Boyfriend caught sexting

[Vixrest]

The Title says it all really.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 10 years now. I’m 29. Very much in love, living together and have lots of projects for the future.

I recently discovered he has been in contact with a woman for the past 10 years. They exchange messages regularly (every 2 weeks or so) and they are close. They met on social media and it was sexual from the start. They never met each other because she was living far from him and still is. It escalated with nudes and sexual conversations, being very intense. When we met, they stopped this for a while and recently (3 years ago) they started again with actual sessions where it got intense and she would send him videos. He would send her pictures of himself too but not nudes. They also talked about their private lives, about us.

he is saying this had no meaning and he will stop immediately. That it was just an ego stroke and a fantasy. He liked the attention and it was distracting him when we went through a rough patch in our relationship.

im genuinely devastated and don’t know if i can forgive him? I believe him that he never met her and that it was just a game between them, but the messages I saw disturb me. The sex talk was really intense and they seemed so into it, and he was very much asking her for more and more like he couldn’t get enough etc.

our relationship is dead isn’t it

There are no excuses for his behaviour, including whether you had a fight or not.

Those of us a little older would say don’t get tied down with this man, meaning kids/house. Men do not change. They just get better at hiding their actions.

You deserve so much more.

Why on earth WOULD you forgive him? It’s a 10 virtual relationship that involved wanking to another woman’s photographs.

Dont let him gaslight you by making out it was when you were going through a rough patch. Dont you dare accept that. I know it might lessen the sting of the betrayal to believe it was only when you were in conflict but it doesnt excuse a thing, and is also a lie. Dont believe it.

You are worth so much more. If you give this loser a chance, you are letting him know how little respect you have for yourself.

You will hurt for ages, but he did this not you. One day you will find an honest person and be glad you kicked him to the curb. Do it yesterday.

You know the answer to this.....get out of this relationship

Dump him immediately. Forgiving him (even if thats possible) wont eradicate this from your mind. Every time hes on a night out you will wonder. Everytime he leaves the room and takes his phone with him you will think hes messaging her.
He doesnt love you, if he did he wouldnt need attention from another girl. He wouldn't betray you.
Im just sorry he wasted the entirety of your 20's.

Tip of the iceberg I'm afraid. He will look for the validation elsewhere if he doesn't get it from this woman. Sorry

I found out the hard way it wasn’t just that one. Men, women, downloaded porn, stuff he made sure I never saw.

Excuses at the ready. ‘It was when things were tough, only when I was stressed.’
So I wouldn’t believe for one second it’s just her. And the exes. Because then it will be ‘and the girl he met at work’ and ‘the bloke he met…’
Unless you’re also into this type of thing and open relationships, it’s time to move on and protect yourself from more pain.

If you stay then you will waste your best years and finding someone who truly cherishes and respects you. This race is run - let him go.

How he feels about it is a bit irrelevant. It is a total turn off. Are you ever going to want to have sex with him again after seeing this side of him?

Oh honey he’s telling the truth. They mean nothing to him. What else means nothing is his love for you.

I’ve been married for 33 years. My DH worships me. He does not look at other women in that way. Oh sure if some massive boobs walk by he will notice them and then sort of get annoyed with himself for even noticing.
he watches videos of me and us. I know because my 19 year old dd walked in on him in his home office doing so 🤣🤣🤣

he is not ready for a relationship. He doesn’t know what it means to be properly devoted.

By forgiving, you're giving him permission to do it again, either with her or someone else.

If you're not enough for him after all this time, you never will be.

He's telling you what you want to hear OP. What happens when you next have your downs, like any relationship?

I bet their messaging was also at time when things were great between the two of you.

He's a sorry excuse of a man, and as much as it hurts to find out he's not who you thought he was, it's best to walk away with your head held high.

Grieve the relationship and what could have been. Cry, scream then pick yourself up and know that you deserve better.

Jesus Christ, get rid of this fucking man immediately! Delete any images of you that he has as no doubt he will hold onto them for fodder. Ick ick ick.

There is a man out there that will cherish, respect and love you as you deserve. Give yourself time to heal from this awful man and then go and find the good guy.

This is a horrible shock and I feel for you including your shock and confusion - but it's unambiguously a huge betrayal, and not the sort of thing someone stops doing once they've got away with it so long. I mean it's not just sexting,it's a parallel relationship. Leave him, minimise future discussion that isn't about practicalities, have some therapy if you can, and let him live with and deal with his own destructive addiction. He was never who he let you think he was, it's not your fault, and there are many men in the world who wouldn't dream of treating someone they supposedly loved in this way.

You would never trust him again .. him thinking of her while he was with you.. you deserve someone who is all for you.Leave him behind he won't stop this behaviour.. Think of you and your self respect walk away ❤️

Good lord, he really is low scum.
Try and get those nudes and get the hell away from him.

Feck. This is so bad. Sorry OP. Might be time to move on.

I don’t believe there’s this big emotional connection there , he’s never even met her , it’s all on line , all fake .
All sexual, kinda like porn , only he has a name to put on her face .
I just think what if he went out somewhere some night & met someone in real life that he fancied ?
You can’t trust him OP

I bet he’d see it differently if the op were wildly sexting someone with videos and requests every time the bf left the house.
dump and run op.

So, he’s made choices after choices after choices. He’s chosen to keep secrets from you and gone to great lengths to ensure you don’t find out. I’ve no doubt to him it meant nothing, just a sexual itch she scratched.
However, the fact that he kept it from you shows he knows it was wrong, that it would hurt both you and your relationship. And yet this affair still continued…
He put his own need for attention, his ego to be stroked and distracting himself through a rough patch (rather than focus on repairing your relationship).
Ask yourself what these things tell you about the man, the person?
You likely already know the answer. A self centred, selfish, juvenile and deceptive person who puts themself front and central in a relationship.
Believe me, I’m so very sorry you’ve wasted your time on him x

He's a cheat. Let him get away with it and he'll do it again. Quit him.

He us a sleazy creep. Before you tell him to go. Seek revenge and completely destroy his mobile phone. Let him think he has lost it

Good luck in your future life.
🍀👍🤞

10 years and not meet. Yes op run from this guy. You deserve better. He living in a fantasy world with someone he never meet

This!
He won’t change and will get worse too.
You’re young you will find someone who deserves you - this guy isn’t the one.
He’ll make you miserable your whole life.

You’ve been together ten years and he’s been sexting someone else for ten years?! Get him out on his ear TONIGHT. Unforgivable.

@Missj25 I agree. But at some point he must have felt something for her. otherwise they wouldn’t have continued for years on years.