'"Out of the blue, we woke up yesterday morning to a letter sent via iCloud at midnight the previous night, a badly typed out message explaining she respects our decision but it is hurtful for me to wear the engagement ring she freely gave to my husband when he made the decision to propose nine years ago."
Badly typed out, sent at midnight - sounds to me like a variation of drunk-tweeting. Step away from the keyboard Mabel, and sober up!
But really, think about that. That's her life. Her empty, petty, spiteful, little life - trying to hurt the people who see her for what she is. I'd take comfort from that.
Taking these together:
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"At the time [of her giving the ring to your husband] there was a lot of manipulation going on. At the time he hoped that she was being a kind parent. Maybe she was trying to be. But her spiteful side always comes through in the end."
- "When she gave it to my husband she said she no longer wanted it and was happy for my Husband to give to me.
- "I honestly think she anticipated us to break up when she gave it away"
- '"I do feel that she would have an issue with her son regardless of how he lived his life or who he was in a relationship with."
I think she gave the ring in anticipation of using it against the son she abused and was cruel to (I have read your other thread). The ring is merely a tool for her, not a piece of jewellery (like a normal person would see it). She possibly hoped that your husband would reassure you that 'of course his mother wants you to have it she said she didn't want it any more' - perhaps hoping that you'd see being offered her cast-offs as a bit of an insult (hence her anticipating you would break up). And indeed, you
"have always had mixed feelings about the ring. And I remember when my husband gave it to me, I knew even back then it would cause drama." Well you were right, but the tool didn't work then; her son got away. So now, thwarted and probably drunk, she's trying again with the same tool.
And then there's these:
- "If the ring is back with her, there would be some other issue she would come up with. Hence why we ignore her when there is a rare piece correspondence."
- "I feel this is last thing my MIL believes she has control over."
- "I'd imagine she'd sell it or just toss it in with her materialistic ring collection she has got going on."
Just because she believes she can control you/DH via the tool of the ring doesn't mean she can. She doesn't really want the ring, she wants to stir trouble. Giving her your ring would essentially be pointless.
- "I have become attached to it over the years and see it now as my ring. But completely agree with what everyone is saying here, it would be liberating to choose out own ring."
- " I have got more joy from it then she ever did "
I would consider only myself here - do I want to keep the ring? There's no question that it is yours. Has she tainted it, or has my joy from it removed the taint? What does the ring represent to me? Her, or the strength of our marriage? Your choice, not her control. Maybe 'liberating' outweighs 'joy' - your choice. Yours.
Of course, as has been suggested by others here, 'liberating' doesn't necessarily mean giving it to her. I could easily put on a straight face and tell her that if gifts should go back to the gifter then I considered it only appropriate to return it to DH's dad and she can take up the matter with him. Or, I would continue to ignore her and find joy in my ring.