To tell my manager I won’t share a room with colleague again?

[Worktripissue]

Some background here - my role requires regular travel around the UK as the company has various sites. For about 3 nights each month I stay away in a specific location; up until 2024 I always had my own room, a change was then made for financial reasons that I’d need to share with the colleague travelling with me who does the same role.

No issues at all, we got along and she was respectful and we’ve remained friends post her leaving the company recently.

I travelled with her replacement last week, and we shared a room as per process.

Firstly, she jokingly (I thought) said before we left that she is a snorer. She’s not wrong, even with ear plugs I was struggling to get an uninterrupted nights sleep. By her own admission she is a larger lady and she says even her own husband gets on at her. She honestly snored like a man.

Next issue - we have a £30 per night meal allowance. On one of the nights, I visited my cousin who lives in the area and she cooked for me, so I had no reason to use my allowance.

My colleague asked me if she could use it when I got back to the room (about 9pm at this point). Now she’d already had dinner and the restaurant was closed. She said she only wanted it for a soft drink so I said no problem. She then came back up to the room and said they were still doing room service. 20 minutes later the door goes and hot food arrives which she proceeds to eat on her bed, and the smell lingered all night.

A couple of other minor annoyances in terms of time spent in the bathroom and loud phone calls with her husband which she could have taken outside the room/in reception.

She is polite in general, but that was our first trip and I don’t think I could handle monthly stays with her.

AIBU to tell my manager I won’t share with her again?

I lost five stone and stopped snoring

I’ve been away with work and shared many hotel rooms with a same sex colleague…

Yanbu.

I know I snore and I wouldn't dream of sharing a hotel room with anyone other than DH who is used to it. It would be horrendously selfish. Quite simply you are entitled to sufficient self-respect that you can and must insist this never happens again.

Dear Manager/HR

I am writing to tell you that I will not be sharing a hotel room with (colleague name) again. It is deeply inappropriate that company policy has put me in this awkward position because telling you why would require me to tell you personal information about (colleague) that it is private to her and so it's not appropriate for me to give further details. I am not complaining about her and none of this affects either of our capacity to do our jobs to an excellent standard which we will both continue to do. However in future all accommodation must be arranged with separate rooms.

Yours sincerely

I worked for a charity and I did snore badly and ws made to share a room always. I was really embarrassed about it becasue there wasnt a lot I could do and I knew it kept others awake. I was so embarrassed. I see now it was wrong for us to always be made to share a room.

I remember one time someone saying they wouldnt share and me thinking they were being a real diva! I was seriously wrong and now thought how little I respected myself.

I wouldn't name the colleague or give the reason as any one particular person. To just say that you don't want to share or don't think it's appropriate should be enough.

That's true actually yes.

More like @Fishrepeating's post of 20:58 - depersonalise it.

How about

Dear Manager/HR

I am writing to tell you that I will not be sharing a hotel room with any colleague again when travelling for work. Although I have occasionally been able to in the past I have come to realise that this policy is a deeply inappropriate invasion of privacy which puts colleagues into awkward situations of knowing/having to reveal private information that should not be open knowledge between colleagues. All of us are entitled to privacy and self-respect and this should not be sacrificed for saving the company the cost of a hotel room.

Unless you work for the same company, that’s irrelevant here. They were questioning the policy within OP’s company to check that ware wasn’t any discrimination going on (I recall a post a while pack where the poster was saying she and the only other woman in the business were expected to share, but all the men got their own single rooms, so it does happen).

The OP has already answered to confirm the men do share unless very senior.

I would refuse to share with her.

Do not under any circumstances state to your employer that your colleague is responsible for snoring. You will lose all credibility. my dd with a bmi of 17 snores. It has nothing to do with her weight. So not talk about weight or you will come out sounding like a bigot.

asking you to share a room is inappropriate. It has always been inappropriate. That you and one colleague managed to get along was a fluke. Your new colleague is not obliged to bend to your preferences. She deserves to relax in her hotel room just as much as you. You both should have your own space.

I would just tell your work that you are no longer happy to share with any colleague. It was never appropriate to start with.

I think I would say, I was willing to share for a short period of time, but have come to realise that this is not an appropriate policy and so will not be travelling in future if expected to share.

There’s some good advice on this thread. I feel the OP was initially viewing her colleague as being the unreasonable one.

I hope this has reframed it as it being her employer who has disrespected them. It’s quite a demeaning position to be put in. What if a hotel ran out of twin beds? What if your counterpart was the opposite sex? Where would the line be drawn if it hasnt been drawn at the obvious privacy-respecting boundary of separate rooms for each employee?

Do you mean it's illegal to share a hotel room with a colleague or for work to basically imply it's share or leave?

I am assuming the latter!

I refused a job that included travel as they wouldn't guarantee I'd have a private room. They put colleagues in shared rooms who didn't even know each other to save money - nope, nope, nope.

I have had to share when I was younger for a previous employer. I would never agree to it now as think if they can't afford to accommodate you properly, they then shouldn't be expecting you to travel.

At least they told you at interview so you could refuse. I wonder how long it took until they got someone to accept those terms?

Is it particular industries that this happens? I maybe understand it a bit more if it is in not-for-profit/charity sector.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. This isn't a fun girl's outing. This is a work trip. And if you can't get a good night's sleep and are bothered by the behaviors of your "roommate", that's going to interrupt your workflow.

It was absolutely unprofessional of her to ask for your meal allowance and even more unprofessional of her to eat in the room and not just use it for a soft drink.
She lied to you.
Does corporate allow you to give your dinner allowance does somebody else? Will you get in trouble for this?

Meanwhile talk to your coworker. Tell her you were uncomfortable with letting her buy a soda, and she took advantage of you and lied to you.
It kind of sounds like she doesn't have much self reflection or awareness of her own behavior.
Tell her that the snoring affected your work, the entire situation didnt work for you.
See if she's open to changing or adjusting her behaviors accordingly. If not, tell her youre going to approach hr and
ask for different accomodations because this rooming situation didn't work for you.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with approaching her either.
Meamwhile do a little research on cheaper hotels or airbnbs or things that would save them money but would allow you to have your own accommodations.

I just wouldn’t go if I had to share. The only person I share a room with is DH.

Oh no. I couldn’t do it

YANBU

There’s no fucking way I’d share a room. Tight fuckers. Their financial situation is not your problem.

But, it could be a 'reason' why not wanting to share in future as it wouldn't have come up if they were in separate rooms and can say that there was pressure to agree since they were in the room and you had to sleep in there and didn't want to cause a rift/awkward situation and that if you'd had your own room you would have been able to walk away and leave it. Instead you had difficulty to be assertive under the circumstances and it made you realise that these sort of arrangements are just not professional and you don't want to be in similar situations again.

No way would I share ever. They want you to travel? You should get a room. You're a grown up.

No way would I share with anyone friend or not. I am a terrible snorer too, my mum took me the dr over it when I was a baby. Large or not it doesn’t change anything in my case and I dont think its fair to shame this lady over it.

No way would I share with anyone even if they were as wonderful as your first colleague. If my work want me to stay away then they will have to pay for me to have my own room or I’m not going.

YANBU obviously.

The only person I ever share a room with is DP, and I would refuse to do so with a colleague under any circumstances.