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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

336 replies

Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot · 04/03/2026 03:01

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

OP posts:
Nannyfannybanny · 05/03/2026 12:34

NorthernishLass, I agree.. obviously if you have serious health issues, fair enough
My late DF used to say ",this isn't the dress rehearsal, this is it, make the most of it".

cupfinalchaos · 05/03/2026 12:34

My 30’s was the worst decade of my life when i found the courage to leave my abusive ex and was left with my two small children. So I never had any expectations of my 40’s/50’s. Sheer luck had me meet my dh who carries me through life, an exceptional step dad. My only complaint is the worst insomnia I’ve ever had!

flowertoday · 05/03/2026 14:25

I am 50, have just started HRT. Night sweats have gone straight away ( thank goodness) but i feel a bit worse otherwise. I will stick it out as I know you need to give it time. And I am keen to protect my bones as am slim and know I will be at increased risk of osteoporosis.

I would echo what others have said about fatigue, anxiety, lack of confidence. I have had bereavements and other difficult times in recent years. I feel defeated at times , and have nowhere near the energy or resilience of my younger self. I worry more, perhaps not about myself but about everyone else.
On a positive note I have a job I like , a beautiful family and good health generally even if perimenopause is messing with that at the moment.
I think this is s tough time of life. I wish I had had more sympathy for my mum when she was going through menopause xxx

Disturbia81 · 05/03/2026 15:32

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 04/03/2026 19:34

I agree, not all of us have shite lives or feel shite.

Honestly this forum is so full of women who are miserable, far too negative about themselves, struggle through things without trying to solve it. Who won’t make changes.

Rummikub · 05/03/2026 15:38

Disturbia81 · 05/03/2026 15:32

Honestly this forum is so full of women who are miserable, far too negative about themselves, struggle through things without trying to solve it. Who won’t make changes.

Very kind to say!

it’s just sharing experiences and expectations. Nothing wrong with that.

in real life I’m not that honest about what’s going on (a select few only). This thread has enabled me to share my real thoughts and I appreciate it.
Most people have no idea about my circumstances.

Kerri44 · 05/03/2026 16:39

I'm 47 today with an 8yr old and a 3yr old....life is great! I changed my career last year and absolutely loving the change of direction and learning and hoping to start my Employment Law qualification later this year, I have a loving husband and we live in my childhood home which we are starting to extend and refurb next month, financially we are in a good place and heading for a decent pension, health wise I'm not great but ultimately as CBT has taught me "pain in inevitable, suffering is optional" .....I have a young family so have to go through it 🤷🏻‍♀️

pocketpairs · 05/03/2026 16:59

Generally feel about the same, although face has started looking middle aged. Figure is same, although have a thin layer of fat that I can't seem to shift. Probably start to think that I'm old(er) when I'm 50+ I imagine.

Spacedsunshine1 · 05/03/2026 17:03

Exhausted. All. The. Time. As a result, literally no energy at all to do anything, let alone exercise. Frequent migraines, low mood and insomnia. I feel quite fed up really.

Rummikub · 05/03/2026 17:07

Spacedsunshine1 · 05/03/2026 17:03

Exhausted. All. The. Time. As a result, literally no energy at all to do anything, let alone exercise. Frequent migraines, low mood and insomnia. I feel quite fed up really.

Have you seen your GP with those symptoms? Low vit D can cause some of those.

Spacedsunshine1 · 05/03/2026 17:09

Rummikub · 05/03/2026 17:07

Have you seen your GP with those symptoms? Low vit D can cause some of those.

I haven't, I just assumed this was life in your 50s. Maybe I should, thank you

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 05/03/2026 17:14

Fidgety31 · 04/03/2026 20:34

I never thought I would be single at 50.
i am healthy . I have a full time job and everything I own is mine - no credit .

However i don’t earn a lot - always worked around kids so career took a back seat .
I feel my best years are behind me now and I fear that life is going far too quickly .
I wish I could rewind the clock and make some different choices !

Can you use the knowledge you now have to guide your DC and turn it into a positive?

Rummikub · 05/03/2026 17:28

Spacedsunshine1 · 05/03/2026 17:09

I haven't, I just assumed this was life in your 50s. Maybe I should, thank you

I’d ask for thyroid, full blood count, iron, B12 and vit D (I’m not a medical person just taken an interest)

I think it’s true that at our ages we think this is it. But I always wonder if I’d gone to the doc sooner would my condition be so severe.

