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Original poster

My friend has driven off and left her toddler with me after I refused to babysit…

773 replies

DojaPussy · 27/02/2026 14:15

I have been friends with “Claire” for 10 years, I have no children and she has 4.

Claire struggles with all the children and her DH left her when she was pregnant with the youngest “Barry” who is only 2.
He didn’t want more than 2 kids but a mixture of pressure and “contraceptive failures” led to number 3 where he tried to cope but issued an ultimatum about any more and booked a vasectomy as he said he couldn’t risk Claire getting pregnant on the contraceptive injection again.
Before he could go ahead with it baby Barry was on his way so he packed his bags and left, he sees the two eldest but not the youngest two now.
Claire has only ever half heartedly tried to deny it was on purpose and just said she was 40 and desperately wanted another and was nearly out of time.

Claire is constantly asking me for help with childcare and I’ve helped a bit over the years but I hate it because she’s very soft with the kids and they are a nightmare to look after and I didn’t choose not to have my own to help raise someone else’s!

I’ve been off work this week and have been having a lovely relaxing time with long lie - ins, going to the gym, the hairdresser, seeing friends, hiking and just enjoying free time.
I was supposed to go away for a short break but finances wouldn’t allow it so I’m trying to make up for that with other little treats.
I have a pedicure booked today at 3.45 at local spa hotel round the corner and bought a day pass to use the gym and pool facilities then was meeting a friend for dinner in the hotel restaurant.

Claire asked yesterday if I could look after Barry today because she “has an appointment” I suspect its meeting someone she’s been dating because she’s mentioned before that he works from home Friday mornings then finishes early and she wouldn’t elaborate on the appointment except to say “it’s important”.
I said no I wasn’t watching Barry and told her my plans, she said he could come along and I said absolutely not it wouldn’t be allowed!
She begged me to change plans but I said I’d lose money and I won’t get a chance or have the time to go for a long time - plus I just don’t want to.
Claire slammed the phone down and I thought she had got message.

She turned up at my house about half an hour ago to apologise and I let her in and we had a little chat and after 15 minutes she started begging me to babysit again, I said no again and she started crying hysterically saying she can’t cope anymore, she’s then walked off to her car and got in it and has driven off!

I think the whole performance was planned and I’m not wasting my plans being manipulated into childcare.

I have a few options and looking for advice on what people think I should do next…

I could take Barry to his dads at work but that seems unfair on him,

Take him to her sisters who works from home (another frequent reluctant target for babysitting) in the hope she is in,

take him to my neighbour who is a childminder and see if I can pay her to mind him (and get reimbursed off Claire) I know Claire would normally be against this as she usually doesn’t like leaving kids with people she doesn’t know but after today’s antics I’m not sure she’ll care.

I have so far text Claire and left messages saying I’m ringing the police if she doesn’t come back and if the other options fail how unreasonable would it be to do that? I thought I’d give her half an hour where I have typed out this post and I’ve text her parents and I’m waiting to hear back from them in the hope one of them might be free to collect him.

I’m guessing all the people above have been asked and refused so that makes it trickier.

I’m seething with anger and can’t believe she’s done this. It’s the sort of thing that’s in cheeky fucked legend but you don’t think anyone would do in real life!
It’s lucky we live in a small village where I know most of Claire’s friends and family because if I don’t track someone down Barry is getting dropped at the police station. I’ve wasted so much time on this already.

Changed my name not to be outing but tbh I don’t care if the situation is outing because if Claire didn’t want people to know what’s she’s done then she shouldn’t have done it.

OP posts:
Caiti19 · 28/02/2026 04:03

I haven't read whole thread, but have read enough to know I would cut all contact with Claire in your shoes.

SpidersAreShitheads · 28/02/2026 04:09

This is such a mad belief.

Certainly there are women out there who might be careless or unaware that protection can be affected by antibiotics or stomach upsets etc. But there are plenty of women who take the Pill exactly as prescribed and still fall pregnant - myself included. Twice.

The first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage and the second one led to my beautiful DC, twins, now 16 years old.

My dad had a genetic condition that I hadn’t been tested for. I did not want to be pregnant. I was so, so careful but fell pregnant twice within the same year after many years of using the Pill without a problem.

I actually went for a termination but couldn’t go through with it.

I cannot emphasise just how careful I was - most other contraception methods were ruled out for a variety of medical reasons. I thought I’d be fine “because 99% effective”…..

Are we really still in an age where women are still not being believed - it must be their fault, right?!!

Being overweight can reduce the effectiveness.

Around 5% of women have a gene variant that can reduce the effectiveness.

Certain medical conditions - even without medication - can reduce the effectiveness.

Having a naturally fast metabolism can reduce the effectiveness.

I used the Pill for a very long time without a problem - but something was very clearly different in my body in that year I fell pregnant twice.

I don’t know why you think I’m incapable of taking the Pill as prescribed? It’s quite insulting tbh.

JayJayj · 28/02/2026 04:21

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 28/02/2026 00:29

I personally don't believe people who claim the pill failed.
It never failed me once in decades.
I do believe a lot of women claim the pill failed when it fact they forgot to take it.
That's why I prefer the coil - it should be the one recommended for vulnerable women or those with mental health issues.

I think it's facetious and unhelpful to keep saying men should also use a condom. It is the most unreliable contraceptive on the market.

I used condoms at the start of my relationship and ended up pregnant.
It stayed in when he pulled out.
That has to happen a lot.
I never relied on one ever again.

