Why does no one talk about the more extreme traits of ADHD?

[Cantfinishanything]

My credit score is in hell. Multiple CCJs due to just forgetting parking tickets or not being able to cope.
Obese.
Problems with addiction and overspending.
Fixations I can’t move on from. Even though I know it’s boring to those around me.
Cant discipline my children as I can’t stick to rules even ones I’ve set myself.
In trouble at work due to not being able to do the parts of the job I find boring.
Constant interrupting even though I know I do it and I try really hard not to.
Lateness, being eternally bloody late even with waking up at 5 and feeling ready to go about an hour before I need to. Yes I know it’s rude.
Terrible at relationships as everything feels like it’s controlling and claustrophobic.
Poor physical health, cant stick to things even taking vitamins or exercise classes.
I spend so long just hating and feeling frustrated at myself.
Yet everyone thinks they have ADHD these days so why do I find it so hard to talk to people about these things? How can we have the same condition and yet you have a mortgage, successful marriage, beautiful well behaved children, stick to a routine, go to the gym and run marathons?

Completely agree. Life is too complicated. I can't walk into a a bank this year to renegotiate savings. We have to make a telephone appointment and both be present hovering over the call 🙈

An app to check meter reading. A form to contact the GP.

Face to face is much missed I suspect.

My insurance policies are in an email somewhere.

Meds. Adhd meds. Finding the right one and the right dose.

Literally life changing.

The longest I managed to keep a job is a whooping 8 months and I did it because I was obsessed with the gym too. I literally went to the gym before and after work, but obviously it was not sustainable for longer periods of time.

Fine, you're not disabled. That doesn't mean other people don't find it disabling. Don't undermine other people's struggles by telling them they're not disabled. It is paralysing having it, and having lived with it for years, no coping techniques have worked long term for me.

I'm glad your medication is working for you, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone.

Whether you choose to call yourself disabled or not is not the point.

It is a disability.

The same way my friend with no legs doesn't like being called disabled, however the absence of her legs is a disability.

ADHD is absolutely paralysing and I am 30 year olds and still didn't find a coping technique that works consistently, and I have tried all of them.

I am getting so much relief from this thread, because I no idea the heel picking thing was even related to ADHD. I thought it was just another antisocial habit. I literally peel off bits of the skin. I also chronically bite my nails. I am fascinated by women who manage to go through RL life with long nails!

Does anybody find maintaining friendships hard?

I'm shit. Yet I really love them. But I find it tough to return DMs and call.

Then I get into this terrible horrible cycle where I haven't called, then I feel guilty that I haven't called or messaged, then the paralysis of the thought of their disappointment that I didn't call or return their messages, means I procrastinate more, until weeks even months have passed, in some cases...years. I have lost contact with a few really wonderful people this way. One had just become a new mum and was needing friends. I feel absolutely shit till this day about letting her down, yet I think about all these people I'm been absent from all the time.

I only have two friends who have persevered and I suspect one of them also has ADHD. We will meet up or phone each other after months not speaking and it's like it was yesterday. Conversely we have odd moments when we chat for several days in a row. The other one has a lot of children, so she doesn't mind if she doesn't hear from me for months even. Again we just talk like it was yesterday.

Yet strangely I am great with acquaintances. Making friends is easy. But I cannot keep them.

I will say, some ADHD people seem to benefit from not having to organise themselves to go to physical premises during opening hours. The older female relative I mentioned upthread used to spend all day not going to the bank to deposit cheques in the 90s, and would then turn up as it closed. She looked after me a lot so I remember a few instances of us getting there and the door had just shut.

Agreed.

I’m better than I was because I’m medicated, but if it was as easy as “have a routine” then pretty much no-one would ever not!

Hi OP, sorry things are tough.

I use Dubbii which is an app for ND people. They have online sessions where you body double with a host who encourages everyone (gently) to get shit done. It’s honestly so supportive and nice environment. It also weirdly works! I don’t know how!

It’s only a few quid a month and I’d really encourage you to give it a go.

It’s up to you whether you want to identify as disabled or not but I replied to you saying ‘it’s not a disability’ when legally, it is and that is a good thing. I’m just stating a fact. Sorry you don’t like it.

Just a note! SNRIs work better for those with ADHD than SSRIs! I've tried every SSRI alongside my elvanse but an SNRI worked!

I was reading that whilst nodding along! Never felt like I fitted in society "right". I wonder how everyone does it! From time keeping to holding down relationships. The world doesn't seem very catered for NDs. Ironically people probably think I don't care when actually I beat myself up about it all the time.
(Also you just reminded me of my parking fines which I keep forgetting about)!

I forget people when I can't see them. Including friends and family.

