Neighbour angry with me - Am I in the wrong? I don’t know what to do.

[neighbourgate]

I’m really not sure what to do. My ex came to pick up our daughter and was parked outside my house. There was enough room for people to get past with their cars and even a few vans went past during that time. However, a delivery Driver reversed and hit my neighbours guttering.

I didn’t think my neighbour was home. He didn’t come out of the house. I didn’t hear his dogs barking. My friend said she had just seen him go out for a walk with his dogs.
So I gave the driver a pen and paper to write a note which he posted through the door and then he filled out his insurance paperwork as well.

I’ve gone out to walk my dog and when I came back, my neighbour was outside. He got angry with me asking me why I didn’t knock on his house. I told him I didn’t know he was home because I thought he was walking his dogs. He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.

He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He said to me “i’m a truthful person and I would’ve just knocked on your house straight away. But you just sheepishly f*cked off back into your house and haven’t said a word when you should have knocked on straight away”

I asked him if he thinks it’s my fault because the car was parked there. He basically said yes. I told him that several vans had drove past our houses and got through absolutely fine. I also reiterated again that I did not know he was home because I hadn’t heard his dogs and he hadn’t come out of the house.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”. Then he said
“I have always been nice to you. I even put a fence up in my garden which you didn’t have to do anything about”. Because we live side my side the fence is also on my side.
However, that fence was already there when I moved in. So I told him this. He must have Done it before I moved into this house, which was only one year ago

He said he was too angry and that he was going to get even more angry so he just needed to go inside.

I really don’t know what to do. I hate that he thinks badly of my character. Like I’m a dishonest person who’s trying to avoid accountability. We usually have a good relationship, and sometimes chat when we pass each other.

i feel absolutely terrible. I was really shaken when I got in and burst into tears. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the thought of him thinking badly of me or that I’m dishonest or lack integrity.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he knocks on at some point. I just don’t really know what to do next.

Don’t have anything more to do with this lunatic, avoid and don’t engage with him not his wife.

i think this is good.
This is such misogyny. There are three men who have done something that bothers him- a driver hitting his guttering. Your ex parking. A workman who was rude. And something how he turns this into something to yell at a woman about. Fuck him. Really.

waiting 20 mins until the man who did something wrong drives away before he comes out to yell at the helpful witness woman is just shocking.

OP when you engage with arseholes you turn a "them" problem into a "we" problem. You cannot defend yourself against anyone behaving this unreasonably. Treat him like a troll and don't feed him.

You've helped more than you had to already. It's between then neighbour and the delivery van, nothing to do with you.

He’s the one with the problem.

im not getting how things are being hit though. Is there no pavement in between the road and the house?

I wouldn’t engage but would say that as it is not an illegal place to park then you are not going to stop people parking legally unless you feel it is unsafe. He sounds paranoid and blaming you for all his woes now blaming you for other people being rude to him. He says nothing at the time just blames you who aren’t involved in these incidents later. Don’t be his scapegoat. Disengage, he isn’t rational

Exactly this.

Op, kindly, but you need to stand up for yourself more. Why did you ask if it happened because your ex parked there? That’s inviting blame. The delivery driver knocked into his guttering. Not you. So there’s no reason to feel guilty. I wouldn’t engage with him ever again. Don’t stand for being talked to like that.

Yes absolutely. You’re presenting yourself to him as a ready-made victim on a plate.

At the same time I’m sure your instincts are right - that he does blame you - because you perceive correctly that he’s a cowardly misogynist wankstain.

Stop giving voice to your reflexive self-blame and insecurity. ‘Was it something I’ve done? Can we find a way to blame me?’ is not a healthy way to approach other people. It’s probably a response to the way you were brought up. Maybe work on your self-esteem.

He can take up his grievances with the men he believed caused them, if he wants to.

@somanychristmaslights @lottiegarbanzo
it wasn’t so much I was asking if it was my fault. I was asking “are you saying this is my fault because my ex was parked there?” Because he was insinuating it.

@Auroraloves
no it’s a small private road so when cars drive past, they are driving right past our actual house. The drives are on the other side of the small road. So the set up looks a bit different

He is an unhinged bully.
Call 101 and ask for advice because his deranged anger was very intimidating.
Maybe a community police officer at his door calling him out on his behaviour with shut him up.

