To think most people would judge keeping this money

[JustAnotherWhinger]

Legally this person is perfectly entitled to keep the money. That’s not the debate. The debate is they are very offended that a few people (several of their family and some friends) have judged them for doing so as morally is very off.

A joint account was set up with a large amount of money (over 25k) between a person who was dying and their cousin. The reason for this was because their cousin had agreed to be guardian for their 3yo child. It was to ensure there was plenty of money about until things like pensions, insurances and probate were all sorted and in place.

However, after 8 weeks living with the Mum and DC the cousin realised they were not cut out to look after a 3yo.

The 3yo is now settled with their mum’s cousin from the other side of the family (in the interest of honesty - that cousin is me). They have contact with the original person one day a month. They are settled here and everything is all settled legally.

When our cousin died a very short time after (literally a few weeks) the joint account transferred solely to her cousin. That’s the legal position and legally it’s their money. However, a couple of their relatives (I don’t even really know them well) are now kicking up a stink about the fact they’ve still got the money and haven’t given it to us to care for the DC or put the money into an account in the DC’s name.

I was asked my opinion and said imo most people would judge that the money was for looking after the child so shouldn’t be kept by the original planned carer.

I’m not over fussed as we don’t need the money and the DC was well set up by their Mummy.
However, I do think it’s poor character to have kept it.

and for clarity - they are not over short of money. They didn’t give up or change their job in the plans to care for the DC (childcare was booked). There’s been no financial disadvantage to them.

Ask for the money. Be explicit. Sooner rather than later. It doesn’t matter if you don’t currently need it or not.

Morally, the other cousin should hand the money over. Disgusting if they are intent on keeping the money, I would be furious if they were my cousin, morally bankrupt.
Glad you've offered home to the child, I wish your family health and happiness

It’s disgusting that she kept the money. I would be reaching out to her and asking her to transfer it into the child’s savings account. That’s her child’s money.

All those people are convinced that the child of a deceased parent, has no claim to the money of the estate? I know joint accounts change name automatically, but this is admin of the account itself from the bank and has nothing to do with who legally owns the money in that account, and is separate to the estate that the money will still be connected to. Something is very off here. But it's the internet, who knows the truth. The actual basis they could keep the money would be very simple really, and you should be able to clear it up effectively with a sentence or two easily.

This is one of the most awful things I’ve seen on Mumsnet - keeping money meant for a bereaved child’s future - just terrible. I’d ask for the money back and if it’s been spent then I would ask for it to be repaid in instalments giving details of a bank account in the child’s name where it is to be paid. I understand fully the not cutting contact immediately but as the child settles in your care I would gradually reduce contact. I find it hard to believe that a person trusted by the deceased could sink so low.

This person is an absolute disgrace and I wonder how anyone can act like this. I'm in a similar ish situation where my child was left a pension from a family member and my child's own grandmother claimed it for herself (she was the executor of the will and inherited the person's house). Rank of you ask me.

Yes the poor child has lost their mum and now the money to help take care of them has in a sense been stolen from them. How heartless.

They are a complete and utter arsehole of the highest order.
They should have put the money either into trust for the child in question or given it to the new primary carer (i.e you) to allocate to the cholds needs according

They are all sure that the child has no claim over the 25k in the joint account.

Ive explained several times now that it’s been checked and double checked by multiple people (the wider estate was very large and involved several trusts so many things have been checked and double checked) who’ve been involved.

I'd ask for the money, once, clearly, and in writing.. Not because I would expect to get it but because the story I'd want to tell the child when they grow up would need to involve me having asked for it so they understood I'd done my best for them. Other people might have asked but in 15 years time, OP will be the person they trust most, not other relatives. So I'd want to be able to assure the child I had asked myself..
I'm assuming it will come out to rhe child at some point, although I might be wrong.

@JustAnotherWhinger I think as you have responsibility for the child and their affairs, your moral duty is to ask, in writing, for that money.

Obviously there is no legal obligation for the cousin to return it, but it means down the line you have a clear paper trail that you did what you reasonably could to adhere to the childs Mums wishes, and do your best for the child.

Can you ask someone related to that person to email the joint account holder and put you in cc? In doing that you are making this person aware that both parties are fully aware of how unfair this is and she needs to return the funds? I think that this may be the only approach that will work; you contacting her by yourself would be too easy for her to ignore. If her side of the family get involved and direct communicate to her then you have a chance that she will do the right thing.

So is this cousin-with-the-£25k also a trustee of the trust funds - I presume that was put in place when the trusts were set up for the child? Otherwise how would they have worked day-to-day?)

I think that’s a bigger issue now tbh. (Obviously everyone’s in agreement over the £25k.)

Agree with this.

Shit, who steals from an orphaned 3 year old? That is beyond disgusting, no wonder her family are angry with her.
There is obviously something really wrong with her.

It’s clear in your messages don’t worry.
I’m no lawyer but do feel as you have now 7 children in a difficult situation, so need to take care of your emotional wellbeing to be able to take care of them, and it has been 9 months - so it’s just really unfortunate but also unlikely that you’ll get the money - and legals said no options, and finally you don’t need the money, which is great and a credit to the mum : it just is difficult to encourage you to fight it when you’d realistically get nowhere and just exhaust yourself in the process, and spend on legal fees also.
Best wishes to your family

Edited as I read too quickly and misunderstood.

Good question.

No one should have to ask for the money to be returned, because it should have been transferred as soon as it was decided the child was living with you. Utterly despicable. I hope this person sees sense and does the right thing.

That’s all in hand and either sorted or in the process or being sorted.

The only thing not set up with good safeguards was the joint account so everything else is either already fine or will be.

in this case its clear its for the care of the little one, @JustAnotherWhinger all the best op

What this cousin has done is deeply unethical, immoral and just plain wrong.

I think I'd try to ask this individual to justify their keeping it, then ask for it back. Once. It's very unlikely you'll get it as I'm sure you know.

Then throw it up to the Fates to deal with. This person will get their just desserts in one way or another.

I just want to say you sound like such a blessing for the child and for their Mum. Honestly. I’m sorry you doubted yourself. You are right about the problem cousin and I really wish you all the best for being such a
genuinely kind person.

One of the morally worst things I've ever heard.
Well done for stepping up and taking care of this child. I hope the relative does the right thing.

Like PP, I think this might be the worst thing I've read on here. I just don't know how someone can go from offering to care for the little one, for life, to backing out, to keeping the money intended to support the upbringing of this child.

Is there a controlling partner in the picture who might be having an influence? Or is the cousin single and this is all on them?

I just don't understand how someone could think this is ok, it's their money now. The first thing I would be doing in their shoes is asking how to transfer it to you or putting it in savings for the child.

I would 100% calmly ask for the money and make it clear the intention is to put it away in savings for the child. If they refuse, I'd be telling anyone and everyone. She needs to be a social pariah.

I definitely think you should ask for it. It's clear that the mother intended it to be for the welfare of the child and as you're now their guardian it's surely your job to protect yourself the child's interests? I'd be putting it in an account for them if I didn't need it to look after the child day to day.