Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

I'm about to turn 50 and feel happy with where I am in life. So far I've been lucky and not really had any bad perimenopause symptoms unlike many of my friends. I definitely get tired easier but nothing life changing. I do way more exercise than I did when I was younger so I feel physically strong and capable.
I've had a couple of promotions in work the last 5 years. Nothing exciting by 6 figure Mumsnet standards but enough to give me a confidence boost after working low wage jobs around the kids for many years.
The only thing I'm struggling with really is my kids growing up. I like the fact that I have more time for me and feel like this is 'my time' in a way but I miss the ones who are at uni. I also really worry about them, it's so hard to relinquish control and accept that I can't make life easier or better for them when they hit an obstacle.

Oh and in terms of life being what to expected. I never really thought about getting older and what life would look like! I guess when the kids were very little I imagined what it would like when they were older and I had more freedom but didn't anticipate how much you still worry about them

Everything is relative. Universal to all women at this age is menopause. I would advise you to get on HRT asap and get your testosterone checked a few months after you start. HRT was the energy level game changer.

I’m 49.

definitely not what I expected.

i had my kids young and expected at this age to be either really hitting my stride work wise or travelling the world in early retirement with my husband.

i am severely disabled due to an accident and divorced as my husband did not cope well with covid and started drinking and causing problems.

my two kids are at least through uni and getting established in life. I have cats and a garden and enjoy playing music but my body is totally fucked and my life has been nothing like I expected.

I’m not where I imagined I’d be in my early 50s. I thought I’d have it all figured out and be comfortable financially, maybe looking to reduce my hours and enjoy a bit of me time.

Instead I got divorced and while I’m lucky to own my own home the responsibility of being the only earner weighs heavy and I’m in the same situation as many people where my bills are rocketing but my salary hasn’t changed.

At work I feel undervalued - the senior males make all the decisions and still enjoy their holidays and golf while I’m worrying about paying the bills and wishing I was doing something I enjoy and didn’t dread going in every day.

I’ve put on weight and I’m always tired. I try to exercise but it’s easier to pour a glass of wine and try to relax. I sleep most nights but never wake up feeling refreshed. I’m in the classic situation of trying to support adult kids and ageing parents when I really need a bit of support myself.

The only plus is that I met a new partner and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. I wish he’d known me when I wasn’t like this though.

Im in a job where I am comfortable in both salary and responsibilities, I have turned down promotions as I want to keep my work life balance. Some of my friends have retired but they are very much the exception insofar as selling their businesses for millions so I dont use them as some kind of comparison. Still a few years left on the mortgage. I row competitively so in pretty good shape and much of my social life rotates around the club. My parents are in their 80s and need more assistance and I am concerned that they live in a very remote area. Not sure where I would be in my 50s but I am content.

I can’t sleep. I’m exhausted most of the time. Some days work is all I can manage and often weekends are spent just recovering from the week before it’s time to do it all again. I feel trapped and I think the only way to improve my life right now would be to take a step back from responsibilities at work or do fewer hours but I still have a reasonable mortgage and don’t have lots of financial security so I’m afraid to do that.

I’m 54 and feel great. I’ve been on HRT for about 8 years.
I keep and feel fit and have a good diet.
I retired from my main career 2 years ago but still work in a consultancy type role which I enjoy and feel like I am giving something back.
I am struggling a bit with the empty nest especially as my one child has moved abroad.
I am fitter than I’ve ever been but that is due to now having more time to myself.
Touch wood I will stay healthy and fit but you can’t take it for granted.

I’m sorry to hear so many are feeling awful but my experience is really different. I’m loving the age my kids are at, I’m happy at work and feel ready for one more promotion before plateauing into retirement, I’ve got more time to myself than I’ve had in years and am exercising regularly which makes me feel great. My initial peri symptoms appear to have settled well so that probably helps.

