Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

Wait til you get to 60.. the hormone imbalances etc will become irrelevant.. i got to 60 and had to care for elderly parent with alzheimers and keep an eye 👁️ n bedbound relatives etc… you dont know how lucky you have it til this happens….

I’m 46 and being completely truthful, I feel let down and it’s hard to shake. After fighting to be heard since the age of 39 for treatment for a truck load of perimenopause symptoms which affected my life so badly, only to be fobbed off by everyone I spoke with, both male and female doctors and other medical professionals to finally get a diagnosis two years ago. I’ve turned a corner but not out of the woods. I feel extremely angry and hurt my mother knew all of this was to come and said absolutely nothing. Yet she would still willingly antagonise the heck out of me during this time knowing I was enduring biopsies, random health issues, confused, mentally unstable, couldn’t form a sentence and gaslit me into the middle of next year, continuing her life long mission to keep making me feel small and useless. My DH in this time was diagnosed with AuDHD and my son with Autism. I am having an absolute ball. I had to give up karate, I was going for my 2nd Dan and coaching when the joints started playing up, my back became as unstable as my mind and I couldn’t shake the smallest of injuries. I can’t drive because I become that anxious I cry or I’ll be angry and swearing at some poor soul within 30 seconds.
Breaking point was mid last year and I am working on absolutely everything. I am a lot better mentally and winging it. I no longer feel bad for not being my usual self and having a good old reboot.
Lucky to have a healthy and happy family and be comfortable. I remind myself of this whenever I have a wobble. I don’t want to go down the HRT route either for personal reasons. It’s simply not an option for me.

I have bought some Trip 3000mg dream drops from Amazon. Will try them tonight and see how I get on. Thanks..

I'm sorry. How are you at the moment?

Similar here. I was upskilling ready for a promotion and we were planning on moving to a bigger house in a lovely coastal town. Life was great.

Then a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer at 41 brought my world crashing down. I've had many ups and downs over the last 4 years but right now multiple things are going wrong at once and I'm scared that my luck is running out. I'm 45 with 13 & 10 year olds

I’m so sorry to hear that x I understand what you mean. I feel like a house of cards or dominoes and collecting so many other issues along the way.

I wish I’d valued and appreciated my health more.

Im responding to treatment and I know it’s just a holding position. There’s no cure. But I have had an extra year so far.

im ok. I’m back at work which I didn’t think I would be. I’ve jettisoned some things there and I’m lucky I work in a supportive team.

i am preparing. Saying things now. Started a list of things my dc should know like where the stopcock is. Accounts. It’s actually cathartic. Sorted out death in service for them. Passing on jewellery I want them to have now.

Also fixing the house up.

I never had any idea what life would be like but I didn't think I would still be child rearing as I had my first two when I was very young. Life is good, I have a reasonable paid job and I am giving my youngest three a life I never had and my older children a better role model and example of what a stable family life looks like.

Quite a lot of my friends retired in their early to mid fifties as they’d bought two or more London properties in their early twenties and rented them out. Most have sold in the last few years and pocketed around £350-£600k plus took their pensions at 55. Ordinary public sector workers. There was a short period of time when you could get 100% (or even extra to buy furniture) mortgages, interest only.

Most have been world travelling post covid or bought holiday homes abroad. One lives abroad but travels back frequently and still has a rented out uk place. A couple have returned to part time work just for the structure and company but don’t need to work financially. Several have bought campervans!

I can see this happening soon with millennials who will inherit massive property wealth.

Sorry to those who have been dealt a health or other blow.

I get my CBD oil on private script through my dr (Australia). Melatonin I used to buy on iherb.

Same.i give my all to all and im left wondering why i bother

I was on transdermal HRT (through one of those medical concierge services / online women’s health service) but my GP and gynae were not happy so asked me to stop. My next step would be to check with a neurologist which I haven’t been to in years. I do get extreme migraines though and 2 types so not sure if this is what was making them nervous.

At 47 I was made redundant. It was a shock but I got an excellent package. After a tumultuous decade of burn out, caring responsibilities, job changes, caring, losing my Dad and brother in Covid in traumatic circumstances, then both my in laws within a year, I didn’t realise how broken I was and how much I was living on my nerves.

in the past year I have lost almost 6st, gone freelance so I don’t have to work in the corporate hamster wheel anymore, get better sleep and spend more time with my teens picking them up every day.

I look and feel the best I have in a decade, I have a PT twice a week, a dog I adore and with the exception of a few niggles I have so far escaped too many menopausal symptoms (give it time!).

I always wanted a portfolio career in my 50s, and I guess I am on my way towards that. Due to losing three parents we have inheritance money stashed, nothing crazy but enough, so I have gone from panicking about having a crap pension, to being in about the right place to retire mid 60s and live comfortably, I just need to keep earning enough to live just now. That includes regular facials and my nails done 😁

Happily married, nice kids, decent house, nice car….yeah, probably about where I hoped I would be. But if you had asked me a few years ago I was a much more frazzled version of myself!

