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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour angry with me - Am I in the wrong? I don’t know what to do.

268 replies

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 13:58

I’m really not sure what to do. My ex came to pick up our daughter and was parked outside my house. There was enough room for people to get past with their cars and even a few vans went past during that time. However, a delivery Driver reversed and hit my neighbours guttering.

I didn’t think my neighbour was home. He didn’t come out of the house. I didn’t hear his dogs barking. My friend said she had just seen him go out for a walk with his dogs.
So I gave the driver a pen and paper to write a note which he posted through the door and then he filled out his insurance paperwork as well.

I’ve gone out to walk my dog and when I came back, my neighbour was outside. He got angry with me asking me why I didn’t knock on his house. I told him I didn’t know he was home because I thought he was walking his dogs. He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.

He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He said to me “i’m a truthful person and I would’ve just knocked on your house straight away. But you just sheepishly f*cked off back into your house and haven’t said a word when you should have knocked on straight away”

I asked him if he thinks it’s my fault because the car was parked there. He basically said yes. I told him that several vans had drove past our houses and got through absolutely fine. I also reiterated again that I did not know he was home because I hadn’t heard his dogs and he hadn’t come out of the house.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”. Then he said
“I have always been nice to you. I even put a fence up in my garden which you didn’t have to do anything about”. Because we live side my side the fence is also on my side.
However, that fence was already there when I moved in. So I told him this. He must have Done it before I moved into this house, which was only one year ago

He said he was too angry and that he was going to get even more angry so he just needed to go inside.

I really don’t know what to do. I hate that he thinks badly of my character. Like I’m a dishonest person who’s trying to avoid accountability. We usually have a good relationship, and sometimes chat when we pass each other.

i feel absolutely terrible. I was really shaken when I got in and burst into tears. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the thought of him thinking badly of me or that I’m dishonest or lack integrity.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he knocks on at some point. I just don’t really know what to do next.

OP posts:
WaIIy · 28/02/2026 16:22

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 14:04

@rubyslippers Yes it’s just me and my toddler daughter who live here.
he has helped me before with my washing machine so he came in the house a few months ago which is why he said “I’ve always helped you”.

He didn't come out when he saw it all happening? Sounds like a coward who likes intimidating women, because he didn't want to confront a man did he?
What a cunt

cricketnut77 · 28/02/2026 16:23

What a twat your neighbour sounds. Why didn't he come outside if he knew thr delivery driver hit his guttering? Weirdo

Gymnopedie · 28/02/2026 16:32

Yeah, too scared to come out and face the male driver so takes it out on his female neighbour.

Don't engage with him any more. Tell him it's between him and the driver and either close the door or go inside if he's caught you outside. Is your relationship with yoour ex good enough that he would have words? I know it shouldn't take a man to tell him to shove it but sadly that's the way some men (ie the misogynists or the cowards) think.

dick27 · 28/02/2026 16:36

WaIIy · 28/02/2026 16:22

He didn't come out when he saw it all happening? Sounds like a coward who likes intimidating women, because he didn't want to confront a man did he?
What a cunt

Yup 100% this

Daygloboo · 28/02/2026 16:38

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 13:58

I’m really not sure what to do. My ex came to pick up our daughter and was parked outside my house. There was enough room for people to get past with their cars and even a few vans went past during that time. However, a delivery Driver reversed and hit my neighbours guttering.

I didn’t think my neighbour was home. He didn’t come out of the house. I didn’t hear his dogs barking. My friend said she had just seen him go out for a walk with his dogs.
So I gave the driver a pen and paper to write a note which he posted through the door and then he filled out his insurance paperwork as well.

I’ve gone out to walk my dog and when I came back, my neighbour was outside. He got angry with me asking me why I didn’t knock on his house. I told him I didn’t know he was home because I thought he was walking his dogs. He told me he was home and that he was upstairs with his dogs scared because of the van hitting his guttering.

He said he was looking out of his window “watching how it all played out” to see what I would do.

