Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

I am 52 over the past 4 years our DD has push us and my marriage (to her Dad) to the limit with her behaviour, her mental health, drink, risk taking- and whilst its better, we are constantly exhausted and on high alert.

I am on HRT, I have put on weight (exercise 4x week) and dog walk, I am the main bread winner and hate the responsibility. I don’t sleep very well, I am anxious, low and have just had enough really.

So not the best advert for being 50!! I hope it improves soon. - its nice though to read that others are embracing this time 😊

Mid 50s here. I feel fitter and more energetic than I did in my 20s and 30s. I have a teenager who loves to spend time with me, which is great! I have a fabulous job and I want to continue working for as long as possible!

Late 50s so a bit older. In the past few years a lot has hit the fan: DH had cancer and some awful after effects, dad died, Mum struggling, a bad diagnosis of my own and to cap it all, last year I was made redundant from a job I loved - and needed - as I’m sole breadwinner. Bizarrely I’m not unhappy. Stressed sometimes, but actually feel pretty positive. I vowed not to go under and set up my own business which is touch wood doing well. In fact, I love it - it’s more flexible and I’m making more money. DH is stable and I’m grateful to have him and mum. I’m fit, my health issue is manageable as of now, we’re solvent and I’m intent on squeezing every drop of enjoyment and fulfilment out of life while I can. Life is not what I expected. I would never have imagined I would start a business at my age. Or that I’d

find the resilience in myself that I have.

The main change for me has been from feeling like I need to chase my dreams and always reaching for something more to feeling like I've got where I need to get to in life and I don't need to chase things anymore. I'm talking professionally. Nothing much changed in actual fact, just my attitude to it.

In my personal life, I had children in my 40s (triplets) followed by exhaustion, overwhelm, chronic fatigue and a rough ride with perimenopause. However, I do feel very grateful. Chronic fatigue was the worst - for seven years I basically felt like my life was over, I would never have energy to do anything properly ever again. So when it lifted I just thought, well this is great, I have some life back. Perimenopause I also thought my life was over, in a different way, but HRT has been my saviour. I can (usually) just be really happy and grateful for small things, as it could have been so much worse.

I am likely to have to keep on working until I'm quite old. I don't mind as I like my work, but I do have a pang of envy when I hear of someone retiring in their 50s or around 60.

I’ve read almost all the comments and I’m still going through the experiences you’ve shared. I’ve learnt so much, and it’s been reassuring to see that many of us, as women, share similar experiences. I hope my post, which started with some criticism but ended up generating amazing responses, was helpful to you too. Thank you all 💗

@Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot Not RTFT - i’m 56 and so above your age window but just wanted to say: being post-menopausal is fucking awesome. I had my last period at 50. Not having to faff around with menstruation is very liberating.

My sex-drive is still gentling thrumming along - in fact, i think it has increased. I think not needing to think about contraception or worry about pregnancy have helped.

My self-confidence has grown as i’ve aged. I could do with losing about 3 or 4 stone (and it is an aim to do so) but i feel more confident about my looks and how i carry myself than i’ve ever felt before. So this is just to say that you have great things ahead of you.

I am 46. Mentally I am the best I have been in years. I had years and years of stress due to infertility and trying to move house and finally I am past all that. I finally wake up calm without that knot in my stomach which is actually incredible.
Physically, starting to get aches and pains. Not as tired as I was now that youngest is 5. Prob in peri menopause although not sure as been on the pill since youngest born so no periods.
Job is pretty good, had periods of being hugely stressful but last few years have been stable. I have no ambition so am happy to plod away.
Generally in a good place, I love my family and I love my home. Can't complain.

I feel like a spring chicken. I’m 56 and fit as a fiddle I go out to pubs and restaurants and enjoy life. I am very aware I am super lucky with my genes. My same age friends are “old”. I worry desperately about the future, but I feel fitter now than I did in my 30’s, now my kids are up Life is an adventure I suppose x

@Haddit - i’m the same age as you as are many of my friends, plus quite a few are older, and we all feel pretty young and still very much able to enjoy life. We’re not particularly scared for the future (well, leaving aside the current obvious global concerns). It’s really unfortunate if all your same age friends seem old. I don’t think that’s necessarily typical. Not meaning to argue with your experience but it would be a real shame if OP and those just behind us think it will all be over for them by their mid/late 50s.

Make that time the best it can be.

40s and 50s can be the best
Keep living life
Do new things
Watch Yes Man and follow the advice

Keep meeting new people and doing new things.