Just in case you’re not on it; HRT really helped my sleep and mood. And aches! Gutted when I had to stop.

Don’t accept it; check it out.

Slebs · 05/03/2026 18:13

I'm 51 and have a 4 year old, whom I love more than I imagined was possible. It's all great.

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 46, which I'm fairly sure started at puberty but I never hit the NHS diagnosis threshold. I have more energy now than at any time before I was about 12. It's all relative I guess. All the peri symptoms friends are complaining of are things I experienced for over 3 decades, and was told were my fault/I was imagining.

I weigh less, exercise more, am happier, healthier and more optimistic. Life is good.

IrishSelkie · 05/03/2026 18:14

Rummikub · 04/03/2026 19:10

It’s annoying isn’t it!
I used to buy organic, never smoked, rarely drink.
you may as well do what you want! And let life happen cos it will anyway!
my dad started smoking in early teens and regularly drank and ate meat everyday. Shift wither too. Got to in his 80s!

It’s super annoying and I can’t do what I like thanks to menopause meaning I can’t tolerate alcohol anymore 🤣

Thegreatestgroaner · 05/03/2026 18:23

Enigma54 · 04/03/2026 06:28

What CBD oil do use to help you sleep if you don’t mind me asking?

Try the ‘Trip CBD 3000mg high strength dream drops. I’ve just started using them as I suffer from chronic pain and can’t sleep. They are helping massively. Have a look on TikTok shop at the trip store. They have other cbd sellers as well

TimezoneEarth · 05/03/2026 18:31

StrawberrySundaes · 04/03/2026 04:31

I feel physically awful. I am 48yo. Full throes of perimenopause symptoms - weight gain, brain fog, tired all the time, no motivation, erratic periods (anywhere from 13-46 day cycles but usually every 2-3weeks and very heavy). Full on insomnial, restless legs, achy joints, hot flashes. My migraines have increased in frequency. I have had tests and there’s nothing wrong with me. Thyroid seems ok.

The past 6 months have been really hard so I have started weight loss meds, CBD oil and other supplements. Melatonin etc. The CBD oil has done wonders for my sleep quality.

I am very fortunate that I don’t work / retired. So on days I feel like I am running on fumes I don’t have a pressing need to push on. If I was working I feel like I’d be an utter mess 😆

Emotionally I feel quite stable (I am a pretty stoic, introverted person) and have always been that way.

Could you share on here or via PM please, where you get your melatonin and what strength, and what brand and strength of CBD oil works please.
I feel much like you very often and if there's a combo which could help, then I'll run not walk to get it!

Joeydoesntsharefood25 · 05/03/2026 18:39

MrsMurphyIWish · 04/03/2026 06:49

I’m 47 and exhausted. I’m awake at 3am and I don’t get back to sleep as ASD DS gets up at 4.30. I’m a teacher and I find it’s takes me much longer to mark and teach as my brain doesn’t seem to work as quickly, I wonder how long I can keep doing this job tbh which is a shame as I e been teaching for 26 years. I’m on HRT and jog 10k 4 times a week to try and keep active but it’s an effort and it never used to be. I’m lucky that I have a wonderful DH, fab kids and always go on holiday every break from school!

It sounds like you're seriously depleted. Running 40k a week is a huge amount of strain on your body and you have a stressful job. Im a health professional and I would seriously advise you to look at your lifestyle to reduce the stress, swap some of the running for yoga and meditation. Our body's change as we age and we do need to adjust.

Hotterthebetter · 05/03/2026 18:50

Mid 50s and happier than ever. Health is good apart from usual aches and pains but I don’t feel old.
Menopause was awful but HRT sorted that for me.
Kids grown, settled with partners and building good careers. Two gorgeous grandsons.
have been happily married for 30 years and we both have taken early retirement. Husband 3 years ago and me one year ago. I am conscious of the fact we have more years behind us than in front but we are enjoying a slower pace of life after working for the last 40 years. We are lucky enough to be able to have several holidays each year and regularly go on evenings out.

Lovemycat2023 · 05/03/2026 18:53

I was thinking about this the other day when a pension statement came through. It was from the first pension I started over 20 years ago, and I obviously put retirement down as 55!

I’ve just started a new role which is a step down from my last job. It’s a good combination of interesting, nice people, not too stressful and the pay is good for the sector and role. I have no desire to get promoted or climb the ladder.

