Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

I'm about to turn 54 and am starting to emerge from the fog I've been in for the past 18 months by coming off HRT. I honestly think my body just had its fill of hormones after four years on it and I started to experience all the symptoms again that I had at the beginning (and yes, before anyone asks, we did tweak my dose a few times, but I still felt like crap on it). Now I'm letting nature take its course, I'm emerging from menopause with so much more confidence, clarity and far better sleep! My relationship with my long-term partner is lovely and our DD is thriving. Work is a bit of a bun-fire – I'm self-employed and the hustle is becoming a horrible slog that can zap my energy – and my finances could be better, but I feel genuinely happier and content than I have in years.

This is great and wish I had adopted it TBH.

However, I am trying to re-frame my failures as learning opportunities and the ability to become stronger from them !

I am 45 and divorced (first in family on both my parents' side) but have 2 great kids (both flown the next ) and their dad and I are amicable - get on best we ever have!

I do solo activities (met new people), ran a marathon last year and also volunteer. All things I would never have envisaged !

I am on meds for mental health and have come to terms with I need them (imbalance)

No HRT yet, but won't rule it out.

I am strong physically - gym/run/weights and I am beginning to be kinder to myself and accept myself warts and all :)

Things started to go downhill around the pandemic. I had just turned 40 and due to the pandemic both my husband and I lost our jobs. Soon after the aching and brain fog began. I thought it was just stress related but the symptoms got worse.
After being dismissed by my GP for some time, I was eventually prescribed HRT, but it made no difference and I stopped taking it. I was later diagnosed with CFS/ME and had the coil fitted due to extremely heavy periods. Since then I’ve experienced weight gain, bloating and a reduced libido - after two years of this I want the coil out but I seem to be facing a fight with that too.
My mum struggled badly with menopause and I regret not understanding it at the time, as I thought she was overreacting when she said she was constantly exhausted or in pain.
I no longer feel like myself and have lost all motivation. I need to return to work, but I don’t feel able to cope with how my body is reacting, which is frightening at 47. Due to my CFS exercise can help with the stuffiness of my body but then I will have a flare up which will last for days

Broadly where I thought, very happy generally but did expect the salary, which is about what I expected, would go further.

I got it on a private script (in Australia)

Tonnes fitter than ever before, and had an amazing career change. I’m now a yoga teacher. Hot flushes are a pain every evening at 10pm like clockwork, and tiredness can kick in, but I feel calmer in my own body and mind than in other decades. I haven’t fiddled around with my natural hormones since stopping contraception in my early thirties and I think that’s helped.

Restless legs can often be a symptom of low magnesium (many people are deficient in this mineral but don't realise, and in my own experience it got worse during perimenopause).

I tried loads of magnesium supplements, from oils/sprays (too itchy) and powdered versions. Most effective I've tried is ionic magnesium – absorbed by the body much more effectively and doesn't give you the runs, as some magnesium supplements can.

You can find it easily on Amazon. I've used ReMag or Good State brands. Both bottles last ages (6-9 months). Or you can get ReMag from Botanica Health, if you don't want to buy from Amazon:
https://botanicahealth.co.uk/products/remag-liquid-magnesium?_pos=1&_sid=13206b142&_ss=r

Note: it tastes not great, but it's worth it. I take a couple of drops in a little bit of water and knock it back – take it an hour or so before bedtime if that's when restless legs bother you most.

It's completely resolved my symptoms, and has also hugely helped my heart arrhythmia (which can also be linked to low magnesium). I'm not a medical professional but there's plenty of science out there linking low magnesium to both these symptoms.

I turn 50 next week. I am loving life.
my career is going well and I’m making money. I have the money and time and freedom to enjoy doing what I want.
and that means partying, and having mind blowing sex with the most amazing man.
menopause not hit too hard and I’m full of energy. not to be too smug tho as in the words of Tom hanks this too shall pass.

I'm in the exercise daily, do yoga, swimming, weights camp (and have done since early 30s)....

...... and feel totally shit.

Tendons keep pulling. On HRT for three years. Still need to go to bed by 8pm, the idea of a having to eat dinner later than 5pm horrifies me. Everything hurts. Diagnosed as hypermobile. Have prolapses and failed prolpase surgery.

Never ending physio. Doctors appts.

On the plus side the testosterone works.

I am about to turn 50. I can't say I ever really had a long-term plan for my life, life just happened, I finished school went to uni, got married had kids but none of it (bar making sure I got a good education) was particularly planned. A lot of it was a kind of a "suck it and see" approach. I met my dh when I was backpacking we were from different countries so tried long distance for a while. My job contract came to an end so I decided I would move to dh and give it a go never really knew if it would or not nor thought too deeply about it, I was early 20s so probably still in the risky stage of living, it worked out we got married and then moved back to my country to start a family, buy a house and "settle down". My kids are now late teens, soon to be finishing school and I feel in a good place, I have been part-time since kids were small so went back and did a masters a few years ago and I now feel ready to move on from current job and try something different. I am also enjoying my freedom again now that my kids are older and kinda looking forward to me and dhs next life stage.

