I think men and women should take equal responsibility for their fertility. I don’t think that means men are obliged to have a vasectomy, any more than a woman is obliged to have tubal ligation or use hormonal contraception. A couple should be able to come to a mutually agreed form of contraception, which is acceptable to both of them. I’m really against telling other people what they should do with their own bodies, or having an expectation that someone does something with their body that they aren’t happy to do to suit their partner- be they male or female.
So no, I don’t think anybody should be telling men to have a vasectomy, any more than men should be free to tell women to use hormonal contraception/ have tubal ligation. If it is not ok for a man to expect a woman to use contraceptives she doesn’t want to take, it’s equally unacceptable to demand men have a surgical procedure they don’t want.
A vasectomy is a surgical procedure and whilst usually straightforward, is not without some risks and has to be considered permanent. Serious complications are rare, but they are a consideration- I know someone who has post-vasectomy chronic pain and it has had a horrendous impact on him and his family. I’m not saying no man should have one because of this risk, but having seen it first hand I can understand why some men might be reluctant.
Equally, a man must take control of his fertility- if he is absolutely sure he doesn’t want children/any more children, then he also needs to decide how best to ensure that. Obviously, that means vasectomy is an option worthy of consideration- but could also choose barrier methods, or indeed abstinence. He also has to respect his partners choices regarding her use of contraception and the consequences of both of those decisions.
That said, if a woman is sure that she will not want another child, under any circumstances, I think it should be more straightforward for her to get tubal ligation, if that is what she wishes. Your partner having a vasectomy only protects you with that partner, after all.
I have no time for men who don’t want any more children but won’t use a condom. Clearly, they are hypocritical. I agree that men who decide not to have a vasectomy have to accept that there may be consequences (one way or another) to their decision if their partner decides she is not using contraception either.
Equally, I find it a bit ridiculous that women treat it as some sort of quid pro quo, “I’ve taken it until now, so you’ve got to do this to pay me back” like it’s some sort of transaction. Women don’t solely use contraception for the sake of our partners- we do it to control our own fertility for our own sakes too. At least, I have. I took the pill and then had a mirena because it because it didn’t suit me to have a child at various points in my life. Yes, it also benefitted/suited my DH but I did not take it solely for his benefit, nor would I have taken it as his behest if I didn’t want to.