"Oh, I see Bob, there's a pattern here...you haven't got the BALLS to confront the man who is actually causing the problem, you'd rather pick on women!"

You didn't LET your ex parked there. He parked there of his own free will. You're not responsible for the workman either. Or the delivery driver. Tell him to piss off. Don't entertain the bully.

It makes me so angry when cowardly little men like this cower away in fear and won't stand up to men, but throw their weight around and do everything they can to intimidate a woman who's done nothing at all wrong. Absolute wanker. I know it's hard when he's your neighbour, OP, and he's helped you out before, but don't entertain his bullshit for a single second.

Your neighbour is a bully. Fo t let him intimidate you. If he starts up again tell him to contact the van driver as the matter is nothing to do with you.,

How does a delivery driver even manage to hit the guttering because of one car parked? Does the neighbour also have a car? Because if so I'm guessing it was also parked near his house?

You have done absolutely nothing wrong and your ex park wherever he wants on a public highway (so long as not parked illegally obviously) for as long as wants.

You’ve done nothing wrong and behaved reasonably and normally. You weren’t pretending nothing happened and colluding with the van driver to pretend nothing happened. The van driver did what he should and so have you. Your neighbour was just angry and took it out on you. He should be embarrassed now.

Your neighbour sounds a bit creepy. He’s taking advantage of you being on your own with a young child. Do not engage with him any further. Do not allow him into your home to “help you”. If he tries to speak to you about the incident with the delivery driver again just politely, but firmly, tell him it is neither your responsibility or your business and he should contact the delivery driver and/or delivery company.

He's a total dickhead you should just laugh at him.

He heard, and saw the incidence, but didn't react or do anything, his problem !

It wasn't your responsibility to take any action.
Given his total inaction, he should have commended you in obtaining the drivers details for him.
As I said, he's a pillock, just forget about it.

He's being massively unreasonable- and to behave in an aggressive way towards you is the far bigger problem in all this. Hold your head high, you did nothing wrong. You didnt think he was in! He is annoyed it happened but that is NOT on you. X

Why didn't he come downstairs and deal with the driver himself then instead of watching and leaving it up to you, the lazy arse? You did the right thing taking the details when it wasn't your fault or anything to do with you.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”

Yes you are mate. Don't stand around talking shit and go and fix it then.

What a nobhead.

You are the messenger and he shot you. What an AH.

Stuff can be fixed, what is his issue here. The van driver was great, you were a good neighbour too.

I'd give him a bit more rope to hang on. Hopefully someone will tell him he's OOO when he regails the story and he'll come to his senses.

It can be awful if a neighbour misinterprets what has happened and living next door as well . I would - even though you haven't done anything wrong buy a small box of chocolates and just say I hope we can put this behind us and move on . I would rather keep the peace. It won't be easy , it isn't ideal but I wouldn't want any more worry. It would also make you the better person . If that doesn't resolve it then like others I would ignore the situation

He hid inside because there were two men outside and he didn’t want to get into it with them (even though they sound like they were doing the decent thing.
He’s having a go at you as a lone female.
He’s a coward who tries to bully women.
You did him a favour by helping ensure he got the driver’s details. You’re quits.
No more favours from him now - I wouldn’t so much as look in his direction again and I’d be clear he needs to keep is distance. What a prick

Dear OP you are never responsible for other idiots/careless human/animal actions. You are only responsible for your own. Doesn't matter who they are or what they are doing. Full Stop. You cannot stop an idiot saying or doing something: that it outside your control. What you can help are children, who are your responsibility, doing what you can prevent. The idiots, convicts, murderers, abusers, bad drivers and people who cannot park, are nothing to do with you.

You are only able to do your best in all circumstances. Your neighbour, ex partner, neighbours, delivery drivers are all responsible for their own actions and responses. As some people say: "Not your monkeys, not your circus".

You are not responsible for the actions of others. You didn't drive into his guttering and you didn't park the car. I'd tell him that while you understand he's upset that he's directing it at the wrong person.