MIL wants engagement ring back after husband went no contact

[Nic1210]

My husband decided to go no contact with his Mother around 4 years ago (I have posted previously about this - she is a piece of work).
We have only seen her once since at my Sister In Laws wedding and it was very awkward and brief. It was also the first time she met her Granddaughter and she was looking down at her at any opportunity and made no effort to take accountability for her previous actions.

Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago. My husband wanted to save money for a ring to pirchase but she was insistent that he take a ring. The ring was a made for her as an eternity ring from an Amsterdam diamond bought for her 40th birthday from her ex husband (Hubby's Dad). When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.

This is the second time she has asked for it back, the first time she demanded it back after a row (one-sided), when she called me a bitch and other expletives for leaving the room when she was verbally abusing my husband.
I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over.
AIBU to keep hold of my engagement ring? The ring is legally mine as it is deemed a gift, it is not a family heirloom and I have got more joy from it then she ever did or would do in the future. I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away, myself and husband are happily married with our fabulous daughter, she would have continued to make my husbands life (a potentially our daughters life) miserable if we remained in contact.

Legally you don't have to, but morally i think you should. It was a very personal gift, a family link. But you've chosen to break that link.

Dont deprive yourself of a ring that’s brought you joy. If you can afford to replace it then maybe sell it and put the money in an ISA for your child. Again if you have the finances maybe add a monthly amount to the ISA so that when she’s older the original amount will be a minority.

Edit. Sorry didn’t intend to reply to this post.

Personally I'd but a new ring and put it on the family Whatsapp.
Save it for your daughter.

We had ringgate when my mother died.
My sister took hold of my mothers ring left to my niece. I found out she took my niece to the local jeweller to sell it. Caveat is it must be offered to me at what my father paid as I did their care.
My sister is a jealous, bullying mare

Oh no, I would be heartbroken if I had to give up my engagement ring. You have been married a long time so of course you are attached to a ring you have been wearing all that time, despite it's origins. Presumably you also chose your wedding band to pair with the engagement ring?

Your MIL sounds like a spiteful cow, no wonder you are NC. Keep your ring and don't feel a moment's guilt about it. If it wasn't the ring she would find something else.

Unless you absolutely love it I would give the ring back.
Who wants to be reminded of a total bit*h every day ?
Then there would be no contact.
Block and move on.

Morally, the MIL should stop being so spiteful. It should be the lack of contact with her grandchild that keeps her awake in the small hours, not a ring her ex husband gave her.

It's not a "family ring". It belonged to one person before OP and was given away because it was no longer wanted.
It hasn't been passed down through generations since 1789 or whatever.

OP, I'd keep it and ignore her. If it's not this, it'll be something else. She's just trying to keep a connection going. Give in on this and she'll never stop. Be firm. The answer is no and she is to leave you alone. You owe this woman nothing.

I would give it back. Be the bigger person. And why would you want your MIL’s bad energy hanging round you anyway?

It was a ring her ex husband gave her i don't think it was a "Family ring" that she is attached to.

I like this

Nothing more than sending nasty messages, no threats or anything although they were unpleasant. Harassment is a crime.

Exactly. And you said it was given to your MIL by. her ex-husband, so...it was a gift from a man she is now divorced from? It is a ring that symbolizes someone else's failed marriage, not a cherished 'family ring' at all. Give it back, and good riddance.

Maybe I have not read carefully enough but I had the impression MIL was being a pain rather than actually nasty.

Give it back to DH. He can then do what he wants with it. It's attracting too much drama, I wouldn't want anything to do with it anymore.

Continued contact after being told to stop contact is still harassment. It just need to be intended to cause distress, which it is.

Do you return all gifts to anyone you break up with? No? Of course not. Anyway, MIL gifted the ring to her son, OP’s DH. OP owes MIL nothing.

I wouldn’t have accepted it in the beginning 🤣 no way would I want my MiL’ second hand ring and I get on with her
Give it back and get her off your case!

I wouldn't want it - she is being petty so just give it back and keep the moral high ground. I would worry about the bad karma of having something like that on my hand. I guess you could also sell it if you need the money - I doubt you will be getting any inheritance of financial help from her at any point in the future so perhaps give the money to your DD?

Honestly I'm shocked at the amount of vitriol, having to get even, getting revenge, paying back , name calling and frankly spitefulness on this thread. That from women who may have families of their own. I wonder if they behave like this in their own homes? Do they bring their children up to have to get even with everything that happens to them or are they capable of letting some things go for the greater good?

Sell her ring, choose and buy your own.

Respond with a letter that simply says "lol, no can do, sold it a while back, soz"

But then I can be a bitch.

It’s already bad juju. I can’t think of anything that says forever less than an eternity ring from a divorced couple.

How difficult op !
What's your financial situation like now? Could DH/ you buy another ?

I can't stand my mil and unless any handed over ring was an heirloom i wouldn't want that daily reminder.

It would feel like the ring of mordor searing my finger.

I totally understand your dilenna.

It’s not her ring it’s yours.

ignore her

I would get the ring melted down and re-made into a different style. A new start for you AND you can truthfully say 'that ring doesn't exist anymore.'

I think if anyone was to be thinking about ‘the greater good’ it would be the MIL growing up and not demanding her daughter in law hand over the ring she’s been wearing as an engagement ring which she gifted to her on good faith. The MIL is the problem here. Not this OP.