MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

[Nic1210]

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

Just give it back. Not worth arguing over.

I agree with @BrendaSmall I often think about Princess Diana’s engagement ring going to Catherine. I wonder if Catherine really wanted it? Then again that ring is worth a fortune. I am a bit superstitious about other people’s jewellery. I wore my late grandmother’s wedding ring for several years after she died.They were some of the most miserable years of my life and I loved late DGM dearly. I eventually stopped wearing the ring and sold it.

Keep it, it's yours. No guilt.

Ignore the witch.

Send it back and tell her you’re getting a better one.

Don't be daft, it's a piece of metal.

End the drama and bad karma - give it back, drive up knock on door hand to her to know it’s done, not gone missing in post or so and so has kept it and just leave- done and dusted - phew
with that amount of bad feeling attached to it I’d rather not wear a ring at all

I would tell her that it was your ring and although its really none of her business, you actually sold it years ago.

Then either keep it or genuinely sell it and give the money to charity or towards a new ring.

Or a 2 word answer of 'piss off'

I'd actually go one step further and literally wrap up everything she'd ever given you and send it all back. That way she's got literally no hold over you at all. And it takes the pettiness to her low level and scrapes the barrel underneath..... (but only if you can be bothered)

I'd message her back and say "sorry, it was a gift so was mine. As hubby has bought me a new one I sold the ring you gave him to give to me! If you want it back you can check with XYZ Jewelers where they have it in the window with a price tag of £ABC."

It's personal preference. I have a small collection of vintage and antique rings, I have no idea about thier emotional history. My jewellery box is probably full of 'bad juju' as another poster puts it, but the more I wear them, the more attached I get to them. Even a new ring will have bad juju depending on how ethical the stones are, blood diamonds for example.

You should give it back. Can’t have it all ways

Having had a lot of experience of people like the MIL, I would be giving back the ring, but not saying a word. I'd get a friend to take it round to her, so she doesn't get to see you or your husband. And be sure said friend get a photo of her receiving it.

It will drive her mental, because she will have nothing. No drama, no story of what a grasping woman you are, no martyrdom of 'she won't even give me the ring back.' Her final hold over you totally gone, and no feeling of a win in any way.

Also, make sure you block her from the iCloud - or set her email to go straight to trash.

Personally, I'd stick it in an envelope & post it through her front door. No note, no messages, nothing. She'll have it back without any of the interaction she's seeking (which will annoy her more than anything else you could actually say), & then I'd go & pick something else.

It was a gift so you can do with it as you like.

Me? I’d sell it and put the money to a ring I liked.

Given your story, I couldn't bear to have the thing in my house, never mind wear it. Give it back and break free.

If you think giving her the ring will remove her from your lives and help your DH heal from the trauma then absolutely give it to her or sell it and tell her you no longer have it. However, you have grown fond of the ring and proud of what it represents. Also, you realise she will probably find some other ways to intrude on your lives. Do whatever will make you happiest.

He’ll would freeze over before I gave her MY ring back. I’d enjoy seeing it on my finger knowing it irked her. Keep it OP, it’s YOUR ring.

A piece of metal with bad juju

It’s yours, tell her to get lost. Or, alternatively you could tell her you’ll sell it to her…

Yep, l’d be posting it back to her via special delivery so there’s proof it’s been returned. And included in the package would be a detailed diagram of what she could do with it !

I would not give her the satisfaction of giving back. In fact, I would write back and say she has no right to ask for it back, and she is not getting it back. But that her asking for your engagement ring back is proof of why your DH was justified in going NC. And that if she contacts you again you will consider it harassment and you will log it with police.

If it is handled properly, it's not satisfaction she'll be getting. If it's handed back like it means nothing, it was nothing more than a tolerated hand-me-down in the first place, and the op and husband are delighted to get the opportunity to do something lovely and special together then any satisfaction she may get from getting the ring back would be cancelled out by the realisation that they never gave a shit about the ring and are out having a lovely time doing something special and meaningful and that she doesn't matter enough to even argue with.

It's her ring. She doesn't want to give it back. She wants to keep it.

It would be hilarious to respond to her and say that you agree, it should absolutely go back to the original owner/purchaser, and therefore you have given it back to your FIL! 😂

Oh that would be hilarious!