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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour angry with me - Am I in the wrong? I don’t know what to do.

268 replies

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 13:58

I’m really not sure what to do. My ex came to pick up our daughter and was parked outside my house. There was enough room for people to get past with their cars and even a few vans went past during that time. However, a delivery Driver reversed and hit my neighbours guttering.

I didn’t think my neighbour was home. He didn’t come out of the house. I didn’t hear his dogs barking. My friend said she had just seen him go out for a walk with his dogs.
So I gave the driver a pen and paper to write a note which he posted through the door and then he filled out his insurance paperwork as well.

I’ve gone out to walk my dog and when I came back, my neighbour was outside. He got angry with me asking me why I didn’t knock on his house. I told him I didn’t know he was home because I thought he was walking his dogs. He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.

He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He said to me “i’m a truthful person and I would’ve just knocked on your house straight away. But you just sheepishly f*cked off back into your house and haven’t said a word when you should have knocked on straight away”

I asked him if he thinks it’s my fault because the car was parked there. He basically said yes. I told him that several vans had drove past our houses and got through absolutely fine. I also reiterated again that I did not know he was home because I hadn’t heard his dogs and he hadn’t come out of the house.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”. Then he said
“I have always been nice to you. I even put a fence up in my garden which you didn’t have to do anything about”. Because we live side my side the fence is also on my side.
However, that fence was already there when I moved in. So I told him this. He must have Done it before I moved into this house, which was only one year ago

He said he was too angry and that he was going to get even more angry so he just needed to go inside.

I really don’t know what to do. I hate that he thinks badly of my character. Like I’m a dishonest person who’s trying to avoid accountability. We usually have a good relationship, and sometimes chat when we pass each other.

i feel absolutely terrible. I was really shaken when I got in and burst into tears. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the thought of him thinking badly of me or that I’m dishonest or lack integrity.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he knocks on at some point. I just don’t really know what to do next.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 28/02/2026 14:00

he’s being really shitty - accidents happen
you did nothing wrong
none of this is your fault
He has all the details from the van driver and it’s now up to the two of them to sort it out
do not engage with him - point the above out and leave it at that

Vaxtable · 28/02/2026 14:01

Just ignore him. If he starts off again just tell him to contact the delivery driver and shut the door on him

its nothing to do with you, you didn’t cause anything

rubyslippers · 28/02/2026 14:01

Sounds like he likes intimidating you - do you live alone and does he know that?

Easterbunnygettingawrapping · 28/02/2026 14:02

100% of you were a man he wouldn't have this attitude. Tell him to fuck off and don't engage this crap any longer

HArderthan1thought · 28/02/2026 14:02

rubyslippers · 28/02/2026 14:00

he’s being really shitty - accidents happen
you did nothing wrong
none of this is your fault
He has all the details from the van driver and it’s now up to the two of them to sort it out
do not engage with him - point the above out and leave it at that

Entirely agree with this

Confuserr · 28/02/2026 14:03

It was extremely good of you to make sure the driver at fault left his details etc.
You'd have been totally reasonable to do nothing.
Neighbour is a prick and you're overthinking it, probably because you're a nice person. I would respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way but this is none of my business" if he brings it up again.

Applespearsandpeaches · 28/02/2026 14:03

It’s completely the fault of the delivery driver and your ex. Don’t apologise to your neighbour, it’s not your job to police the actions of delivery drivers or to notify him of anything. Tell him to take it up with them. He sounds upset about the damage to his property but it doesn’t excuse picking on you.

HarlanCobenDogshit · 28/02/2026 14:03

He's being a c*nt.

If he starts again, tell him to direct his energies to the delivery company.

And who sits 'and watches it all play out'.

I'm angry on your behalf.

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 14:04

@rubyslippers Yes it’s just me and my toddler daughter who live here.
he has helped me before with my washing machine so he came in the house a few months ago which is why he said “I’ve always helped you”.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/02/2026 14:04

Why didn’t the delivery driver knock on his door?

Helpwithdivorce · 28/02/2026 14:05

So he was in his house. Saw the van hit his house and didn’t come out?
I would have told him I assumed you weren’t home because you’d have come out if you’d have been in. What kind of psychopath sits and watches out the window and does nothing?
Id just ignore him from now on. He’s clearly got several screws loose

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 14:06

@ToKittyornottoKitty
i don’t know if he did or not. But he did post the note through

OP posts:
getearnow · 28/02/2026 14:06

You have done absolutely nothing wrong! He’s the one that ‘sheepishly’ hid in his house.
You have no reason to feel bad at all, it had nothing to do with you at all really

lazyarse123 · 28/02/2026 14:06

Ask the stupid twat why he didn't come outside when he saw it happen.
He has no right to test how you deal with something. Wanker.

Triskels · 28/02/2026 14:06

I’d be totally baffled in your shoes. You didn’t hit his guttering with a vehicle, or cause someone else to. It’s literally nothing to do with you. Point this out, if necessary repeatedly. He has the other person’s contact details.

