Neighbour angry with me - Am I in the wrong? I don’t know what to do.

[neighbourgate]

I’m really not sure what to do. My ex came to pick up our daughter and was parked outside my house. There was enough room for people to get past with their cars and even a few vans went past during that time. However, a delivery Driver reversed and hit my neighbours guttering.

I didn’t think my neighbour was home. He didn’t come out of the house. I didn’t hear his dogs barking. My friend said she had just seen him go out for a walk with his dogs.
So I gave the driver a pen and paper to write a note which he posted through the door and then he filled out his insurance paperwork as well.

I’ve gone out to walk my dog and when I came back, my neighbour was outside. He got angry with me asking me why I didn’t knock on his house. I told him I didn’t know he was home because I thought he was walking his dogs. He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.

He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He said to me “i’m a truthful person and I would’ve just knocked on your house straight away. But you just sheepishly f*cked off back into your house and haven’t said a word when you should have knocked on straight away”

I asked him if he thinks it’s my fault because the car was parked there. He basically said yes. I told him that several vans had drove past our houses and got through absolutely fine. I also reiterated again that I did not know he was home because I hadn’t heard his dogs and he hadn’t come out of the house.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”. Then he said
“I have always been nice to you. I even put a fence up in my garden which you didn’t have to do anything about”. Because we live side my side the fence is also on my side.
However, that fence was already there when I moved in. So I told him this. He must have Done it before I moved into this house, which was only one year ago

He said he was too angry and that he was going to get even more angry so he just needed to go inside.

I really don’t know what to do. I hate that he thinks badly of my character. Like I’m a dishonest person who’s trying to avoid accountability. We usually have a good relationship, and sometimes chat when we pass each other.

i feel absolutely terrible. I was really shaken when I got in and burst into tears. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the thought of him thinking badly of me or that I’m dishonest or lack integrity.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he knocks on at some point. I just don’t really know what to do next.

He sounds like a crazy person. This was not your fault and you made sure that the driver took responsibility and he can get his precious gutters fixed.
Do not let him engage you on this subject again.

What on earth has the whole thing got to do with you.at all? Nothing

A random van hit his house. The van driver could have knocked on his door. He could have come out to see what the commotion was about. Instead he chose to hide upstairs, which is a totally weird thing to do. Neither of these things involve you.

If you were feeling charitable, you could offer a witness statement if you did actually witness the van hitting the guttering. But apart from that, it's just a thing that happened and needs to be sorted between the van company and your neighbour. Nothing for you to be involved in at all.

Whether your ex's car was in the way it not, it's still on the van driver to ensure he has enough room to carry out his manoeuvre. Still not your problem

He’s batshit. He left you to deal with something that was nothing to do with you.

You did the right thing. Don’t let this bother you. Continue being polite to him but I probably wouldn’t have him in my house again.

Watching how it all played out?! If he was watching then why didn’t he come down and speak to the driver? What a weirdo.

This is an instance of no good deed going un-punished.

And to add another phrase - it isn't your circus, it isn't your monkeys.

He should have come out and spoken to the delivery driver. In his absence, you tried to help out by providing pen/paper and comforting the poor driver who'd had the accident (no sensors up that high I guess!)

He is trying to involve you when it's nothing to do with you at all - the most you might be is a witness (did you see it happen?) This is why everyone involved has insurance.

Your ex parked legally yes?
the delivery driver accidently hit the neighbors guttering. New to the job may not be experienced in backing up a larger vehicle.

nearly 20 minutes spent outside consoling driver and obtaining pertinent details for claiming accident.

NDN skulks upstairs in house while watching the events unfold outside? I mean honestly who does that and then admits that?

Strange.

low contact with the neighbor. No favors exchanged either way. A cool hello at most. He can work it out with the delivery company and his car insurer. He seems strange and thus unpredictable to me. Don’t open your door to him. If he comes over talk thru the door or glass. If he asks why say…your behavior is weird and I don’t like it. Don’t say…afraid or uncomfortable or intimidating.

20 delivery vehicles circle my area daily. I often admire their agility in driving and delivering. It’s not an easy job. Accidents do happen.

Dear Bob,
I am writing to address your behaviour toward me this morning, which I found very intimidating and unnecessarily aggressive.

You shouted and swore at me despite the fact that I had nothing to do with the accident.
As you mentioned you were upstairs and saw it all, you will know it was a delivery driver - not me -who hit your guttering. I went inside specifically to get a pen and paper to ensure the driver left his details for you. I was acting as a helpful witness, yet I was met with verbal abuse.

As a parent at home alone with a young child, I found your response very upsetting and inappropriate. I hope that in the future, we can communicate more respectfully.
Best regards,
Emma

put a note through and leave him alone. Arshehole

And yes, don't get enmeshed with this dude - he's going to push your boundaries and try to get you to take responsibility for things that are nothing to do with you.