My lovely DM always said ‘ Some people were old when they were young’’ It’s true; it’s all about attitude( health conditions aside) to life . I have no plans to retire and don’t see myself as old or ready to do that. DH is 53 and in great shape. I still enjoy clothes and make up, interior design and looking after myself and my marriage. DC are young adults( 1 still at home) so at nearly 55 it’s the era where I have time to myself. I am loving weight training at home at the moment and actually look forward to it every other day.

It's about your mindset.

The best advice given to me (it was by a consultant dr) was practice gratitude.
Count your blessings every day, change what you can, accept what you can't, and be happy.

Happiness is a state of mind that you can choose, or not choose.

@greengreyblue its really not all about attitude.

Once you've had a set of surgeries and all the attendant anxiety that brings, plus failed surgery that means I'm slightly incontinent, pulled tendons that stop you walking as far as you'd like and bone crushing tiredness, attitude can only get you so far!

Yes I stay slim and lift weights and exercise and put make up on for work and take HRT. But I also go to bed by 8pm every night and the idea of having to go out for dinner makes me cry!

Yes I get this too. I’ve been so depressed at each worsening but if health news that I would cry every night. But I got to the stage where I did practice gratitude for the tiniest things and it helped.

Read my post- I said health conditions aside.

@greengreyblue sorry 🫣

I agree that others are very lucky with genes. I think it makes a huge difference how you are doing at this age, especially either with perimenopause or other health problems.

I looked after myself really well when I was younger, very fit, ran half marathons, ate well.

Unfortunately none of that gave me much protection from problems right after a concussion, post concussion syndrome, and subsequent iatrogenic injury from an off label antipsychotic. Having a movement disorder that was caused by the drug has made me feel older from aged 34, when at nearly 45 I probably would have been in ruder health now.

I know my adoptive mum says she has great genes, and I do envy her quite a bit. I often wonder how I might hsve been genetically with hers. And I know that I shouldn't blame my drug addict birth parents for my health issues, but occasionally I do. I feel awful saying that, so i try not to think it too much.

I think things can change
I am in my 60's now and had multiple miscarriages in my 30's which were very hard to cope with. In my 40's and 50's I had 2 injuries each left me on crutches for months on end. Low mood with menopause etc.
Now I am working FT in an interesting ( but very demanding ) job with an excellent salary and decent pension. My children are young adults and are lovely. DH and I still get on well. My parents are elderly but reasonably fit. I am travelling, seeing friends and family, going to the gym regularly and generally enjoying life.
I do know it could all turn in an instant so echo those who say enjoy it while you can but also although sadly some posters are in situations that won't improve for many it is a dynamic situation and may not be all doom and gloom in the future.

I thought I would gradually increase seniority at work and have great pay and a team to do grunt work by now. Since I was about 42 that progression just stopped happening: those jobs don’t exist. Everyone at the level I “should” be at and above has been made redundant and I have changed career and am retraining with people much younger. It’s hard work and I’m exhausted. I’m 54.
my kids are great and although I worry about them and their future, they keep me going.
my health is sliding off a cliff partly due to over work and lack of time and energy to take care of myself.
I’d like to ask the post meno women: when everything settles down, does the fanjo ever stop feeling awful?

It’s easy to say glibly that health is the most important thing but for some, the fact is that a balancing act between health and earning a living is required. If I had the money I’d go part time and get a personal trainer and the quality of my life would improve 300%. I’d sleep 8 hours a night, exercise every day and cook great food. I wish I could look after my health properly and I had no idea how lucky I was when I was younger to have time for gym and cooking - I took it all for granted. I mean I did it, I just thought it was basic and had no idea how much the demands of life can strip away from you and actually basic autonomy over personal care

Are you using vaginal oestrogen? If not, you need to be.

Estriol cream twice a week or more for a few weeks and then twice a week. Some women with bad vaginal atrophy need it more often and for longer at first.

It doesn't count as HRT.

Yeah but everything stings and feels really fragile. Some days I tolerate the cream better than others but I think it’s a bit better than not. Everything is just hypersensitive and every intervention is bad at least at first

Try the gel Blissel it’s much gentler I couldn’t get on with the pessary or cream at all both made me very sore. Make sure it is that gel as my GP thought I meant cream as they’d not prescribed it before.

Mine isn’t sore day to day but sex is still painful. I’d expected sex to be awesome once periods stopped…… that didn’t happen vaginal atrophy did instead which is sure fire way to kill your sex drive off.