I would like to go to 4 days a week and am planning for that soonish but prob not this year. The mortgage will be paid off in 5 years, but that’s not the biggest part of my monthly expenses so not a huge deal.

I have a health condition so used to feeling very fatigued and that’s no worse, but I’ve put on a stone and sleep is a lot worse. That’s the bit I’d like to improve. On the other hand I am fitter than I was.

Summerlovin24 · 05/03/2026 18:53

Financially not where i would want to be. Friends retiring and I am skint.
However, loving life early 50s being single, weekends to myself now kids grown. I do all my hobbies all the time , see friends, socialise ,drink and party. No grumpy man at home dampening the mood.
Bit more tired so have to factor in down time between the fun but.life is for living

Blomama · 05/03/2026 18:58

Gosh! Can't believe so many women my age feels this way. I'm 47, have been on HRT (and testosterone) for 2 years - I also take creatine. Still love my job (headteacher), earn a great salary and so does DH so combined income is high. Still in a great marriage and think my husband is hot! Lovely children who are sporty and academic. I get frustrated that we don't have the same benefits from parents that lots of our British peers seem to have had like mortgages paid off or being gifted huge sums of money. I send money home to my parents so there is no chance of a windfall for me. People often say I'm 'lucky' when they hear my story but I feel I've worked incredibly hard to get here and have looked after my relationships well so I'm well liked and have good friends. I know this looks like luck from the outside given my very humble immigrant roots! I worry about my children taking this very comfortable life for granted so regularly remind them of times when our cupboards were bare when I was a child.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 05/03/2026 19:11

Interesting thread OP. Learning a lot from the not so great and I spared by the positives.

Due to circumstances, I've never been able to plan or dream big, had to live day by day and hope for the best.

Now late 40's, I'm more or less happily average.

Peri has been a pain, not on anything, just riding it out. I was stuck on the same weight for 2 years, then realised I could try harder, so have finally started to go down by cutting out lunch and having protein only for breakfast as well as three 5k jogs a week.

Relationship is great, job is OK, finances so-so.

Biggest win is finally being able to stand up for myself to DM and other family members.
Used to be a people pleaser, but now, DH and I come first and people have learnt to accept it.

doublec · 05/03/2026 19:25

Fair to say my 40s haven't been great mostly because I was diagnosed with breast cancer a month after I turned 47. Two mastectomies, fallopian tubes & ovaries removed, chemo, radiotherapy and later, and am still plagued with the most dreadful and painful peripheral neuropathy. But, you know what, am pretty happy, far happier than I was pre-cancer. Why? Well, I didn't die - am the first in my family to be diagnosed with cancer and not die within six months. My mother died at 50. I'm now a few months away from my 52nd birthday. I've outlived her. That's ahuge thing. Am just bloody grateful to have a life to live that its buoys me enough to put up with all the crap (indeed, am currently dealing with eviction, TA and all other kinds of shit. But, it would be so much worse.

My sole gripe? Not being allowed HRT. I went through a premature menopause and that was the only thing keeping me going. But, and thankfully, now I am finished cancer treatment and seven years post menopause, most of those symptoms have vanished. Or maybe it's just chemo-brain is far worse than meno-brain ever was. Either way, I'll be fine. The simple fact that I was had cancer and didn't die like my mum, (nor my aunt who was in her 30s). This keeps me going, and kind of puts everything else into perspective tbh. Am just pleased to be experiencing a time of life that my mother did not, and I could never envision.

Without wanting to sound flippant, am kind of relieved I've dealt with both parents dying (and will never have to deal with them ageing and everything that brings). Add in I've had my own major health scare and seem to have come out of it mostly unscathed. Am hopeful it means I can get on with my 50s and have a great time! Am actually filled with hope for my 50s that was missing during my 40s.

Twattergy · 05/03/2026 19:28

At 50, Im earning more/in a more senior position than I ever thought I would be. I didn't think that Id suffer in the way that I have for the past 5 years due to peri menopause though. Didn't realise how very different in myself it'd make me feel (despite HRT). I'm fitter than I was in my 30s or early 40s but feel like I have a lot less mental energy. In sort, I am grateful for all I have but not very excited about the future.

Wafflesandcrepes · 05/03/2026 19:34

I always thought I’d be more serious and dour in my late forties. Instead, the opposite has happened. I love going out, going to gigs, dancing, and I’m far more laid-back and understanding of others. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Maybe because I’ve got less to prove to myself. I love being in my late forties!