Neighbour angry with me - Am I in the wrong? I don’t know what to do.

[neighbourgate]

I’m really not sure what to do. My ex came to pick up our daughter and was parked outside my house. There was enough room for people to get past with their cars and even a few vans went past during that time. However, a delivery Driver reversed and hit my neighbours guttering.

I didn’t think my neighbour was home. He didn’t come out of the house. I didn’t hear his dogs barking. My friend said she had just seen him go out for a walk with his dogs.
So I gave the driver a pen and paper to write a note which he posted through the door and then he filled out his insurance paperwork as well.

I’ve gone out to walk my dog and when I came back, my neighbour was outside. He got angry with me asking me why I didn’t knock on his house. I told him I didn’t know he was home because I thought he was walking his dogs. He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.

He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He said to me “i’m a truthful person and I would’ve just knocked on your house straight away. But you just sheepishly f*cked off back into your house and haven’t said a word when you should have knocked on straight away”

I asked him if he thinks it’s my fault because the car was parked there. He basically said yes. I told him that several vans had drove past our houses and got through absolutely fine. I also reiterated again that I did not know he was home because I hadn’t heard his dogs and he hadn’t come out of the house.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”. Then he said
“I have always been nice to you. I even put a fence up in my garden which you didn’t have to do anything about”. Because we live side my side the fence is also on my side.
However, that fence was already there when I moved in. So I told him this. He must have Done it before I moved into this house, which was only one year ago

He said he was too angry and that he was going to get even more angry so he just needed to go inside.

I really don’t know what to do. I hate that he thinks badly of my character. Like I’m a dishonest person who’s trying to avoid accountability. We usually have a good relationship, and sometimes chat when we pass each other.

i feel absolutely terrible. I was really shaken when I got in and burst into tears. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the thought of him thinking badly of me or that I’m dishonest or lack integrity.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he knocks on at some point. I just don’t really know what to do next.

It isn’t your job to facilitate everyone dealing with this situation. It wasn’t your job to knock on your neighbours door, you already helped by providing the paper and pen for a note. Maybe your neighbour was already upset and this on top tipped him over the edge, HOWEVER, there was no reason to take it out on you.
I’d have been really upset by the whole thing too, for all of the reasons you’ve said and just generally by the angry conflict occurring at all so please don’t feel like you’re silly or overreacting at all. Just try to remember you aren’t actually involved any more than any other person in the street who could have happened to see it. Yes your neigh though is the victim but you’re not the one at fault so his anger is misdirected.
hopefully if he’s not a total wanker (based on your description of him so far he’s maybe not normally), once he’s calmed down and come to his senses he will realise that and maybe even apologise because you’re definitely owed an apology for the way he spoke to you.

its a shitty thing to happen, but if he knocks again, hopefully it’s to apologise because anything else deserves an “I’m ending this conversation until you calm down” and closing the door.

The driver should have knocked on the neighbours door. You shouldn’t have been as involved and your neighbour is a weirdo. This had nothing to do with you. He should be annoyed with the van driver not knocking on his door not you and he could easily have come down. Have nothing to do with him from now on

OP you are definitely not in the wrong here. Your neighbour had taken out his rage on you when it was not your fault and you did your best to sort out the situation for him.
I would send your ex round to politely explain this, if the neighbour is going to be this aggressive then it’s a man’s job to sort it and I’m not being sexist here.

This sounds very upsetting all round. The accident was clearly not your fault, but he sounds upset about having his property damaged.

Perhaps you could leave things to settle for a day or so, and then pop round and apologise for not knocking? And obviously point out again that you thought he was out. Maybe take a small peace offering. The last thing you want is a difficult relationship with your neighbour.

Obviously it's a very good thing that you were around to take details.

The thing is that we don't know what else is going on in people's lives.

He's been ridiculous. Unless your ex was parked illegally, it has absolutely nothing to do with you (and even if he was parked somewhere he shouldn't, the most your neighbour could reasonably do is ask for his details). His argument, if he wants one, is with the delivery driver.

He's either mentally unwell or enjoying playing weird mind games with you (who watches from their window to 'see what you would do' instead of coming outside... that's bizarre!). Try to ignore him, you've done nothing wrong.

Sorry I clicked YABU by accident 🤦‍♀️

You have nothing to do with this so don’t worry. It’s between the driver and the neighbour. It wasn’t even your car!! I would have said “it’s my ex’s car would you like me to go get him to have a chat about it with you?” Because I guarantee he probably wouldn’t have a go at him! What if it was another neighbours visitor outside your house, would you still get the blame because it’s outside your house? The driver is the one at fault, regardless of where your ex parked the driver is the one moving and the onus is on him not to hit anything

It’s the delivery drivers fault the guttering was damaged and it was your exes fault if his/her parking led to the other traffic problems. You don’t have any responsibility for how any of it unfolded.
Your neighbour is blaming you for the fact he himself was a coward hiding in his house and didn’t have the balls to come out and speak to the delivery driver who damaged his guttering directly. He can’t blame you for the fact he is a coward. It wasn’t your responsibility at all.

