Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

I have quite a lot of energy which I suspect is linked to my having ADHD.
Friendships seem to be drifting a bit because everyone’s busy.
DH does his own thing and not really interested in me. I would like us to be closer but I like being alone too much to make the effort.
Sometimes everything feels better then it ever was and sometimes I just feel is this it?

I relate a LOT to this. Groundhog Day. Let me remind you that you are worthwhile just the way you are.

But it does sound like you need to find something(s) that gives you joy in your life.

I had a really fun 20s. 30s were getting married, buying a house, kids. Since Covid it's been.... Meh. I feel like you do a lot of the time too TBH but have some really good fun friends and a non demanding hobby I like that help keep me from despair.

God how awful for you and your daughter, and the other victims. You've done what you had to do to get away from your ex. Be proud of that x

48 and could not be happier. My career is massively taking off and I absolutely love my job. I feel like I’m finally able to grab life and enjoy the adventure. Travelling more now than I’ve ever done and I love seeing the world, meeting new people and learning.

I feel like I am wishing the next decade away. 51, struggling with peri, sick of my job but need the money and lack confidence to chuck it in and move. Oldest at uni, two kids still at home, I worry a lot about them, particularly the middle one. All four of our parents still going in their 80s but can see over the next decade we (DH and I both the oldest responsible child) will just have endless burden of care, losing them and then dealing with the fallout. Trying to carve out time for me - I’m on HRT, am exercising and trying to look after myself, my Mum has osteoporosis which I am keen to stave off. DH similarly fed up - we are both feeling trapped by responsibility. I’m chair of a small charity which is just endless work to be done, nobody else will step up, I feel responsible for trying to look after everyone that volunteers there too. We’re quite well set up financially but I feel like we’ve been too cautious and should have gone off round the world rather than saving into pensions. I met up with my NCT friends after a fairly long gap and we had a very therapeutic catch up but bloody hell we have all been through some crap in the last 10 years!
It all feels hard and I feel more burdened than I expected at this stage in life.

I thought I'd envy the young but I don't.

Hello. I feel crushed. ( 50 ). Met a wonderful man age 37. Had no relationships before that as shy and probably neurodiverse. Lost him to suicide in 2023.

Oh I'm so, so sorry 😞 Sending you huge hugs and love. ❤️

I’m 50 and have recently been questioning / regretting nearly all of my major life choices … plus won’t be mortgage free until I’m 65… so goodness knows when I’ll be able to retire. Feel pretty flat.

I thought I’d be more mature, confident and have more of a ‘f*ck it I don’t care attitude’ but I’m even more of a worrier, no self esteem and now feel a bit lost with our three kids not needing me much but I don’t feel free either, I’m still tied to the home. I still feel like I’m in my 20s in my head, I don’t feel mature at all. I’m even less sociable too, mainly as I look a total mess being overweight and looking old. I also just can’t be bothered. So no, I’m not how I thought I would be! I feel like I’m still figuring out who I am and feel bored of the same old drudge of housework, washing, shopping etc. As the kids have got older, anxiety about them has increased. 21 years of being a mum and I have no idea who I am any more. What a jolly reply 😂.

I certainly didn’t expect to be sitting in hospital waiting for my turn to have a total hip replacement at the ripe old age of 49.
as luck would have it, I’ve never been full of life expectations. When I was younger, what might happen in my forties/fifties didn’t cross my mind.

Oh bless you I had my left hip replaced at 49 too. I’m now 54 and had right hip replaced when I was 51. OA isn’t reserved for the over 80s.
I was lucky to have health insurance through work and got them both done quickly.
All is good now, I’m very active and have my own horse who I look after and ride.

Oh that’s good to hear. I haven’t had a long wait so am very lucky and amazingly, my right hip is perfectly fine. Very reassured to hear you have a horse now. Roll on summer.

47 now. I had a series of close family bereavements. My mum died when I was 20. My dad when I was 40 and my brother when I was 45. Life is for living so feel the pressure to get out there a bit more.
Still teaching English full time and have two teenage sons and a DH. Physically, feeling tired more now and finding driving to work a bit stressful. Takes me a while to get over coughs, cold and always seems to some ailment getting me down.
I would like to make more of my life really but seems to be lacking energy. I'm interested in what chat gpt can do for me advice wise and technology has made teaching very different over the last few years.
Sad state of the world and, yes, did fall into the trap of watching lots of news which does deplete the spirits somewhat.
I'm determined this year to go to more art exhibitions, see old friends and enjoy more nature and culture. I really enjoyed the recent Banksy exhibition: it just made me think about life a bit differently and how the keep calm and carry on mentality in Britain is so ingrained.
I feel more calm and experienced now.
I've been through a lot with the bereavements and bring an executor. I feel I have more understanding of the world and have learned a lot about admin, banks and solicitors and estate agents that I never realised I would have to learn.
I have a sort of what now feeling. I am planning my retirement in a few years and just hoping for a bit more freedom in general.

I'm a similar age to you and this has been the worst part for me. Lost my dad, then my mum, then my brother. One per decade since my twenties. I'm quite numb emotionally now.

Can you see GP for blood tests, you could be prescribed HRT.(I never tried it, kept meaning to discuss with GP, but never got round to it) I am a bit older than you, but I feel that this is a very transitional phase of life where I did a lot of reevaluation. I also, like you really felt the passage of time. The fact that it no longer stretches to an endless future and more time is behind you that in front of you. One way I have tried looking at is that there is as much novelty in getting grey hair and wrinkles as there was in starting your periods and starting needing to wear a bra. Not sure 😊 this way of thinking about aging really helps though! I think along with adolescence it is the biggest mental, emotional transition we go through. ( Though adjusting to parenthood if you have kids is another big one) I have Lost a few friends too young, so to use a worn out adage, growing old is better than the alternative. Do you have anything you are really fascinated by? Finding out more about or studying is a great distraction. There is something sad and beautiful watching one generation fading and another generation taking it's place.

