid 20’s DC still come on holiday with us if it’s somewhere good such as China or New York so you may have more holidays together than you think. I found my DC went off family holidays when they were latish teens but now they are very much back into them!