One thing I do reflect on, as I am older, is how much I crammed in particularly in my 20s - finished uni, travelled, worked in 3 different countries, moved country (and then back again), married, bought and sold a house and then bought again and then had a child all in 10 years! I would not be able for that much change now!

51 and feeling great. No HRT as I've been lucky so far in the hormone department. You know when you've got PMT and the world seems awful and then your period starts and something inside you unclenches and the world is fine again? That's what I feel like now, like something has unclenched inside me.

Career-wise, I haven't fulfilled my potential and it's been a bit disappointing, but I have steady work that I find reasonably interesting and pays the bills. I've been single since dd(18) was tiny. She's preparing for a distant university this September, and I feel really positive about the freedom I'm going to have. It feels like going back to my pre-child self.

I've been extremely lucky as regards health. I'm not running marathons like some pps, but I am a keen parkrunner and really like going to different events. I love long-distance walks and plan to get out as many weekends as possible once dd has left home. I have time for my own interests and I feel that my life has scope to reflect the things I like and value. Things might change, but right now, I appreciate this life-stage.

I come to the realization that the world is BS, and we all have our own hamster cage to fuel, I stop looking to others and use my energy in the few things that really matters to me. I'm happy as Larry and I don't fell aging has got me bad yet.
Looking forward to see my kid grow up, the good weather season and to do my hobbies. As you can see my life is boring for many but is exactly what I want.

I don’t feel old, at all, I feel the same as I always did. I definitely look older 😁but I feel great and am happy with myself. I appreciate that.

I thought I would feel ancient at this age and want to be young but I just feel like younger people are younger than me, like as in younger years at school. I don’t want to be them.

I am happy. And grateful.

I had a period of awful health & menopause issues in my mid/late 40’s. Work was such a slog. I’m now 50 & retired. My health has improved hugely & life is good again. I think work stress contributed to a lot of my issues.

I guess I've never been one for future planning. I can only really live day to day. I think that's partly my ADHD or trauma or maybe my sdd or anxiety? Who knows. But when I was young I didn't think about the future at all.

Now I just kind of fear it so think theres no point thinking about it as the world might just end in a month or something?! Yeah you can see how productive a person I must be on a general day to day level!

I think the prospect of 50 looming made me think about what I actually saw as being important in life.
I finally went non-contact with my narc mother and realised what peace was actually like. It's been good to not be constantly on high alert!
I also evaluated things at work and decided what I like doing, and gradually shifted responsibilities so I was doing more of that rather than things I was good at but didn't like doing (and writing that out makes me realise how fortunate I am in my career that I can make these changes fairly easily).
I'm now the other side of 50 and it has definitely given me pause for thought around what I like doing/want to spend my energy on. I've also lost my filter for putting up with rubbish and ridiculousness, which hasn't gone down well in some quarters!

I could’ve written this, except I would happily stop working now if I could financially. I’m 53.

100%. I think some people 'push through' and have a dreadful time for no reason. I was almost suicidal with insomnia and anxiety before HRT.

I feel pretty okay in general. I've become very interested in spiritual things, lost both parents, about to leave a very longstanding job, enjoying nature and simple things. Learning to let the small stuff go.
I feel light in spirit, if chubby in body .😀

Im late 40s, single parent, divorced, I have adult children in their 20s living at home, they work but cant afford to move out. We are all happy living together and get along like great friends.
Im unemployed and finding it tough to get a job, its constant rejections, im considering voluntary work just to gain some more experience. I didn't see myself being divorced, however I am happy and happier than I was in a marriage with a very selfish, self obsessed man who always put himself first even before his children, and he honestly never bothered with them. He also never lifted a finger at home. I need a job but apart from life my life is happy, I consider myself Lucky.
I don't date because I don't want to have another child to look after, cook.clean and wait on hand and foot, also I have got used to the single life and its nice to have me' time. I also have a lovely dog who gives me so much love.

I am doing a job that a wanted to do as a child in my 20s never thought I would do. It's not a good job not high paid but I am working with books which I love. But I am full time when most of friends do not work at all. I am very tired in the evenings. I would be happier finding the same type of job part time but I want to keep working even though I don't need to financially.

I am on HRT and feel ok but I fell over a few months ago and my back is still hurting.....fear it will forever.

Joining a gym next week as I am tubby.