Uticary · 28/02/2026 14:08

This is not your fault.
I would find his anger and threatening behaviour completely unacceptable.
If he approaches you in anger again, ring 101.
You are not responsible for where your Ex parks.
He's a bully.
Do not allow him near your home agajn, certainly do not allow him to enter.
He watched it happen, then bullys you?
He is a scared little bully.
Tell him you will contact 101.

Donttellempike · 28/02/2026 14:09

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 13:58

I’m really not sure what to do. My ex came to pick up our daughter and was parked outside my house. There was enough room for people to get past with their cars and even a few vans went past during that time. However, a delivery Driver reversed and hit my neighbours guttering.

I didn’t think my neighbour was home. He didn’t come out of the house. I didn’t hear his dogs barking. My friend said she had just seen him go out for a walk with his dogs.
So I gave the driver a pen and paper to write a note which he posted through the door and then he filled out his insurance paperwork as well.

I’ve gone out to walk my dog and when I came back, my neighbour was outside. He got angry with me asking me why I didn’t knock on his house. I told him I didn’t know he was home because I thought he was walking his dogs. He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.

He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He said to me “i’m a truthful person and I would’ve just knocked on your house straight away. But you just sheepishly f*cked off back into your house and haven’t said a word when you should have knocked on straight away”

I asked him if he thinks it’s my fault because the car was parked there. He basically said yes. I told him that several vans had drove past our houses and got through absolutely fine. I also reiterated again that I did not know he was home because I hadn’t heard his dogs and he hadn’t come out of the house.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”. Then he said
“I have always been nice to you. I even put a fence up in my garden which you didn’t have to do anything about”. Because we live side my side the fence is also on my side.
However, that fence was already there when I moved in. So I told him this. He must have Done it before I moved into this house, which was only one year ago

He said he was too angry and that he was going to get even more angry so he just needed to go inside.

I really don’t know what to do. I hate that he thinks badly of my character. Like I’m a dishonest person who’s trying to avoid accountability. We usually have a good relationship, and sometimes chat when we pass each other.

i feel absolutely terrible. I was really shaken when I got in and burst into tears. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the thought of him thinking badly of me or that I’m dishonest or lack integrity.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he knocks on at some point. I just don’t really know what to do next.

He’s an unreasonable idiot. Why didn’t he come out of his house? I bet he would have kept his trap shut if you were a man.

He’s got the van drivers details. The end.

What he thinks of you is irrelevant. What do you think of him? He’s a coward, scared of confrontation with the male van driver. And bullying you.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/02/2026 14:09

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 14:06

@ToKittyornottoKitty
i don’t know if he did or not. But he did post the note through

How did you end up having to deal with it and get him paper and a pen?

pikkumyy77 · 28/02/2026 14:09

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 14:04

@rubyslippers Yes it’s just me and my toddler daughter who live here.
he has helped me before with my washing machine so he came in the house a few months ago which is why he said “I’ve always helped you”.

Oh this was s bad. He sees you as vulnerable and easily manipulated, browbeaten, snd cowed. Avoid him from now on. He is potentially very dangerous.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 28/02/2026 14:09

He’s a spineless twat. He should have come out of his house and dealt with it himself. Easier for him to have a go at his female neighbour.

It’s nothing to do with you so ignore the idiot.

Donttellempike · 28/02/2026 14:09

Uticary · 28/02/2026 14:08

This is not your fault.
I would find his anger and threatening behaviour completely unacceptable.
If he approaches you in anger again, ring 101.
You are not responsible for where your Ex parks.
He's a bully.
Do not allow him near your home agajn, certainly do not allow him to enter.
He watched it happen, then bullys you?
He is a scared little bully.
Tell him you will contact 101.

This 💯

AppropriateAdult · 28/02/2026 14:10

Triskels · 28/02/2026 14:06

I’d be totally baffled in your shoes. You didn’t hit his guttering with a vehicle, or cause someone else to. It’s literally nothing to do with you. Point this out, if necessary repeatedly. He has the other person’s contact details.

This. He doesn’t sound like he’s behaving rationally at all, so I just wouldn’t get involved any further. It’s between him and the driver.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/02/2026 14:11

Your neighbour is a complete dickhead. None of this was your fault.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 28/02/2026 14:11

You need to find your anger and rage and blast him off if he comes to your door carrying on the argument.

Give him something to think about.

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 14:11

@Uticary @lazyarse123 @getearnow

The delivery driver was actually outside for about 20 minutes. The delivery driver was having a meltdown. He said he was new to this job. And he honestly looked like he was going to cry. So my ex was outside trying to calm him down.

So the driver was outside for about 20-25 minutes writing this note and filling out his insurance.

And yes, it does feel like my neighbour was testing me. Because he said he was waiting to see what I would do and how I would respond to it. Rather than him just coming outside to see what happened and dealing with the delivery driver himself.

OP posts: