Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

I feel a bit bad saying this as I can see lots of you are really struggling but I feel pretty good to be honest.

My 30s were a hard time - infertility, IVF, then non sleeping babies (and felt difficult to admit this was difficult given the infertility/IVF)

My 40s have been much better - the kids are older and much easier. I have made time for exercise and better diet/nutrition. My career is going well. No shade to anyone thinking about this but I was a bit 😮at the idea that this was a stage to start thinking about retirement! I still have loads of time to go in my career, I feel and lots I want to do.

The only thing I have felt is a bit of a loss of connection with DH. We still love each other but sex life has really dwindled.

I'm disappointed with how mediocre my life has been. I feel like I'm a rubbish human, because i constantly feel like I'm frantically just surviving each day and not really achieving anything of note. My job is blah. I'm very overqualified but very under confident so have never progressed or chased things, even when encouraged to.

I don't feel like I achieve anything on a daily basis? I feel like so much of what occupies my time are things that reset and need doing every day - like keeping the house clean, shopping and cooking and clearing up after meals. I'm constantly exhausted from the daily tasks, but they're not really achieving anything, are they? I feel like at my funeral, no one will have anything of note to say about me, other than "dinner was always ready by 6.30pm to accommodate the hobbies and lifestyles of everyone else in the house." Or "there was never a shortage of toilet paper or clean pants in our drawers while she was alive."

I'm aware my children are rapidly reaching the ages where they won't really need me much any more and will go off to their own lives. I'm not sure what I'll be left with. I feel like my whole life I have been an empty vessel and I've made putting others first my main identity. I'm not sure how I change that tbh. Mostly, i feel that I've rarely been happy and that i have wasted my life.

Im 57 and feel the same if not better than I have my whole life. Retired from my demanding job 2 years ago, have a fantastic husband and 2 kids one flown one about to. Financially secure and healthy, active in sport and community. Luckily I sailed through the menopause unlike a few of my friends but the ones who went on HRT swear by it.
I don’t think about the future really I just take each day as it comes.
Sad about the world around us though and I’ve came off all social media except mumsnet.

Do you mind sharing a link for the CBD oil, please?

I suspect the lack of energy and certainly libido is down to plummeting testosterone. I felt unexpectedly fantastic at 46 after years of feeling horrid then rapidly declined again. Then found out later there is a 'surge' around that point.

Also the rapid weight gain is a shocker - whole diet had to be reconfigured, sugar had to go, carbs pared right down, no eating after 7 - it's fairly crap but what some women have to do.

At that age our children left home and we found a 'freedom'. We could be more spontaneous with jus the two of us. That was wonderful. Then I was promoted and we moved to London from a small country town. That was really great.
Physically very tired, needed more sleep and for 2 years I needed to pee every 30 or 40 minutes. The commute was on the limit most mornings. But that got sorted.
During the years you mention, life was very good.

Wow, well done you x

I hate the unpredictability of late perimenopause (I'm 50).
I have autism so anything that doesn't follow a regular pattern messes with my head.
Some months I skip a period, other months I have a heavy one. I never know from one month to the next.
I think up until this stage of life my periods were the one thing I could predict. Always regular. Only ever late when I turned out to be pregnant.

I have recently lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly. That has completely floored me.

I struggle mentally - some days I just cry non stop.
My anxiety has reached a whole new level.
My eldest son is severely disabled (non verbal) and turns 27 this year. It breaks my heart to see other young men of his age in their various careers, living independent lives, in relationships, setting up homes and now becoming fathers.

I am in constant pain. If it's not my shoulder, it's my back or my hip or wrist. The pain is all consuming and dominates everything.

I don't think anything could have prepared me for how I would feel right now.

I wouldn’t watch the news. With billions of people there will always be violent conflicts somewhere on the planet. Unless we are senior politicians we don’t need to know about every single of them - it’s completely pointless.

If a conflict is big enough we will learn about it through its consequences without needing to watch pictures of injured people on our TV screens. Reading a couple of newspaper/ online articles every week is more than enough for most people to be sufficiently informed with current affairs. TV news is just misery porn.

51, horrible peri menopause symptoms, the worst of which are horrendous anxiety and unpredictable sudden flooding. HRT didn't work, I can't take SSRIs. Currently trying Mirtazapine, which seems to be helping a little.
DH medically retired recently with early onset dementia, aged 63. He's in that limbo period of being unable to work due to forgetfulness and confusion, but still perfectly capable of taking care of himself. I spend a lot of my free time answering endless repetitive questions from him.
DD has SEN and anxiety - she's better than she was a year ago, but still has her struggles. Not coping at all with DH's illness - only wants me.
Still working in a physically exhausting job. No chance of retirement. Do not own a property, stuck in rented. Not entitled to a penny in benefits except PIP and CB, as my 'giant' salary of £23k, plus DH's two tiny private pensions pushes us over the threshold.
Safe to say life at this age is not exactly what I imagined as a young woman...

I’m late 50s now but in early 50s was in the throes of peri and feeling pretty rough. I’m now in menopause and things have settled down. I’m on hrt and in my groove but have much less energy that my younger days. That said we’ll be retiring soon so I’m excited about that.

I didn’t expect to be divorcing and starting my life over completely.

I don't think I ever really thought about my 50's. It always seemed so far away, its definitely creeper up on me when my back was turned.

Physically, I have chronic hip bursitis. I manage fine day to day but it has had a huge impact on ability to exercise. My boobs have also tripled in size thanks to menopause so exercise is difficult all round, cannot do anything high impact at all.

Ive gained atound 3 stone, again since menopause, so in terms of health I am definitely not where I wish I was.

I have seen a significant increase in my anxiety. And I can't take hrt so am managing my symptoms the best I can.

I started my current career later in life. So I have colleagues only a couple of years older who have retired and returned (nhs) but I know I'll be working till state retirement age.

But I am generally content and grateful for what I have. I have a job I love. We are by no means we'll off or even comfortable built we can afford to pay the bills each month and have a holiday a year.

Dc's are older teenagers, they are healthy, working hard at school and uni. They have their own issues but with support are generally thriving.

So while things could definitely be better / different, I feel generally ok overall.

I am now 57, I retired 18 months ago. I hit late peri/menopause during the covid years working as a front line ICU nurse 4-5 13hr night-shifts a week. The hot flushes dressed in full plastic PPE were off the scale awful, I was barely sleeping and everything hurt. I couldn't access HRT. I didn't acknowledge it at the time but I totally burnt out. I changed jobs into something I had wanted to do for a long time, completed a rigorous training and managed a year before I just couldn't do it anymore. I had never imagined myself not working and my job was one that I really loved until I didn't. The impact on my mental and physical health was profound.

I have devoted this last 18 months to rest and recovery, I am fitter than I have been in 30 years, my physical and mental health are great (I have a fabulous integrated medicine Doctor who has sorted out the hormones).

I am very financially secure, successfully raised my kids to adulthood and no longer give the tiniest shiniest shit what other people think which is so liberating.
My husband will retire this year and we will be off to see the bits of the world we have not yet seen (if Trump hasn't blown the place to shit)

In short my life is totally different to how I imagined it at 20 but immensely better.

My forties were hard: diagnosed with bowel disease at 40, breast cancer at 45. Marriage collapsed two weeks before I turned 50 and I am now in the throes of a divorce. Sleeping is terrible, energy levels on the floor, and I am emotionally wrecked by the end of my marriage which I thought was for life. Terrified about money because my career took a back seat while DS was small and pensions are negligible. Now working full time and will do for the rest of my life I suspect.

On the plus side, my female friendships have flourished in my forties and I feel buoyed up by the amazing women who have stuck by my side far more consistently than my husband ever did.

I'm past your age band but of course I've been there 😄

I sailed through the menopause with lots of night sweats and a few night terrors as I was dropping off to sleep. I used to slap myself to wake myself up so I could fall asleep properly, otherwise stuff got quite frightening!

I did retire from full time work at 51 on a private pension, and didn't noticeably lose energy until around 60. I backed my last 3 year old horse at 63. None of that was in my plans at 25.

It was liberating to reach a stage where I had nothing to prove to anyone.