Interesting thread.
I've been reflecting on this over the last couple of months. I'm going to be 50 this year.
My life hasn't turned out how I thought it would when I was 21. I went a bit off the rails really. I haven't had a career as such. I haven't had children. I'm not in a relationship although I have had two disastrous long-term relationships. I live in a small flat in a country in central Europe. I'm self-employed doing whatever I feel like doing which brings in enough money to cover bills and food and also to fund my trips to do long-distance hiking or back-country skiing (which is a recent thing for me).

Sometimes I'm content with it and sometimes I'm not. My head's a bit all over the place to be honest. I've just never been able to settle down really.
What I've noticed in perimenopause is that I am way more tired and that it is manageable but I have had to reduce quite a lot of things I used to do. I used to be out nearly every evening playing music and coming back in at midnight. I can't do that anymore. I can manage one or two things a week at most. What I really want to do is come home at about 6 or 7 pm after work and not go out again and sit around reading or doing jigsaw puzzles. It's a major change for me and I've had to get over guilty feelings of "wasting time" or "wasting my life". It isn't a waste of life if my body and mind need it.

I have less patience and it's much more difficult to tolerate other people's behaviour at musical groups and the like. I get irritated beyond reason when people don't practise their parts at home and it all sounds shit and we have to waste time. Or when people don't have the music or it's in the wrong order or when they are talking all the time. Another reason why I've had to reduce it, to avoid me losing my temper!

I'm fine when I'm outside hiking or skiing. All the noise in my head switches off and when I'm out somewhere for a couple of weeks with my rucksack and tent and everything is reduced to the bare minimum I'm at my happiest.
I have noticed I am slowing down though and can't manage as many kilometres as I used to be able to or as much ascent.

Someone upthread suggested that the difference between the people who are content and those who are struggling was exercise but it's not as simple as that. When I'm exercising I'm fine. When I'm not I'm a bit lost and irritable and weepy. Also lots of people I know have exercised all their lives but have developed medical conditions or had accidents and just aren't able to exercise any more. It's not a case of exercising will keep you going. Sometimes your body just can't do it any more.

This is interesting but probably slightly terrifying if you are under 45!

I had never really considered life in my early 50’s. I had my children young and so I expected them to be living their own lives, and they are. That’s about it!

I had a few months of heavy bleeds and insomnia and night sweats about 5/6 years ago and started HRT. After getting the right one I feel much more balanced. Insomnia started again a few months ago but I started taking magnesium and that seems to have helped.

I exercise, look after myself. I look older but I’ve managed to keep fit and active. Started weight training a year ago and have discovered new strength which is fantastic! I realise I’m lucky that I’ve been healthy enough to do that.

I did not expect my driven and ambitious husband to want to semi retire. But he can financially and has! This has changed the dynamic a bit but is nice. I wonder whether he will be bored soon though!

I work part time in my own business which is enjoyable and makes modest profits which is perfect for me.

Time is short though. Parents are definitely getting frailer and need help. They are late 70’s so I am aware that I’ve got 25 years probably before things start going wrong.

This year has many travels, and gigs and events already booked in. Life is currently for living.

I’m so in awe of me in my 20’s I had so much energy. The energy levels definitely drain as we age no matter how fit and healthy.

Sorry to read this and your other post, Rummikub. Hoping for some good news for you.💐

This is interesting, do you think men of similar ages feel the same?

I'm 54 next month and deeply, spiritually joyful... as in sooo happy to be here, living life for as long as I have it. I am single with older children (who happen to be my favourite people in the universe so, that helps).
I've always had a pretty tough life since childhood so, in many ways, I'm just really glad to be here and to have my health and to have great people in my life, though I am an introvert (I wish I could change that. At this stage, I accept it). I really enjoy the peace I have in my life presently. I hope it lasts. Life has a way of pulling the rug out from underneath us when we least expect it, so I sort of sleep with one eye open, so to speak.
I've been through a lot these past 5 years. My mum and my brother both died. I learned that my husband (now ex) had been sexually abusing our child which brought with it a massive death of a sort (and a deluge of other emotions and experiences which I won't delve into here). I also had a cardiac arrest from an artery that literally tore while I was out walking my dog- no heart disease or risk factors. It simply happened and I survived. Apparently, stress plays a part ("no shit, Sherlock" applies).
So my experiences these past few years have given me a much broader picture of life and death and this thing called our human experience.

If you've got a pulse and are mobile, and have deep and meaningful love in your life (children, friends, family, pets), and you get outdoors (seriously! Get outdoors), you've got enough good stuff in your pocket to help you with the tricky parts of getting a little older. And there's help and support when it comes to managing peri and menopausal symptoms. In my humble opinion, movement is the best medicine. Move your body. Take a walk. Doesn't have to be crazy. Because of my artery tear, I can't do yoga or swim. I walk. I walk a lot. I always have done and I think this has 100% kept my mental health relatively stable. Finances are an issue for nearly all of us. I scramble with money issues but hey, I eat well and we're warm and safe. That's great fortune itself.