I’m 49 and feel great. Changed my diet and going to the gym regularly. Seeing muscle develop as well. Mortgage paid off and very happily married. I work in a physical job but that helps me. I’m probably pre menopausal but I don’t have any signs yet and I won’t be taking HRT. I’d never have thought I’d be in this position when young. I was an idiot who only thought about going out every weekend and having a good time. Nowadays I won’t even drink tap water

I’m 50 this year and really happy. Kids are good (one in uni doing really well, one in yr 13 also flourishing), lovely marriage and nice enough house. Self employed and business is going ok - been my whole adult life and I do think I could have aimed higher but it’s a bit late now, I’ll just keep going. Physically I am in great shape, periods stopped a couple of years back and I feel great, no HRT. I train hard (marathons, weights) and am the leanest I have been since I was 21. I’m excited about the next 50 years! Holidays, more time with DH, eventually moving somewhere near the sea / lakes instead of built up SE which I hate. Can’t wait!

(early fifties) - i feel generally good physically (lost a lot of weight and fitter than ive ever been) - some things are crap (hating going grey, i keep getting injuries/conditions- frozen shoulder, torn achilles etc, bad HRT/hormone impacts)
I'm still working seriously/ambitiously - definitely not on wind down (pretty stressful) and teenager at home- so sometimes feels very different to friends who are winding down/empty nesters but equally i feel older than anyone at work (its the only age ive felt ive had to lie about)- i don't know where anyone above 50 goes

I’ve just turned 51. I lost my Dad at 47 and had breast cancer at 48 (early catch). Also I’m a marketing freelance and I’ve lost two big contracts in the past 6 months, the clients didn’t renew with the companies I work with so not my fault. My oldest Son went to uni in September and the youngest one is about to do his GCSEs. I think I’ve got better at taking pleasure in the little things the last few years. On the flip side I feel that I have to be more mindful of health now, I’m on Tamoxifen and post menopause. I take different supplements and have started doing some work outs with weights. Today I’m going for a Dexa scan cause I’ve already lost an inch of height. Sleep isn’t always great, I’ve just started taking Magnesium. Don’t understand how you can be on fire all night and then get up in the morning and have to put the heating on. Also, one minute I want to do loads of stuff and go to loads of places and the next minute I want to just watch TV and do my crochet lol

Yeah I don't recognise this feelig yet. I'm 47 - enjoying work and have just taken on a whole new team, I have upped my exercise in recent years including weights and an ambition to master more challenging yoga poses like crow. I am feeling better than ever physically. I look forward to holidays and days out and enjoy new things.

I am just about to talk to.my GP about HRT after my physio recommended it as she feels lack of oestrogen might be the reasons an achilles injury is beong slow to heal.

I’m financially secure, working on health and fitness (low 4 stone a few years ago and am very good at keeping it off)
Need to improve gym and exercise etc
I feel like I am returning to myself but I am struggling with a big feeling of ‘time running out’

I went through the menopause at 42(after just having baby number 4) I got married at 49, second DH..dgs born that year. I was working ft nights, I did have a job to sleep in the day. By 50,had bought our second door upper. Was cycling, going to the gym. Bullied at work,still nursing big general hospital, which gave me IBS. I was on hrt for 17 years. Second son teenager was getting into trouble at school, usual stuff, unfortunately then physically assaulted by a teacher. Police came round, one said he had a pupil in that school it would be brushed off,it was. Attempted to get a place in another school,was unable to. DH had multiple serious phobias, mental health issues (caused by m walking out when he was 7) but I was in good physical shape .
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53. Feel great. No discernable menopause symptoms. Had horrendous menstrual life for decades finally resolved by a hysterectomy in my 40s so health has been a joy since then... maybe its all relative ? Teenage kids, love them dearly, few pinch points but nothing too serious. Work full time and will do if health allows till 66 as had kids late. But i like my job. Jogging vital to my mental health , and friends. Not a stealth post but eager to say its not all misery at this age ! Am much happier than 40s and more self sufficient. I lost my parents young so aware of the need to make the most of things while I can

I married for the 2nd time at 42 after a horrendous 1st marriage at 22! Im now 53 and retired so my life has become better in many ways. However im now dealing with 2 sets of parents (biological and step) and in laws who are all coming to an age where i worry about them constantly. Fil died in 2023 and my Mil now lives alone at 82 and even though she is very active, we still worry about a fall or illness. My dad has recently been diagnosed with dementia and seems to be going downhill quite fast and is also 80 so i also have the worry of helping out my step-mum without stepping on toes and interferring where she doesnt want it, she is very proud and wants to do all the caring herself. Touch wood my mum and step-dad are still fairly healthy both at 77 but i still worry about what the next few years will bring.

