Struggling with response to friend re circumcision

[cultureclash]

A close friend of mine gave birth a week ago and she messaged me yesterday to tell me that her son has just been circumcised with crying faces and that she is an emotional wreck. I was shocked at this as it’s not something we have ever spoke about before so I enquired as to is her son ok and did he have some medical issues and she said no, cultural reasons. I kept the responses short and factual but Aibu that I struggled to show any compassion or empathy for her that she has just paid over £200 to have bits chopped off her precious newborn baby and she is more upset for herself than the pain that she has just put her newborn infant through. I am suprised at how strongly I have reacted to this, I just cannot imagine doing this to my baby. Aibu to feel like this? I obviously would never voice my opinions to her and cause upset but I am struggling with my own emotions around this.

None of us are powerless when it comes to children being harmed

My friend is from the US, married a man from a culture where this is normal at 7, and guess what? When her son was born she realised that she didn't want this done to her perfect little boy. And so they didn't do it. There is nothing normal about cutting off the healthy body parts of children and I'd have little sympathy for this woman.

It's genital mutilation and should be illegal for anything other than essential medical need.

It’s not dangerous. We’re allowed to disagree with a cultural practice.

FGM is rightly condemned, without anyone crying that we’re insinuating that those cultures are abusive.

I think we all understand that they do it to their children because they think it’s good, not because they think it’s bad.

Glad to see this comment. Either you are her friend or you are not. She’s just had a baby and she reached out to you for a chat and maybe some support. Now is the time to decide if you are her friend or not.

Ok so what does it mean? In terms of getting an outcome against child abusers?

I wouldn’t and didn’t do this to my son. Lots of people I know do. It’s pretty common place.
i think it’s good it was done as a newborn, I’ve seen my nephew writhing in agony at 6 years old.

Well, you are aren’t you? What will you achieve?

Do you mean Sectarian?

Circumcision is relatively common globally and well-studied. If it was found to be child abuse it would’ve been illegal. Especially, as it’s to do with a man’s body in a patriarchal world.

Is the father American, very common there

Whatever- do you have a point
or just a patronising desire to police language?

Yes, because men are never systemically abusive to young boys at all 😐

Not usually to their sons

I don't give a flying fck about culture or religion - it's brutalisation of an infant who has absolutely no choice in the matter. I'd be more than happy to see the practice made illegal.

I understand. I consider christening a form of child abuse. Throwing water on a baby’s head and making it cry, completely weird. Plus inducting it into a religion (that has a growing public record of institutionalised child abuse) before it has had any opportunity to make its own mind up. If any of my friends christened their child I would cut them off, after giving them a lecture about my moral superiority and how I could no longer associate with them due to their child abusing ways.

Yay for me!

My jewish husband has the same belief, luckily for him so did his parents.

Well, that's not true at all.

Besides, there's a certain amount of denial involved there - if a man who is circumcised decides against circumcision for his son, then he's admitting that being circumcised is less desirable than being uncircumcised. He generally won't want to do that.

There is an Aboriginal tribe in Australia where splitting the underside of the penile shaft open, permanently opening up the urethra, was standard - do you think that's not abusive either, because of patriarchy?

Happily, the child will dry out after being watered. An amputated part of the child's genitals will not grow back.

(That said, I am an atheist.)

I love how you’ve charmed your way through this thread.

Thanks 😁

I think the procedure should be illegal for non medical reasons, it’s horrific. My DH was circumcised for medication reasons aged 10 and he told me how awful it was, but this
’it seems this affected you more than you expected. Do you think you'd go through this again with another son?" And allow your friend to think about that.
is a perfect response.

I think it is abuse to cut off part of a person's body without their consent. Of course it is. How could it be viewed any other way. I'm sick of ' cultural' excuses being used for bad behaviour. I am not remotely racist and I'm sick of the two things being conflated.

I would need to take a step back and tell them why, because i see that as child abuse. It should be banned as a cosmetic thing and should only be carried out of medically required.

Always wondered why this is not considered as abusive as FGM 😞