MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

[Nic1210]

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

It's totally your choice. If you love it because of what it represents, it's your ring legally, so keep it. If you would rather start afresh with a new ring, give it back.

The important point is that it should be what you want. Not her.

Keep the ring. It was given to you as an act of love by the man you love, and you love it. There is no bad juju attached to it, and she can bitch and whinge all she likes. The ring is a neutral object. Any feelings it holds are projected onto it. Your feelings towards it are only good now, and rightly so - your marriage is strong.

Keep the ring. Explain to her why you're keeping the ring. Then block her and move on.

She is doing this to hurt your husband. Ignore.

The ring has a long and happy association with your marriage, not hers. It was chosen by your father in law. Compartmentalise and move on.

You're being cheap / petty. It holds meaning for her and you should give it back with reasonable grace, if possible.

Well the person who bought her the diamond/ring isn't even her husband anymore, so maybe she should give it back to her ex? Maybe it's hurtful for him as he wants to give it to his new Mrs?!

Just ignore it. He gave it to you and if she wants it back she can offer you a price. If he's NC with her I don't see why you wouldn't also be.

Bad juju , I would give it back happily

Hand it in to a pawn shop. Send her the slip.

I’d give it back. Why would you want this drama in your life and to give her this control? It’s high time your husband bought you a ring!!

The OP states "When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me."

Doesn't sound like it holds meaning for her.

Give it back. He's gone no contact and that ring ties you to her. It's a ring - you can get another.

No. Don't

Yeah I can understand being attached to it now, but your memories if the proposal don't rely on you keeping the ring.

you feel it's cursed, it's a connection to her. Just send the thing back to her.

you don't need proof or acknowledgement in writing or any of that nonsense. It's legally yours so you don't need 'proof' you gave it to her.

sorry little 💍 bye bye ❤️‍🩹

I can't believe how many people want to reward this nasty woman by giving her the ring. I'd throw it off the edge of a cliff before I gave it to her.

This is a good way to look at it too.

Do what YOU want to do.

Personally, I would give it back. Break that connection with her and just leave her to it.

Giving it back calmly will piss her off far more than holding onto it imho.

Sell it and use the money to buy a new one of your own choosing.

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen exactly that...perfect solution (even if it's only worth pennies). Personally I wouldn't want anything associated with anyone as spiteful as your MIL.

Give it back. Make her sign that she’s now got it.

Then go completely no contact. All of you.

She’s trying to hurt you.

It is your ring now.
If you decide to return it and you and hubby choose another, the new ring will have great meaning.

Take a photo of your hand and the old ring; you've had some wonderful years together and it was with you on important days. Take a photo of your daughter and the ring.

I would give it back respectfully. Have it cleaned and checked. In writing, thank MIL for her generosity in giving you the ring. Tell her that you loved it and you will have special memories. Wish her happy days ahead wearing it. Don't make the giving back of the ring another nasty communication. MIL needs no more fuel to fire up at you both about.

Take someone with you to witness that you kindly gave back the ring and the letter of thanks along with a photo of granddaughter wearing ring.

Then dance away.

Honestly, getting rid of it would be just another way to give her power over you. Just ignore her.

Sell it, use the money to buy a new one. Send MIL a picture of your new one, tell her you put the old one back in her house ages ago but can’t remember where

Keep it. It’s your ring now and you love it. She freely gave it to your DH to give to you. She doesn’t get to demand it back.

Go completely no contact with her and enjoy your loving family, your beautiful ring and your peaceful life.

she probably gave it to her son to give to OP because she was happy for both of them and felt in a generous and loving mood.
There are a lot of negative and frankly nasty posters on this thread. I hope this is not an indication of how the greater world around us thinks.

How is it in any way the MiL’s ring? She gave it to her son who gave it to the DIL. It stopped being the MIL’s ring at that point. It don’t even belong to the OP’s DH. It is hers and hers alone to do whatever she wants with.

it wasn’t a loan. There’s no documentation to say it remained the MIL’s property. Are we all obligated to give anything back to our parents that they have given to us should they ask?