I don't think I am but... (family expenses)

[KnowtheAnswer]

DH and I have been married for ten years and together longer. We have young DC. I have signed the youngest up for a hobby, which is something I also do, and today I was looking to fill in the DD form. I asked him which of of two joint accounts we should use. He said neither because this hobby is nothing to do with him. I was surprised as one of the accounts is one we use for family expenses like clothes, food, days out, so that's the one he said I should use before then questioning why he is paying for this.

For context, we have a joint account for all the bills, into which we each pay 50% of the amount needed. We have a second joint account we each pay £500 into which we use for food, joint expenses, days out, meals, schools trips, anything we do together.

For further context, I am default parent as many mothers are, which means I usually book holiday club or book annual leave and then I arrange to take them out or see friends or just work with them at home if I really need to. If I take them out in the holidays or on weekends I generally pay on the basis it's, for example, a meal which I've had with them or met friends. I think there's an argument I shouldn't have to use my annual leave AND pay for entertaining the DC.

He has form for being an arse actually told me to go away and leave him alone when I tried to talk to him about this. I do believe he's unreasonable and a bit of a narcissist generally but is he right on this?

I think people have a reading comprehension problem. I didn't ask for permission. I thought it was already agreed DC would do the hobby and it would be a joint expense. I just asked if he had a preference which account I used as he usually balances the accounts to make sure there's enough money in there for the bills etc.

He’s wrong and this is financial abuse.

Why are these threads always so secretive about what the hobby actually is?!

So we are not outed or recognised from it. I thought that was obvious!

Surely only if it’s particularly weird or unusual!

Not necessarily. I'd rather just not give full details. Why do you need to know?

Because it ends up derailing the thread with people guessing when it's pointlessly annoying to try to hide something there's no need to hide.

If you really don't want to say what it is you'd be better off making something up rather than being coy about it. So if it's windsurfing and you think windsurfing is something outing just say rugby. Saying "hobby" riles people up because it comes across as pretentious to think it's so special that it's outing.

Maybe just stop going on about it 😂

This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I often think they can't be real - Surely you would tell him to fuck off and take the funds from whatever joint account you wanted.... joint means joint access. Just take the power away!

All DC expenses are joint. Everyone knows this. They are his DC too aren't they? The only reason just you would pay is if they are not his DC.

Unless said child is an immaculate conception, he/she is a joint expense.

Thanks everyone for the advice

Except people don’t RTFT and still ask what the hobby is. Does it really matter what it is? The question is about her husband saying OP should pay for it.

any expenses for your DC are always a joint cost. Both are equal parents with equal responsibility. You are NBU to assume the cost would come out of the account used for days out etc.

Doesn't matter to me, no. But the OP asked why it mattered to anyone so I was just explaining why being secretive about something there's no need to be secretive about tends to lead to threads derailing. And was then told to stop going on about it as if I was the poster who had asked in the first place.

Sorry I didn't mean to quote my previous reply when I said thank you!

Honestly not being pretentious but I don't think it's super common, also think I mentioned that I do it as well as the DC, and I am just paranoid someone would recognise me, which I don't want.