Struggling with response to friend re circumcision

[cultureclash]

A close friend of mine gave birth a week ago and she messaged me yesterday to tell me that her son has just been circumcised with crying faces and that she is an emotional wreck. I was shocked at this as it’s not something we have ever spoke about before so I enquired as to is her son ok and did he have some medical issues and she said no, cultural reasons. I kept the responses short and factual but Aibu that I struggled to show any compassion or empathy for her that she has just paid over £200 to have bits chopped off her precious newborn baby and she is more upset for herself than the pain that she has just put her newborn infant through. I am suprised at how strongly I have reacted to this, I just cannot imagine doing this to my baby. Aibu to feel like this? I obviously would never voice my opinions to her and cause upset but I am struggling with my own emotions around this.

See I disagree - the more people express horror at other people purposefully harming their own children, the better

My son had it for medical reasons. I cannot understand why anyone would willingly put their child through that. Awful.

It might do, depending on the culture. In some places circumcision is done at party at about age 7. So I can see why she might have this done as the lesser of 2 evils, better to do it as a baby.

I don't agree with it but I can understand it.

I agree. So why is it irrelevant to know who is doing this to their babies?

Poor baby. Personally I would be worried that if she only paid £200, it wasn't done by a surgeon in a hospital. A private 20 min appt with a consultant costs at least that, a surgical procedure would be much more. Is there a chance there is coercive control from her partner, if this is out of character for her?

I think you can disagree with something and also stfu in front of your friend who has just chosen to pay for a legal procedure on a baby she has decision making authority over.

please don’t let mumsnet validate you ending the friendship and / or having a go at her. That’s just childish.

Child abuse is everybody’s business

I feel like it OP was talking about a baby girl people wouldn’t be saying this.

I do feel like MN sells little boys down the river sometimes

Or they could not do it at all?

I am sick of “cultural beliefs” being used to do indefensible things which pretty much always seem to affect women and children rather than men.

Umpteen cultures do this, including most US citizens. How does singling one out help?

It’s not when it’s a personal opinion about something that the authorities do not define as child abuse

So it is touchy

It's no different from Satanists bifurcating their newborn's tongue. No religious exemptions for child abuse.

Decent people define it as child abuse

Not to mention it’s only legal when done in the correct approved medical setting. No chance £200 has bought them the safest mutilation possible

And given that not long ago a baby boy died having this procedure, I don’t expect it to be legal for much longer

You have strong emotions about this, are they strong enough to end a friendship? Or could you put them to one side in this instance?
From what you've told us
Your friend is very upset about it, maybe she believed or was told that it wouldn't be a big deal and she is shocked at the reality
Her partner pushed for it, maybe she feels stupid or annoyed at herself for letting him dictate this
It's done now, so whatever advice you give about your own feelings won't be able to effect any change of course for her

It's the same as FGM, but it's regarded as too sensitive to discuss in the uk, as it touches issues of "cultural diversity".

No, it's not. What are you trying to achieve here?

It depends what the purpose is of the conversation is. If you want to change someone’s mind re child 2, for example, understanding why they did it to child 1 is helpful.
Then express the horror when you know the facts.

It doesn’t matter what you or decent people define as child abuse

Unless it meets the authorities view of child abuse there is nothing you can do, and your opinion is meaningless.

So how is it “everyone’s business”- what does that platitude actually mean in reality?

Except no one is going to circumcise the child without the parents' consent. So she could've just said no, and protected her child.

Although I do have some sympathy (not a lot) if she's in an abusive relationship, and was pressured or coerced by the baby's father.

It clearly is.

just when you thought America couldn’t get more fucked up…

I think sit with it for a while. Even if you are horrified with her choice she is still freshly postpartum and in a fragile place.
Doesn't mean you have to agree but it won't help anyone now to call her out on it at this stage. It's done.

I think I'd just change the topic if she brings it up again, if she persists suggest you're probably not the best person to discuss it with and ask if she has tried the health visitor.

And give yourself time to process your own feelings about it. Poor wee chap.

I imagine a dodgy back door mutilation IS defined as child abuse actually
Martial rape was legal until 1993 - so did you agree it was OK in 1992 because you can’t imagine disagreeing with something that is legal?

So how is it “everyone’s business”- what does that platitude actually mean in reality?

Youre SO right - let’s just go back to the days of everyone ignoring child abuse (even that not considered illegal at the time) around them, in care homes, churches and households. Was so much better when people just STFU so that children could be raped in private.

On a serious note - REALLY.
Why do you think we have safeguarding? How ISNT child abuse everyone’s business

What country are you in?