Poor object permanence is a ND thing apparently, and it extends to people as well as objects.

I am very fortunate that I have really understanding friends but it certainly took a long time to find my tribe.

Also a lot of diagnoses. ADHD, ASD, Dyspraxia, Hypermobility, CFS. I have found that the people who want to remain friends with me have all taken it upon themselves to really understand my disabilities and they appreciate what I do bring to the table rather than what is missing.

I also bite my nails, pick spots, pull hair out of my head, pick the skin on my feet until I can't walk and/or hobble until I can't feel the pain anymore. It really disabled me when doing some long retail shifts.

I have tried so often to wear fake nails but they feel so alien, the picking starts immediately and they're off within a day.

It's taken me 3 years to grow out the bald patches of my hair on my head, but I have redirected to hair on other parts of my body.

I often feel like I'm the only person going through this but I know I'm not, rationally. A lot of people just say well have you tried not doing that, and it's just so difficult to explain the lengths at which I've gone to in order to not do the things I do.

But you have to be sufficiently together in the first place to navigate the GP form, convince them to assess you etc etc. Especially given the system generally seems not keen. I'd just give up normally but this thread may convince me to see it through. But there are people who find it even harder than me - how can they get to the point of organising the doctor consultation in the first place?

Mmmmmyeah but you have kids, a car and a driving license right?

There are literally lots of people on this thread saying they can't drive because of ADHD.

@Cantfinishanything try Access to Work they provide grants and support whether you’re in work or looking for work. I’ve applied for a grant to be able to have an ADHD coach https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

Tell me you jace zero idea about ADHD without telling me you have zero idea about adhd. Everyone is different - if me and my DH divorced my son would have to live with him because I’m not sure I’m consistently together enough. But driving creates a hyperfocus environment for me. I’m an incredibly safe driver - never had a point on my license, I’m able to assimilate lots of info about others actions. My only accidents are people driving into the back of me. I can’t drive for long periods as it’s exhausting though. Other people on here say they can’t drive because of ADHD.

So many passwords too, everything has to have a password.

Some things about modern life are easier though - working from home has been life changing for me. I'm very scared of that being taken away again.

Because I'm autistic parenting became my special interest, so I was very very into bringing my kids up properly. Hopefully I've done a good job, as they've all made it to adulthood. Obviously i wasn't perfect - I had to ask school and clubs for multiple copies of letters because I'd lose them, I'd take them to school on inset days, forget dress up days, forget they had after school club and go at normal pick up time.

Driving wise, it took me 5 goes to pass my test, but also due to my autism I like driving it's just a lot of rules to obey. Easy! I can do that. I can't do long drives though as the concentration it takes exhausts me - I literally have to spend the next day sleeping it off. So I avoid that if I can.

Following as I’m in the same boat. Will comment properly later.

I've not managed to pass my driving test. I took it 4 times. I think my main issue is emotional dysregulation - I would find myself so stressed on the test that I'd get tunnel vision and not be able to see properly, which obviously doesn't especially help you drive! Where I live, the driving instructor often comes on the drive for the test, and he was baffled as to how I could drive perfectly fine in lessons with him, and then as soon as the examiner sat in the car with me I'd be an utter mess and drive completely differently. It was also like all the knowledge would just leave my head and I'd forget everything I was supposed to do.

I will try again one day, now I'm on medication my emotions are a lot more stable so hopefully I won't go into that utter panic state, but it's now been so long I have to redo a lot of the theoretical stuff which is a pain. I also suspect that my instructor wasn't actually very good so I will seek out a better one next time. His philosophy of teaching seemed to be to just let me drive until I made a mistake and then he'd point it out, and I don't do very well with that kind of learning. I do much better learning the theory first and then practising it to cement it as a concept.

he was baffled as to how I could drive perfectly fine in lessons with him, and then as soon as the examiner sat in the car with me I'd be an utter mess and drive completely differently. It was also like all the knowledge would just leave my head and I'd forget everything I was supposed to do.

DH has that effect on my driving. I shudder at the words "Why don't I come along and we can share the driving?"

No thanks. Drive, or stay home.

I took my test 5 times, and failed it during one time as I had forgotten the photo part of my licence (which was a really silly error, and made me feel even more disappointed when the Travis' song "Why does it always rain on me" was playing at the test centre on the radio!😂)

I think my test failures were just a result of being stressed, and then impacting on my driving abilities which increased my anxiety even more, in a vicious circle.

I persevered and passed eventually, much to the relief of my poor old driving instructor who gave me a huge hug (probably of relief of getting of his longest standing pupil lol !😂)

He had said at one point that I wasn't a "natural driver" which made me even more determined to pass and prove him wrong!