No, it's definitely not normal for 50s. I have plenty of energy, go to the gym 4 times a week (doing double classes/swim combo twice a week), plus walk 1.5-2 hours a day, plus work, socialise, take part in hobbies, climbed Snowdon in September, run around with grandchildren etc etc. I don't think I am unusual

Feeling pretty good to be honest - I look after my physical health a lot better than I used to. Admittedly I wouldn't feel nearly so good without HRT and thyroxine! I know I am lucky and I don't take it for granted.

I posted upthread and just wanted to add I am years 3-4 years post meno and NOT on HRT apart from topical vaginal estriol cream. Feel great, no aches / pains or other medication. I pay a lot of attention to my diet and eat lots of veg / beans/ nuts/ seeds/ fruit etc. I take a Vit D3 tablet everyday and recently started a collagen supplement ( for my vanity). I walk at least 30 mins a day and work out with weights at home every other day. I limit alcohol to the weekend and drink no more than 2-3 drinks a day, if that. Not everyone has such an easy menopause ride though and I know that. I did get sweats etc for about 6 months but mainly at night. I think I look after myself better now as health comes into focus more as you age.

I’m 46, life is better and worse than I suppose I expected it to be, I’m much happier than I was when I was younger as have achieved everything I hoped for in terms of career, marriage and children. Although these things all took much longer to come about than had thought they would. Health wise have been fortunate so far, although very nervous of experiencing perimenopause/menopause. Day to day life feels quite relentless at times though between demands of motherhood, particularly with a toddler, office politics and just general loneliness as friends have moved away, family has drifted apart and older members of the family died or are now in poor health.
Financially things are tough as middle income earners with high mortgage costs, maintenance payments for DSC etc mean despite earning more than expected would have we have to watch every penny can can’t do the things with the older children I took for granted years ago when I was comparatively ‘much poorer’. The world feels less safe, relaxed and tolerant and things such as some men’s true attitude to women have become more apparent to me, I genuinely thought most men were generally nice and friendly (not referring to the dating scene just contact with men in general) until I aged and put on weight etc and have found that men now seem to subconsciously treat me like an irrelevance. People are generally less interested and tolerant of you as you become older, you have a wealth of experience but you learn is easier to just keen your mouth shut. Generally though most of the things I worried about when I was younger turned out fine and you learn that nothing good or bad seems to last for long

I didn't expect the menopause to hit so hard either but the lack of sleep and anxiety are horrendous. If you are able to take HRT, and want to, I would recommend it as it does make a huge difference to how you feel.

I don't think I have ever really thought about what my life would be like now at 51. I've been too busy working since i was 18 to really look up and think about it. I echo a lot of what has already been said re perimenopause, it's just awful and feels like a total kick in the teeth. I'm still raising school age children, working full time in a low paid but very responsible job which thankfully I mostly enjoy, but by the end of each day I am utterly knackered. I've never known anything like this exhaustion. I regularly feel resentful towards my husband of 21 years who is, let's say, not a modern man. I am responsible for 95% of household chores/cooking. I used to have the energy to cope with it all but not anymore. He is a total misogynist. I wish he was still the funny, kind person I married. His job has made him hard. I have changed too, I am full of rage, but this gives me the strength to fight back against injustices. I have become so aware of how little time I might have left, but I'm not in a position to drop everything and live my best life. I still have another 16 years until I can claim my pension. Hopefully the mortgage should have been paid off by then, unless my husband manages to mismanage our finances again, but that's another story. I'm not ungrateful because I know things could be so much worse, I'm just tired of the relentless cycle of drudgery. There is very little joy. I'm now waiting for a multitude of responses telling me that it's my fault that my life has turned out like this and my fault if I've allowed my husband to be a dick. Life was never easy for me from the start. Bad parents, abusive ex . To be honest I'm actually proud of myself because my two children are amazing young people. My undivided input has not been wasted on them. I am very grateful for them.

Very much resonate with you regarding the unending cycle of drudgery, I’ve got young and primary aged children. I also had children when was young but then it was a much less isolated experience, e.g we used to go to in laws every Sunday and have a fully cooked roast dinner followed by the children playing with their cousins and all the toys at the grandparents house, we’d spend at least one weekend a month staying with my family with trips out etc, the holidays and other weekends were days spent with friends and their children. Grandparents would often have the children for the day or a weekend or book a holiday for us all. Now we have none of that, I have my friends I see while hubby looks after them for an evening and my kids have their friends they see at school and clubs but no one we spend time with altogether

My DC are 25 and 22. I do t think I could cope with primary aged kids at this stage in life.

Ha, I had my last one at nearly 45, I don’t feel any more tired than when I was 18 and she’s a much worse sleeper 😅 but think having 27 years of parenting experience helps and not having to stress about establishing a career, money and relationships, their development etc (like when first/second time parent) . It’s just having to parent in such isolation which is hard, I really took for granted that we’d always have family and friends around, you don’t expect things to change so quickly. Coping with the primary aged kids is fine but do feel sorry for them that we don’t have the social side of things the older ones had, but they do have a lot of friends at school, beavers etc. I’m loving the grown up kids stage too, although just wish I had more time (and money) to spend with them