He said to me “i’m a truthful person and I would’ve just knocked on your house straight away. But you just sheepishly f*cked off back into your house and haven’t said a word when you should have knocked on straight away”

I asked him if he thinks it’s my fault because the car was parked there. He basically said yes. I told him that several vans had drove past our houses and got through absolutely fine. I also reiterated again that I did not know he was home because I hadn’t heard his dogs and he hadn’t come out of the house.

He kept saying “I’m the victim here. I’m the victim. I’m the one fixing this”. Then he said
“I have always been nice to you. I even put a fence up in my garden which you didn’t have to do anything about”. Because we live side my side the fence is also on my side.
However, that fence was already there when I moved in. So I told him this. He must have Done it before I moved into this house, which was only one year ago

He said he was too angry and that he was going to get even more angry so he just needed to go inside.

I really don’t know what to do. I hate that he thinks badly of my character. Like I’m a dishonest person who’s trying to avoid accountability. We usually have a good relationship, and sometimes chat when we pass each other.

i feel absolutely terrible. I was really shaken when I got in and burst into tears. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the thought of him thinking badly of me or that I’m dishonest or lack integrity.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he knocks on at some point. I just don’t really know what to do next.

I'd have nothing to do with him. He sounds a bit unstable. Dont talk to him. Dont grovel ffs. You've apologised. It's over. Time to ignore hom from now on because he is intimidating you. The fact he was watching to see what you'd do is creepy.

Alcoholtakingherlife · 28/02/2026 16:40

Applespearsandpeaches · 28/02/2026 14:03

It’s completely the fault of the delivery driver and your ex. Don’t apologise to your neighbour, it’s not your job to police the actions of delivery drivers or to notify him of anything. Tell him to take it up with them. He sounds upset about the damage to his property but it doesn’t excuse picking on you.

Is not OPs ex's fault either

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 28/02/2026 16:46

I put that yabu - not that you shouldn’t be upset, but he is being so ridiculous that it’s not worth arguing with him- he’s not going to suddenly get reasonable. Try not to take it to heart.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 28/02/2026 16:49

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 14:11

@Uticary @lazyarse123 @getearnow

The delivery driver was actually outside for about 20 minutes. The delivery driver was having a meltdown. He said he was new to this job. And he honestly looked like he was going to cry. So my ex was outside trying to calm him down.

So the driver was outside for about 20-25 minutes writing this note and filling out his insurance.

And yes, it does feel like my neighbour was testing me. Because he said he was waiting to see what I would do and how I would respond to it. Rather than him just coming outside to see what happened and dealing with the delivery driver himself.

He’s a twat. If anyone contacts you about this, just be truthful about what happened and make it clear that he told you he was home and testing you. He sounds unhinged.

hypnovic · 28/02/2026 16:49

He is a dick you did nothing wrong

EstherGreenwood63 · 28/02/2026 16:55

He is another subpar male specimen who is such a wee coward he cannot confront a man. He knows how weak and cowardly he is so to boost his very low self esteem he bullies a lone woman. He is a sad cunt. Don't give this turd another thought but DO report him of there is any further harassment of you.
And as pp have said NEVER ever let him in to your property again. 💐

NotAlwaysCertain · 28/02/2026 16:57

Yabu because you threw yourself under the bus by inviting him to blame your parking, when you suggested he might be angry (framed it as your fault).
Yabu to take it all to heart.

But… YANBU for being responsible or not knocking. There's no law that people should knock and if he was watching it all play out then he was fully aware and it's even more obviously all on him, not you.

Namechangerage · 28/02/2026 16:58

If comes to the door do not answer!! And if he brings it up next time you see him, say “I will not talking about it any further. I made sure the driver left his details and gave my info as a witness. It was your choice to hide upstairs.” If he carries on a “LEAVE ME ALONE” should do it.

GrillaMilla · 28/02/2026 17:00

I'd be keeping my distance. He sounds weird.
Don't tell him any of your business, and certainly don't let him 'help' you with anything. Just be courteous and that's it.
He's a bully, you did nothing wrong. And I wouldn't give a toss what he thought of me either.