Exactly what I was about to say. He sounds nuts! So sorry OP especially as you didn't have to be as helpful as you already had. Don't let him intimidate you.

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Why bother with all that?

Why should the neighbour have knocked? She damaged nothing and I think the ex parking his car outside her house is irrelevant. It was outside her house parked legally. She got overinvolved and should first have told the van driver to knock on the neighbours door, it wasn’t her job to do so

I wouldn’t have got involved at all @neighbourgate but as you have, by way of delivering notes, now just leave it. Your neighbour sounds unhinged and it’s absolutely nothing to do with you. Not the driver’s actions nor how your ex parked, whether or not it allowed traffic to pass.

Ignore your bullying idiot of a neighbour.

Your neighbour sounds like an oddball - if he saw what happened he could have come out and dealt with it himself. It's nothing to do with you, not your fault and he's got a bloody cheek accusing you of anything! If he comes and knocks on your door again, ignore him. If he gives you any more grief, tell him you'll report him to the police for harassment.

Indeed. It’s absolutely nothing to do with you so don’t even mention it again.

You went out of your way to help with getting the details …. Why was he hiding upstairs FFS, trying to ensure you did what he expects you to do? He sounds like a bully, it’s not ideal but just stand up to him, you helped, he should be grateful

Why didn't he come out then if he saw it all unfold and it was his house??
I think hes been a twat but his reaction is a bit extreme, hiding then having a meltdown because someone hit his gutter. Therefore I would deduce that he has some mental health issues and its best to try and draw a line and make up somehow. He may well apologise next time he sees you after he has calmed down.

He’d hide inside and then attempt to intimidate a lone woman rather than immediately go and speak to the driver who caused the accident and your ex. What an idiot.

Batshit, cowardly little prick!

Too shit scared to come out and deal with it but all Billy big balls after the event?

"He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do."

Utter bollocks. Why would he stay in his house when the driver who has just damaged his property was outside? Of course he would have gone outside and taken down insurance details!

He's a liar and a total cunt who probably gets off on intimidating a woman. Never trust him again, and never allow him into your house again (not even if your washing machine floods the kitchen!).

Tell him to naff off. You didnt hit his guttering. Him fixing your washer doesnt obligate you to him in anyway.
Oh and I also bet he wouldnt havebooted off to a bloke

He’s behaved completely u reasonably because he’s clocked your the sort of person who will take the blame for something that has NOTHING whatsoever to do with you.

Next time you see him - look him in the eye and say if he ever verbally abuses you publicly again you’ll be taking it further.

Don’t let him be a bully and stop being a wet wipe.

He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.
He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He's hilarious.

Hiding upstairs, fully capable of criticising and aggressively standing up for himself against his female neighbour, who wasn't involved with the accident in any form, but wouldn't come down to deal with the van driver who damaged his house.

He's a jackass. Just ignore him.

OP it's time to get a grip. It's intimidating when someone is behaving in such a confidently accusatory way but nothing your neighbour said makes sense so you don't need to continue to feel guilty. He's hiding upstairs because he's scared but also he's watching to see what you would do. He doesn't appear to have said the driver did not leave insurance details so an accident, you had nothing to do with, has been dealt with appropriately by the person who caused it. It's nothing to do with you so there is no need to volunteer yourself as personally responsible in anyway, you didn't park the car or drive the van.

Your neighbour is batshit so why would you care what he thinks of you. Straighten your spine and if he knocks tell him you do not intend to speak to him unless it's to hear an apology for his appalling behaviour and then close the door. Stop striving for the good opinion of arseholes.

Tell him to fuck off, you didn't hit it!

Your neighbour sounds like a very odd person and I would be very wary of interacting with him at all. Normal behaviour does not involve watching how something plays out so you can intimidate someone, especially someone (you) who had nothing to do with the incident. He sounds very controlling and manipulative. He doesn’t need to involve you at all, he already has the details of the driver which he saw being posted into his letterbox. At that point he could have spoken directly to the driver. Instead he avoided any interaction with the driver who interestingly is male and chose to attack you, who he feels he can intimidate. Sounds like a psychopathic bully.

What a fucking weirdo. Strange he was actually the one hiding inside. Why didn’t he come straight out? Too scared of the male driver I’m guessing, easier to take it out on you.