Struggling with response to friend re circumcision

[cultureclash]

A close friend of mine gave birth a week ago and she messaged me yesterday to tell me that her son has just been circumcised with crying faces and that she is an emotional wreck. I was shocked at this as it’s not something we have ever spoke about before so I enquired as to is her son ok and did he have some medical issues and she said no, cultural reasons. I kept the responses short and factual but Aibu that I struggled to show any compassion or empathy for her that she has just paid over £200 to have bits chopped off her precious newborn baby and she is more upset for herself than the pain that she has just put her newborn infant through. I am suprised at how strongly I have reacted to this, I just cannot imagine doing this to my baby. Aibu to feel like this? I obviously would never voice my opinions to her and cause upset but I am struggling with my own emotions around this.

Yawn.

Sorry OP to go back to your original question about how to respond, when I am having difficulty understanding how to frame my own principles with someone who has acted outside of them I find it useful to think about the Buddhist rules for right speech:
Is it true
Is it kind
Is it useful
Is it timely
Is it neccessary

So looking at your situation, the truth is you wouldn't do this yourself. The kindness is to acknowledge how upset she is. But to criticise that decision wouldn't be useful or timely as the act has already passed. Is it neccessary to explain your personal views to someone who is upset? I'm not sure it is, except to say "it seems this affected you more than you expected. Do you think you'd go through this again with another son?" And allow your friend to think about that.

UK

Yeah genital mutiliation is sooooo boring

The fact Americans do it is neither here nor there. Their healthcare system is just about making money, and the reason American parents do it to their bay boys is for fear of them being different. Then again this is a country that elected a rapist President. Twice. And this week have relentlessly bullied a disabled man because they’re apparently too thick to understand what Tourette’s is. Let’s not use them as an example of a civilised people.

Just message back I don’t agree with it so rather than fall out best we don’t talk about it

She’s trying to get you to say MUSLIM OR JEWISH so she can be racist

Oh blimey, thought you woul say US. I would judge.

Indeed. But I'm not playing.

Wha absolute tosh. Male circumsion is not currently defined as child abuse and whatever happens in the future is irrelevant.

the whole point of it being none of your business is that there is no safeguarding issue

Globally, 38% of males are thought to be circumcised.

I’ve seen estimates of 71% - 80% for the USA, and (taken from the University of Sydney’s research study linked below), New Zealand (33 per cent), Australia (27 per cent), the UK (21 per cent), France (14 per cent), Germany (11 per cent), Sweden (5 per cent), Italy (3 per cent) and Ireland (1 per cent), Iran (100 per cent), Iraq (99 per cent), West Bank (99 per cent), Yemen (99 per cent), Indonesia (93 per cent), Syria (93 per cent), and Israel (92 per cent).

https://www.sydney.edu.au/news-opinion/news/2016/03/08/male-circumcision--1-in-3-globally-but-almost-universal-in-musli.html#:~:text=The%20estimate%20indicates%20that%20circumcision,this%2C%E2%80%9D%20said%20Professor%20Morris.

Yanbu and I'd tell her she was barking up the wrong tree for sympathy. She chose to have it done.

It's not the same as FGM.

I would mind your own business if you value your friendship.

Male Genital Mutilation is child abuse and should be banned.

The only way my baby would ever be mutilated is over my cold, dead body.

Circumcision for religious or cultural reasons is something people should be able to make up their own minds about when they are adults, in the same way adults can make up their own minds about having tattoos or cosmetic surgery.

It's done now. I'd be concerned about shutting her out for the reason mentioned above, that her husband has made a decision about her child that she didn't agree with and she was pressured into it. If that's the case, she may need you in her life. I wouldn't lie about my feelings, but I wouldn't add to her upset. She told you about it. Let her keep talking.

For people saying it’s the same as FGM - Shame on you. You’re either extremely ignorant or willfully peddling a lie.

Yes, change is famously achieved by shutting up and ignoring problems.

Agree. It’s barbaric to perform elective surgery on a few days old baby

You’re so right. It’s actually achieved by powerless people ranting on mumsnet whenever the opportunity arises and doing absolutely nothing else

True.

But for the sake of argument it is done at 7 in culture X and in country X.

Any visit to that country will have aunts and uncles and in particular grandparents planing the party.

You would have to never visit country X from when you child was about 5.

Or if you do visit you can't let the relatives baby sit, you would have to watch him like hawk.

Also on visits to culture X he may have cousins getting excited saying he should be 'done' too. In country X circumcision is not done by anyone with medical knowledge and dogy hygiene practices.

As I said I can understand it.

Male circumcision and FGM are two wildly different things. You can disagree with both, but they really, really do not compare at all.

FGM cuts off the entire clitoris, and in some cases sews the flesh around it.

Male circumcision cuts of an excess flap of skin. To be equivalent to FGM, it would have to be the whole head of the penis being cut off.

A male can go his whole life and never have to think about whether he was circumcised, whereas a victim of FGM would suffer her entire life with medical and sexual problems.

I find any kind of harm to an infant so cruel wether it be a circumsision or even getting their ears pierced as the parent should be protecting their child from harm, my friend had all 3 of her boys circumsised just after birth as it was her husband's faith, I think now she regrets this but she knows my views on it , it's so hard to see a friend make that kind of decision but she did say her son's did have injections first to numb the area not that I think that should justify it, my husband was circumsised at 18 and my son at 22 they both say they wished they had of had it done as a baby as they both suffered with a foreskin, so with that in mind I'm not sure on my stance.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ce3gxkn453ro This was in the news this morning. I noticed FGM mentioned but not non-medical circumcision... I think we should stop doing both. I watched a doc recently on the use of surgery to 'correct' DSD genital variations, that needs to be included too. I'd love to know what it is about some humans that think we can improve on the human body and just start cutting. I can't understand it.

Let’s call it what it is, genital mutilation of a new born. Unless there was a medial need there is absolutely no reason on earth to be hacking off bits of a humans body.

Thank you for laying it out. Both are awful, AND they are not the same. We can be against both without saying they are equivalent.