Also this 🙌

I was very fiery and feisty up until my late 30s. Now, ten years later, I really just want to keep the peace. No one is more surprised than me, and people I go out with e.g. my sister, will say "what happened to YOU?" if there's any sort of altercation, say, on the tube, and I let it go. Not a mug by any means, I just hate confronting people now. Not scared. Just can't be bothered.

Also, after 40 years of very heavy and debilitating periods, peri now has me on pretty much one long, permanent period. I'm also riddled with fibroids and it is months between each appointment they're (finally) giving me. Never expected to still be suffering so much at this age.

Nice.

You definitely are not a failure. I hear a strong woman who's had more than her fair share of challenges and managed to keep her kids focused. I hope you have good people looking after you.

I am late forties and feel very good. I think two things help that - being out the other side of peri menopause and giving up alcohol. There was a year or so when I was in the thick of peri menopause where everything felt a bit bleak and so this feels lovely!
Don't get me wrong I’m much poorer and far less successful in my career than I’d imagined, but I’m happy and the most emotionally stable I’ve ever been.

Fighting against the idea that it's all downhill now and I've had my turn..

This sums it up perfectly. This should be my time. There is so much I’ve sacrificed and waited for until the DCs were grown up, and now I’m there I just don’t have the energy levels or motivation to want to do any of it. I feel like I’ve missed the boat. The irony is that I now have the time, the money and the freedom to do it all, I just can’t be arsed!

I had an horrendous surgical menopause 6 years ago, and I’ve never managed to get my symptoms under control without severe side effects (chronic migraine). I ache all over, and I am so unbelievably tired even though my bloods are fine. I’m just reaching a point where I’m starting to think that this is it. This is as good as I’m ever going to feel and it’s only going to get worse. I’m clinging to the hope that I’m just a bit depressed and my mood will lift as we go into spring.

I'm 53 and feel great, better than I ever have. Suddenly went into menopause age 46, after having breast cancer and needing to take tamoxifen afterwards, no menopause symptoms. I feel like I'm buzzing with energy all the time & sleep like a log. I completely changed career aged 50, after sticking in a career for years that I didn't enjoy but was useful for childcare purposes. Absolutely love my new career, smashing it at work, mainly because I'm a whirlwind in the job - I get more done than any of my younger colleagues. At the moment, I don't ever want to retire, but I may feel differently in 10 years time. One child at uni, the other doing GCSEs, both doing well. Marriage is fine, nice house, mortgage paid off. I do have regrets - wished I'd had a 3rd child, and wished we'd moved to a bigger house. We had very good reason to not do either at the time though. A couple of minor health niggles - frozen shoulder and tinnitus, minor anxiety around holidays.
10 years ago I never thought I would be in this position, I thought I would still be in my old career that I hated, and would be frantically trying to save money to retire, and feeling like I'd missed my vocation in life.
Mentally, I'm definitely more stable, calmer and confident than I've ever been. I was a bag of emotions in my 20s, and not really very happy.

I'm 53 and feel like shit. Overwhelmed in every area of life, absolutely not what I imagined - not that that really matters, I guess. I'm sitting on a time bomb in terms of health if I continue at this pace without a big overhaul of diet/lifestyle, but can't see a way out financially and have zero headspace for myself.

I'm already on HRT and without it wouldn't be able to manage at all. However, it's only a small sticking plaster at this point. I honestly feel I've had enough and am just slogging away, wasting my life working so much, and waiting for something to take me so I can have a rest. Not proud of that but it's how I feel inside and it's tiring keeping up a normal appearance.

I'm aware that I probably feel this way because I've lost 4 friends in the last 4 years and had endless money/car problems. These have compounded the feeling that I was only just managing even before those started, and I'm now overwhelmed on literally every front. 50 odd days of rain and leaks etc (we're in Devon) haven't helped, but we've seen the odd bit of sun lately - I'm hoping my mood will lift in Spring.