If both partners are going are going to retire early then you either need to be on the same page as to how life should be from there on, or you need strong independent lives outside the relationship so you are almost using leisure activities as your work routine.

We should start another thread for 60 to 70, because that's really where the wheels feel of for me and the OH physically. Make the most of your 50's!

I’m 46 later in the year. Moved NHS trusts at 45 and was he best thing, realise how much my last place was dragging me down.

Peri hit a few years ago. I have symptoms and have managed them so far but they seem to have relaxed a bit recently. The achy joints etc makes you feel older than you are tho! Not yet on HRT. Some friends are.

Health is good apart from that really: I’m fighting to keep active through full time work. I do spin, resistance/strength and yoga. We spend time in nature and walk a lot. Which really helps the anxiety of peri for me. I eat well nutritionally but not perfectly. No retirement anywhere near tho! I can take part of my nhs pension at 60 but i’ll still be working in some capacity. No friends anywhere near either.

Im happy, have a relaxed lovely relationship. We are like best mates cheesy but true. I catch up with a small group of friends. Have nice holidays and trips away. My dad stresses me out as he ages and more things with his health occur but hey that’s part of getting older and we lost mum many years ago. So i’ll take that to have him stil here.

Thankyou, you’ve really lifted my spirits. I trained as a teacher and was top of my game. Eventually I burnt out, but found other jobs in education.

Now I’m reduced to claiming PIP and ESA, until my pension comes through. What kind of role model am I now?

I don’t know about anyone else but I had never really thought about my late 40s/50s. When I was younger envisioning my future, my family, climbing the ladder etc it was always my 30s to early 40s I was picturing. I’ve always struggled to picture my older years, I don’t know what I want for that stage of my life beyond the obvious.

I’m 45.

i have a two year old and a five year old. I’ve recently lost a lot of weight which has been hanging around since covid so I have a new lease of life in a way.

I am finding work increasingly hard. I just don’t like it (I think I’ve been doing it too long) and not enjoyable and finding it hard to be motivated. But I earn too much

This!! (I hope you feel better once the weather improves @Nevermind17 )

That expectation that once the kids are more independent, there's a bit more money available, an opportunity to reduce hours at work to make more 'me' time has completely disappeared. Yes, I've reduced hours but only to fit in the housework, chores, helping my elderly parents deal with life and their medical needs/appointments. Watching their decline has been horrible and as another PP said the realisation that I've probably got a 'good' 10 years left (If I'm VERY lucky) followed by a likely 'dodgy' 10 years after that is very sobering.

Meno has been an utter bitch. I'm 56, on HRT but having sporadic bleeding so need a scan. Probably to be told 'yeah you just gotta put up with it' 🙄. The meno rage is off the scale and I hate everyone and everything.

I mean, I was never naïve enough to believe it would all be plain sailing but, fuck me, the last 10 years have been a bit shit tbh.

I’m 47 and life is interesting at the moment. I’m in my first year of an undergraduate degree and all being well, will turn 50 in my qualifying year. It is a job known for stress and burnout, so I’m hoping that when that occurs it’ll be time for retirement!
My lovely DH is supporting me and also my DD (his stepdaughter) through university. Money is a bit tighter but I’m still working a day or two in my previous job - and am enjoying engaging with lots of things that are happening at university and having a bit more free time for now. Youngest will be going to secondary school soon.

Health-wise, I have lost 5 stone over the last year. Still a few to go but am looking the best (in clothes at least) I have in ages and am taking care of my skin, collagen supplements and started HRT a few years ago to deal with the onset of perimenopause symptoms. I do need to start weight training again though - and get on with starting C25K.

The only thing I would love to change is our house. It has always been too small for five of us but DH has refused point blank to think about moving, so am hoping when I have a proper wage coming in I’ll be able to put my foot down.

“Losing your physical attractiveness to men” why do women talk about themselves like this, and invisibility.

I didn’t think my young adult children in their early 20s would ‘need’ me so much still. Whilst I’m lucky that they have both just ‘launched’, they still rely on me emotionally and for advice quite a lot. I have no idea if that’s normal or not.

Didn’t expect to have so little energy for my kids, wish I had them when I was younger. I had them at age 36 and 38