I’m 48 with an Autistic 8 year old and an angry 6 year old. Daily life is sooooo hard. I’m juggling two jobs and single parenting and I am exhausted. I’m in the worst financial position of my entire life. I thought by this age I would be financially secure with a decent house and a decent social life. Instead I’m in a house that doesn’t suit our needs, mortgaged upto the eyeballs and have no life. I feel like our generation got the worst deal. I’ve worked so hard my entire life yet my parents generation (boomers) got lucky and all sitting on second homes, luxury holidays and plenty of cash in the bank when only one of them went out to work. I grew up expecting the same standards as them but certainly didn’t get the brochure life I signed upto

I;m 56 now, so just out the other side. Got meno symptoms from about 50, took me a year to realise then went on HRT which helped hugely with brain fog & irrational anger. Took up a physical sport at 47 which keeps me fit and strong, thought I was doing well until last year when my knees have started to give out. Otherwise healthy though, which I'm really grateful for.
Confidence got knocked when I got made redundant 3 years ago, but I found a brilliant new job and team, so now feel better than ever that I can cope with change. Kids are relatively young, so not thinking of retiring yet, but probably won't work much past 60.
In my 30s, I wondered how I would ever work for another 30+ years, now I don't mind it. Life is good, I can't bear to think I'm over half way through.

At that age I wasn’t happy either thinking is this it, also had a lot of health and hormone issues. After a few years hormones settled and like got quite predicable and dare I say it……boring.

Then my DH had an accident and our lives have been horrific since then, and I’d give anything to go back to that ‘boring’ time. You never can tell the future and I so wish I realised how lucky we were before.

I’m 50 and feel pretty good, it is a lot more work to get there at this age but it is also easier in a way because my kids are older and have a lot more time for exercise etc. career wise I am not where I expected but I made choices along the way due to having a family and I don’t regret that. But I still feel I have a lot to achieve since. I had a big pivot in my mid 40s so I am not really thinking about retirement.

My life isn’t anywhere I expected it to be.

I'm 53, almost 54. 3 years ago after suddenly losing my dad I found out my husband had sexually abused our 7 year old daughter.

I'm now divorced, unemployed after moving country and living with my 3 kids with my mum! My kids are 11, 9 and almost 7. Found out 3 weeks ago my ex is being charged with 13 offences relating to my daughter, his eldest daughter and indecent images.

So not how I expected to be living life.

I didn’t expect to be the main breadwinner and organiser of the family. I always knew I could be strong and independent but I always thought it would be alongside a husband who could also be strong and independent.

i have learned a lot about neurodiversity and how I can support my husband who has severe ADHD. I have constant anxiety that one day he may find something “nicer” than me because his brain thinks in short-term dopamine hits, and I am now old and tired.

I stayed in a marriage when he was emotionally abusive and very very angry. I stayed to help him through that. I am not the same person (I have lost my spark) but he is a better person for the support I gave and sacrifices I made. Ultimately I did this for my children so they didn’t have a deadbeat dad. He would’ve been a deadbeat not for his ADHD but for his abusive childhood that only taught him how to treat people badly. His ADHD prevented him from knowing how to overcome the abusive childhood and implement the change to be a better person.

i didn’t expect to find it so hard to
build a career. Not because of my ability, but because I am so bad at politics and brown-nosing. My ability is good. My people skills are good but I can’t be fake and I can’t blow my own trumpet.

I’m 55 and actually quite happy in my own skin. I’m on HRT so on top of menopause.
I’m in a job I love, keep busy with my horse and we’re mortgage free.
DD joined the Royal Navy last year and we’re proud of her.
I’ve so much to be grateful for even though I have early osteoarthritis, had both hips replaced but aside from this my health is good.
When I was young 55 seemed old but not anymore

Divorce.... Didn't expect that after 28years...

But on a brighter side, hey, I still can have a good life

I'm 48. I don't feel as though I have way less energy than in my 20s and 30s, though I'm sure I do have less. That said, I have started exercising more in the last 10 years, so that might be it. I certainly don't recognise in myself the cliche of 'everything aches all the time and I'm always tired', so my health feels better than I might have expected. It could also be because my mum has a chronic illness and so I'm definitely way better off than she was at this age.

Mentally pretty happy - really enjoying the freedom of kids not needing babysitters anymore so we can do our own thing. DH has had a rocky few years career wise (hopefully resolving a bit now) so I feel a little like we've missed out on a nice interval before oldest DC starts uni (in September) when we might have been able to afford nicer holidays/save up more money.

You and me both😊

I've also had an unexpected career shift in the last 18 months to a field where pay (and options) are much better than the field I was in for the last 20 years, which has been just as well given husband's work scenario. I'm now on more money that I would probably even get at the most senior level in my previous industry (and I wouldn't have wanted to be that senior) even though I'm fairly junior.

I suppose when I was younger I imagined I'd be looking at retiring mid 60s but I'm planning on keeping going to 70 if possible because my pension won't be that great, DH's will be almost non existent, and TBH I don't mind working longer because there's not much to look forward to in retirement if you'll just be scraping by.

I am about to be 55. I am post menopause and feel great, full of energy, luckily in great health, still happily married and kids grown up and successful and we are financially secure with mortgage repaid years ago. No plans to retire. Our lives are pretty tame but happy. Don’t know what I expected but came from a happy family with happily married parents so probably hoped for the same and I have it. Very grateful.

I semi retired at the age of 45 became a contractor working 2/3 days a week and life was great. I'd had a hysterectomy (ovaries left) and felt on top of the world after around 8 years of problems.

My DH died just before my 50th. I had to go back to work properly so I could accommodate school runs as the kids school was 2 bus rides and a mile walk away otherwise. We spent our savings on him as he was dying.

3 years later, I went self employed again.I earnt a lot more so stupidly doubled the size of our house which quadrupled my mortgage. I can't reduce my hours and am constantly chasing contracts because our outgoings are significantly more than they were when we lived in a 3 bed semi.

I'm going through menopause now at the age of 59. It's OK. It's likely been happening for a whole, so no big issues thankfully.

My pension pots are OK - I'll be fine with state pension, but I couldn't retire right now.

When I look back, the kids have had a good life. I have too. I don't regret anything.