Ponderingwindow · 28/02/2026 17:05

this really has nothing to do with you.

However, how this plays out in the court of neighborhood opinion is likely to come down to whether or not your ex was parked legally.

Jack2025 · 28/02/2026 17:08

Ignore your neighbour going forwards - if he tries to communicate with you in any way, tell him that he makes you feel uncomfortable and to stay away from you. He sounds creepy and what psycho watches from a window and does nothing to protect their property. Weird.

MikeRafone · 28/02/2026 17:08

it wasn't you driving the van, it wasn't actually anything to do with you. Next time don't get involved, its clear as you did it became your fault

Christmasinmecar · 28/02/2026 17:15

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 14:11

@Uticary @lazyarse123 @getearnow

The delivery driver was actually outside for about 20 minutes. The delivery driver was having a meltdown. He said he was new to this job. And he honestly looked like he was going to cry. So my ex was outside trying to calm him down.

So the driver was outside for about 20-25 minutes writing this note and filling out his insurance.

And yes, it does feel like my neighbour was testing me. Because he said he was waiting to see what I would do and how I would respond to it. Rather than him just coming outside to see what happened and dealing with the delivery driver himself.

Your neighbour was probably worried about confronting the delivery driver if truth beknown. A woman living on her own is not a potential threat.
What a spiness wanker he really is. It's not your problem anyway.

OCDmama · 28/02/2026 17:16

Why cry? He's an arsehole. Why would you let him talk to you like that?

Honestly you should have told him he's acting bizarrely and to get to fuck.

I think you need to build up your self esteem!

neighbourgate · 28/02/2026 17:25

thank you all for your comments. I think I just felt guilty and responsible because my exes car was parked there.

He was saying I shouldn’t let my ex park there. Even though many vans go past and can still fit through just fine. And it’s only once per week that my ex comes to pick up my daughter.

I think I just felt really guilty and did take responsibility. I apologised. This is a bit of a pattern of mine where I take more responsibility than I should for things.

And it just caught me off guard when he swore because he’s generally been nice to me, it was a surprise to hear him be so angry with me.

OP posts:
powersthatbe · 28/02/2026 17:27

So he sat and watched events unfold and did nothing about it…until the men had left, thn he got off his arse and unleashed his anger at a woman.
Call the spineless arse out on that if you see him again. And please waste no time worrying about this misogynistic pricks opinion of you.

Uticary · 28/02/2026 17:29

Please Please contact the police.
He watched like the scared little pathetic bully for 20+ minutes and then verbally attacks you?

You need to contact 101 znd make a report.
Tell them how scared and upset you are of him.

Pathetic arsehole hiding inside.

ASimpleLampoon · 28/02/2026 17:33

Why's he picking on you, not the delivery driver not your ex.

Oh yes, because youre a woman.

Be the bigger bitch, OP, make it not worth his while to pick on you.

UnhappyHobbit · 28/02/2026 17:33

So instead of trying to sort the issue there and then, he decided to act like a coward and watch from his window, putting the responsibility on you for sorting out the delivery driver for his damaged property?! Yeah, sounds logical that!
But it’s easier to have a go at a woman than it is to have a difficult conversation with another man. Not your problem OP, keep your distance from this dork.

Applespearsandpeaches · 28/02/2026 17:33

Alcoholtakingherlife · 28/02/2026 16:40

Is not OPs ex's fault either

Depends how he parked. Legally he’s not responsible but if he’s parked like a prat then I think he morally bears some responsibility. Whether a car or van can get past is irrelevant - can a fire engine?

Besafeeatcake · 28/02/2026 17:35

OP why are you letting your neighbours feelings dictate how you feel?

Nothing is on you. Not your car. Not your delivery van. Not your guttering.

You have involved yourself and have a victim mentality (sorry I know that’s harsh) by feeling bad abiut something that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

If your neighbour wants to act the way he is let him and walk away.

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