To think than more men should have vasectomies?

[BestBefore2000]

If they are definitely done with their family.
Why should it be on their partners/wives to have to keep on with hormonal contraceptives until 55?
But instead so many women just do this, having that responsibility on their shoulders for years, and increasing risks such as cancers and MH effects.
Stuff that!!

DH or his friends aren't regretful of it.
Our sex life has increased considerably and friends say the same. For me I think it wholly takes the back of the mind risk away so it becomes care free. No more tracking/checking or what if something failed risk.

A minority of our friends have DHs with similar opinions to your husbands. My DH laughed when one of them suggested it changed his manhood and simply replied with its key hole surgery they don't lop your balls off!

That's what my DH did. Arranged it a few weeks after DD2 was born. The day she was born he said with awe 'what you have gone through for our family!' I am pleased he got on with calmly sorting it out. While it is a man's choice, I do think that men who get vasectomies are thinking beyond themselves and taking their female partners into account.

This is interesting as loads of the men in our family and our friendship circle have had vasectomies. DH had his when he was 40 and had to travel an hour and a half away and out of the county as the waiting list locally is so long. Most of my friend's husbands have had the snip too...... they're also really involved, equal parents and partners too so I do wonder if that's a correlation as a PP said.

I'd hate my DH to have a vasectomy...I am perfectly fine and happy with my contraception...not all women struggle with it.

Nrtft but my dh refused flat out to have a vasectomy and after having dd2 I was back on the pill. But because of my age (late 30s) and being overweight, I was more at risk of DVT. So they kept pushing for me to use alternative contraception. Despite having had both dds via C-section, I was refused a tubal ligation at the same time as was told it would be less effective that way.

Eventually, after missing pills and having to take the MAP due to antibiotics interference, they agreed and I had my tubes clipped aged 39.

I have been in pain on and off ever since! (I am now 50 years old.) Also, one of the bloody clips migrated a few years later, so I've not even been protected against an unwanted pregnancy.

We just don't have sex anymore! I would never recommend this to any woman and have told my girls to not have it done.

DD's DH was refused one at his NHS trust as he was "too young and hadn't had any children yet"...he's 33 and neither he nor DD want children ever which was the whole point of him having the snip. He had to go private in the end.

But it is more invasive!

I didn't struggle on it for 20 years and then something just changed over night and my body was like "nope, don't like this". I honestly didn't actually want to come off it, I found it great. Until it wasn't.

Because the consequences of failed contraception are WAY more life changing for women?

After my second pregnancy resulted in a bonus baby and we therefore ended up with 3 instead of the 2 we had planned, we both agreed that we didn’t want a #4 - without discussing the finer details.

Next thing I knew he came home wearing tight swimming trunks. When I asked why he casually told me he’d just had the snip. I will be forever grateful for making this ‘sacrifice’!

I absolutely agree with you. I had one when my (then) partner and I agreed we didn't want more kids.
It's a wee bit of discomfort, but then sex without the worry of unwanted pregnancy. And guess what guys? It doesn't make you less of a man, and doesn't affect your libido - it simply means you're firing blanks.

I haven’t had a vasectomy and wouldn’t have one after my best friend had some mental health struggles after having it.

DW came of the pill 16yrs ago to start our family and she never went back on them as we both agreed that she was better off them for various reasons. We’ve used condoms ever since. Absolutely no problem at all and yes I buy them and make sure we have them on holidays and trips.

Think some of that’s what decent men do on here is a bit wild to be fair.

My dh recently had it done having been on the list for about 2 years. Most of his friends have told him he's mad to get it done and would definitely not consider it themselves. I think this is due to fear more than anything. It's a very selfish attitude imo. Labour is far riskier than a simple 15 minute procedure. Women put their bodies on the line for every pregnancy, birth and post partum period they go through. Not to mention the years we spend on the pill etc. It's about time more men stepped up to show their gratitude and share the responsibility of contraception.

If a man doesn't want any (more) children, a vasectomy is definitely the responsible choice. Far too many men take it for granted that women will take responsibility for contraception. It makes sense that we do, since we go through pregnancy, but it does of course affect the man if she does get pregnant (planned or not) and as it's her body, he shouldn't have any say as to what she decides to do at that point - so the only thing he can control is whether he has the snip or uses a condom. His body, his choice, of course - but sadly there seem to be a lot of men who want to have their cake and eat it ie have sex without a condom, without becoming responsible for a baby 9 months later.

DH and I have two children, we're in our early 40s, he definitely doesn't want any more children (and neither do I). Sadly he refuses to consider a vasectomy because he's worried about the side effects, and I obviously can't push it. Years ago he had an orchidectomy due to testicular cancer, and he did have some sensitivity around the scar site, plus more recently he had a groin injury that niggled on for a while, so it's understandable that he doesn't want to risk any more pain in that area. It's annoying but I actually don't mind the hormonal coil (I'm about to get my Kyleena replaced) as it's great not having periods. My periods have always been heavy and painful so I don't miss them one bit.

@Comedycook Why would you hate for your partner to have a vasectomy?

This attitude assumes women dont want sex. Bit much in a marriage or relationship to go without.

However to answer OP, many many many more men should have vasectomies, whether or not they have kids, because many men are simply not cut out to have them. But thats another discussion I suppose.

@InterestedDad37 i can also attest that it hasn’t affected my DH’s libido, he’s as keen and capable as ever. 😂

Its hard. With hindsight i wish I had asked to have my tubes tied when i had a c section with 2nd DC

But i was stressed having been told i had to have a c section a few weeks prem for a baby that wasn't growing. I was 33, at that point we still thought a third was on the cards.

When i asked 3 years later if i could have it, the gp was very reluctant and offered me mirena.

At that stage DH wasn't keen on getting a vasectomy. He was only 34 & ive always felt you don't push someone else to give up their fertility if they don't want to.

Edit - we didn't have a third because my obstetric history meant a still born was increasingly likely as i aged and i couldn't cope with the risk. Dh would have liked a third but was understanding about why i said no and was ok with two, but his feelings re more kids was factor in why i didn't feel it was right to push him to get the snip.

How does it assume the woman doesn't want sex?

If the woman wants sex she can take care of the contraception.

But what neither of them can do is force the other into something they don't want to do.

Whether that be using contraception, having a vasectomy or having unprotected sex.

We knew we were done with kids when we had to make that decision due to a health issue on my part. I would have been happy to go back to condoms as we had done prior to kids (couldn’t have the pill due to health issues). My husband suggested the vasectomy. I wouldn’t have pushed him and I did worry about the “would he want more kids if we broke up” but he wanted to have the vasectomy. Looking back we’re both very glad he did as it’s been the best way to manage contraception for us.

@SuzyFandango Has he had one since?

I know a fair number of blokes around my age who have children and don't want any more. Most of them have had vasectomies, me included.

Oh do bore off, her post was one of the most reasonable on here.

As it happens my DH did have a vasectomy, but it was entirely his choice and I didn't go around being all smug and judgemental about it as you seem to be.

It is absolutely nothing to do with anyone else what people do with their own bodies, no SHOULD about it.

@SouthernNights59 But that's where your wrong.
Why do you think so many men don't want vasectomies? Honest answer

Because on average they're very emotionally fragile and hysterical about their penises and they feel entitled to women carrying the whole physical burden.

What's ironic is that this self-absorption and selfishness mean they shoot themselves in the dick, because them making no effort to reduce the burden on their partner means she gets turned off by them. And then they complain about not getting enough sex.