Struggling with response to friend re circumcision

[cultureclash]

A close friend of mine gave birth a week ago and she messaged me yesterday to tell me that her son has just been circumcised with crying faces and that she is an emotional wreck. I was shocked at this as it’s not something we have ever spoke about before so I enquired as to is her son ok and did he have some medical issues and she said no, cultural reasons. I kept the responses short and factual but Aibu that I struggled to show any compassion or empathy for her that she has just paid over £200 to have bits chopped off her precious newborn baby and she is more upset for herself than the pain that she has just put her newborn infant through. I am suprised at how strongly I have reacted to this, I just cannot imagine doing this to my baby. Aibu to feel like this? I obviously would never voice my opinions to her and cause upset but I am struggling with my own emotions around this.

Because no one ever who is subject to any form of spousal abuse ever had children...

Yes those with children should protect them, but those with children, especially babes in arms are at their most vulnerable.

We dont know if she is subject to any abuse, absolutely correct, but my initial comment was enquiring because she had said there was pressure from him to do it; it was cultural and along with her regret and emotional state made me think it might be a factor.

So much drama from OP and others about a perfectly common practice for billions of men across the world.

Oh well that’s okay then. 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

It is.

A lot of things are very common. That doesn't mean they're good.

For instance, children working in dangerous factories used to be common, and I'm sure many people of the time defended it. But now we know that's Not Great.

Absolutely this. A foreskin is not a congenital defect like a hare lip that needs to be corrected ffs.

Whether it’s good or not is subjective. I’m not sure you can decide what’s good for billions of people on the planet.

I see. So you're trying an argumentum ad populentum? I'm afraid that'd be fallacious, so not very persuasive.

And you think whether or not it's good to amputate part of a non-consenting child's genitals for non-medical reasons, to be subjective? How is it good to unnecessarily amputate any functional part of a baby, let alone part of their genitals? Is chopping off their ear lobes okay? Or a male baby's nipples (they're unnecessary after all)?

We don't even allow cats to be declawed because it's too cruel, or dog's ears and tails to be clipped/docked, but cutting off part of a human child's genitalia is just fine?

Frankly, I don't think you're qualified to be discussing this.

Nor are you.

I'm not the one who thinks children should have less right to bodily integrity than a dog.

Who thinks that? You’re the one going on about dogs or something or other.

Otterly - are you trying to show off your GCSE in logic? As has been mentioned, in many countries and even some places in Britain, such as where I live, this would be perfectly normal - in fact, it would be considered weird if it weren't done. The OP's friend's partner obviously has his reasons - maybe she had agreed it as part of the arrangements when they got married, and it is pretty silly for the rest of us to speculate.

@samG76 But why is it weird if baby boys aren't circumcised where you live? I've never heard of it being the norm in the UK, except in religious communities. No one ever mentioned it when I was pregnant with DS. If they had I'd have thought that was weird, as I'm neither Jewish nor Muslim.

Sapphire - where I live a majority of kids are Jewish, Muslim, African, or otherwise likely to have it done. Our NCT class even had a session on it because most of the parents wanted it done, and the local hospital gave us a list of recommended practitioners. I'm not wildly enthusiastic about it, but I do go along when invited, and I genuinely don't think it does boys any harm.

Oh well if you think it doesn't do boys any harm that's ok then isnt it. Just out of interest do you think the children who die are harmed
Or the cases when someone slips and the boy loses his penis, is that harmful?

So widespread = good to you?

Hm.

And would you feel the same way about removing a girl infant's clitoral hood? As it is exactly equivalent in terms of body part, it should be fine then, right?

I think it's hilarious and sad that you believe amputating a healthy body part doesn't do any harm, just because lots of people do it.

I was quite clear.

Dogs in the UK have more right to bodily integrity, and more protection from cosmetic bodily modification, than actual human boys. It's illegal to crop a dog's ears or dock their tail, because it's acknowledged that's unnecessarily cruel mutilation, but it's legal to forcibly separate a boy's foreskin from the glans at a point when the two are still sealed together, and amputate it, causing pain and the loss of a body part, and risking infection, further accidental injury of the penis, or death.

What priorities.

As a man ( un-circumcised) I am 100% glad my parents did not allow anyone to perform an unecessary procedure on me in the name of all the spurious reasons ( religion, health etc) that have been mentioned on here. Leave kids alone, they are independent people who we , as parents, are charged with looking after, we do not OWN them and think we should be allowed to modify them like we do to our house or car.

Sounds like your friend may need support, if her ds was circumcised against her will.

Does common = right? Rape, child marriage & FGM are also common.

Is child marriage being good or bad also subjective? Or children not being educated? Or FGM?

So the fact that 'it's cultural' means she's more likely to be abused? Quite an assumption.

No, The pressure from him to do it - was the main identifier leading to the question. What with her being post partum and vulnerable.

I really do not think you can compare the two