Withdraw - you are not friends or family, nodding acquaintances is all you need to be with neighbours. It was nice of him to help you with the washer, but, that doesn't mean you are beholden to him, draw a line under it and don't get involved with him.

I think your neighbour is nuts. Nothing you did was wrong, you actually helped with the insurance and the driver, as well as your ex looking after the upset driver.
Just keep away from the neighbour as much as possible, I don't think it will be long before he comes up with some other things to have a go at you for and it's not worth it.

I'd never say intimidating, it shows 'weakness' and it sounds like something the neighbour may enjoy.
The rest, grand! Esp the arsehole bit :)

Sounds like it's not your problem. You didn't park the car there, you weren't doing the delivery. He was the one 'cowardly' hiding from it despite watching it all play out. I wouldn't entertain him. There was nothing stopping him speaking to your ex or the delivery driver 🤷

@xyzandabc I did give the driver my details as a witness too.

You have no responsibility in any if this, you were merely a bystander. You didn't park the van, although if others drove past, it wasn't causing an obstruction. You weren't driving the van that hit his guttering
. You were kind enough to assist the driver by giving him a pen and paper. The neighbour should think himself lucky that the driver left his details, usually couriers just drive off leaving a trail of destruction behind them. If that had happened, it still wouldn't have been your responsibility.
So tell your neighbour to FO.

So, in other words, he's a coward who likes to bully the weak. He's also a fool to have alienated someone who he's got to stay living beside - guess what your reaction is likely to be if he ever calls out to you to help him with his broken arm or the dog is injured....

He sounds quite unhinged.

The neighbour is a weirdo. Who sits and watches . He should have gone out and sorted it himself.
You did nothing wrong. But if i was you i would avoid the neighbour and refuse to speak to him. He sounds like he wants to control/guilt you and that he thinks you owe him. Which you dont for anything he may have helped you with.
Just avoid !

@Easterbunnygettingawrapping id tend to agree with this. Id have been upset like you @neighbourgate but my ex was in a similar situation recently and the other person backed down very quickly when dealing with my ex. I retold this to several male friends who all would have told the neighbour to f off.

right @neighbourgate ….really think about this… why do you give two shits what he thinks about you? You know you’ve tried to help…and you know it’s not your fault.

Stand up for yourself. ‘Barry I’m not getting into this with you, you’ve got the drivers details , talk to him’

Once you’ve done that have a think about how you can build your resilience, it will be great for your daughter to see that her mum knows her own self worth and won’t be bullied like this.

He's out of order. His behaviour was incredibly strange (hiding indoors).

I don't know how your relationship with your ex is, but if the neighbour gives you any more trouble I'd ask ex to knock on his door and have a word. Because I bet your neighbour would not have dared treat you this way if you were a man. Even if he doesn't react well to your ex he will likely think twice before troubling you again.

Of course you're shaken - he verbally attacked you out of nowhere. You didn't anticipate it as you hadn't done anything wrong!

Bob, you’re being an idiot. It was an accident, caused by the van driver not me. The van driver did the right thing, it wasn’t my responsibility to come round, as it wasn’t me who had the accident. At the end of the day, the issue is yours, behaving like a child instead of coming out like an adult and talking to the van driver. Please don’t talk to me about this again.

He was hiding upstairs, too scared to go down and face the situation, and he is now taking it out on you, If he knew it had happened, why else would he stay indoors peeping out of an upstairs window?

It's a ridiculous thing to say, he was testing you, it wasn't anything to do with you.

Let me guess… he’s retired, ex forces, lives alone, has a little moustache, wears one of those combat gilets with loads of flap pockets with pens and fishing bits in them …
You’ve done nothing wrong
He’s a spineless bully 😏

This is actually quite disturbing/pathetic.

So all the while the driver was there - 20 minutes or so - and your ex, he was watching YOU to see how YOU would deal with the situation?! That's actually really creepy and making him sound slightly unhinged. Admitting he was hiding upstairs doesn't paint him in a good light, how embarrassing that he actually admitted that's what he did.

He had plenty of time to come out and deal with it himself, but instead hid in his house and watched what you did. You'd have been well within your rights to observe 'Oh, that driver's just hit next door's guttering' then close your front door and get on with your day. You took the time to check in with the driver and give him a pen and paper to leave contact details. You already did more than enough.

He clearly didn't help you out out of the goodness of his heart, more like he thinks he can call in favours now because you owe him.

His behaviour in all of this is giving me a really uneasy feeling. He's most certainly a bully, that's for sure. Happy to run his mouth off at you but couldn't stand up to the driver.

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him to f* off, but that's me, not everyone is confrontational or comfortable with yelling back and that's perfectly understandable. Would your ex have a word with him?

He sounds unhinged

Just point out that you gave the driver a pen and paper so that he could leave his details for him - which was you acting to assist your neighbour.

He is an idiot.

Even if X's car had been fully blocking the road it is the van driver's responsibility not to hit houses or bump onto stuff.