I do think men should book a vasectomy as soon as they have the number of children they want but the waiting lists are far too long - 18 months depending on where you live. I know 3 men who have had one so things are going in the right direction. Much more advertising is needed for this and there should be a dedicated appointment for fathers-to-be to cover this option and educate them on the high risk of pregnancy within one month of giving birth, etc.
Men do not get the same level of information or education on contraception.

This particular woman looks like she is trying to get pregnant for a 5th time with a new boyfriend...

Social services should be dealing with that reality head on and not tippy toeing around her. She is mentally ill or delinquent and she is already not coping with the four children she chose to bring into the world. She needs to get her tubes tied or the coil inserted otherwise she will keeping bringing more children into the world that she is incapable of looking after and all of them will be neglected and vulnerable.

Her ex also needs to step up and be a father to his four children.

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My cousin fell pregnant with the coil fitted! Now what?

ZyRidian · 28/02/2026 05:10

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You are a right royal fool.
Is this how you run your family? Expecting others to pitch in for your choices?
I'm gobsmacked at your post. You're either Claire, a man or an equally useless parent that pops out kids to live off benefits and expects everyone you know to raise your kids.
You should be ashamed and you need more peoole like the OP around calling you out for your actions and bad parenting.
What an absolute fool. Having kids is a choice and no one else is responsible for your choice, you feeloading burden to society.

kkloo · 28/02/2026 05:18

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 28/02/2026 00:29

I personally don't believe people who claim the pill failed.
It never failed me once in decades.
I do believe a lot of women claim the pill failed when it fact they forgot to take it.
That's why I prefer the coil - it should be the one recommended for vulnerable women or those with mental health issues.

I think it's facetious and unhelpful to keep saying men should also use a condom. It is the most unreliable contraceptive on the market.

I used condoms at the start of my relationship and ended up pregnant.
It stayed in when he pulled out.
That has to happen a lot.
I never relied on one ever again.

I do think men should book a vasectomy as soon as they have the number of children they want but the waiting lists are far too long - 18 months depending on where you live. I know 3 men who have had one so things are going in the right direction. Much more advertising is needed for this and there should be a dedicated appointment for fathers-to-be to cover this option and educate them on the high risk of pregnancy within one month of giving birth, etc.
Men do not get the same level of information or education on contraception.

This particular woman looks like she is trying to get pregnant for a 5th time with a new boyfriend...

Social services should be dealing with that reality head on and not tippy toeing around her. She is mentally ill or delinquent and she is already not coping with the four children she chose to bring into the world. She needs to get her tubes tied or the coil inserted otherwise she will keeping bringing more children into the world that she is incapable of looking after and all of them will be neglected and vulnerable.

Her ex also needs to step up and be a father to his four children.

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Do you only believe things can happen if they happen to you? 🤔

Lincolnlemons · 28/02/2026 05:24

Changename12 · 28/02/2026 03:41

I am also skeptical about people who say the pill failed. maybe they forgot to take it or take additional contraceptives when they were on antibiotics etc.
I was lucky enough to get get pregnant twice and both times it was as soon as we tried. I didn’t have any more children because I took the pill and went by the instructions.

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That’s us told

Monty27 · 28/02/2026 05:34

Child abandonment is serious crime isn't it ?
@DojaPussyI hope all goes well for the children.

Lampzade · 28/02/2026 05:34

Something similar happened to me
Dh’s cousin had four dcs ( at the time they were all under the age of 10) . The father of the DCs had left her.
We lived in Kent at the time . Dh and I were not yet married
Dh’s cousin phoned him up said that she needed someone to take care of her DCs for one night because she had a job interview in Manchester the next day.

Dh said that it wasn’t possible as both of us were working and couldn’t take time off at such short notice
That evening she phoned dh and asked if he was at home . He told her that he was
Ten minutes later the door bell rang , I opened the door to be greeted by dh’s cousin’s four dcs holding rucksacks .
She had left her dcs. . Dh was furious, but there wasn’t much we could do and I thought it would only be for a night
She returned seven days later . Apparently she hadn’t travelled to Manchester for a job , she had gone to meet her new boyfriend .
To add insult to injury when she returned she didn’t even thank me for looking after her four dcs .
Dh and his cousin no longer talk

Peonyperfection · 28/02/2026 05:35

So by arranging for her mother to have Barry, you actually made her life easier. Her mum had probably said no multiple times already. But you’ve just arranged child care for her and no doubt in her mind ‘nothing bad happened’. I’m not convinced she’s struggling or it’s about her mental health (although parenting for kids must be incredibly hard) I think she’s just selfish. She was selfish to have 4 children when her partner clearly wasn’t going to be supportive and now she’s being selfish because she wants to see her new man.

She may well try this again, after all you’ve just arranged her childcare for the day.

HelplessSoul · 28/02/2026 05:39

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Maybe if Claire the CUNT kept her fucking legs closed, she wouldnt struggle with kids that she dumps on other people.

The OP messed up here as well - OP should have taken Barry and dumped him at the Police station.

That would have been a wake up call for CuntyClaire.

Coventgardengirl · 28/02/2026 06:29

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And we have found Claire …..

loislovesstewie · 28/02/2026 06:36

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The OP has chosen not to have children. How she spends her free time is her choice. She can say 'no' to any thing she doesn't want to do.
She isn't obliged to be a free babysitter.

PandorasJam · 28/02/2026 06:44

Well done OP, I think you handled this really well.

scoobydeedoo · 28/02/2026 06:54

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Looks like Claire found the thread 👀

anterenea · 28/02/2026 07:15

SquirrelMadness · 27/02/2026 23:18

He didn't know the how high the risk of pregnancy was though, if she tells him she's on contraception and she isn't then the risks are much higher than he might reasonably believe. She lied to him.

I'm not defending him abandoning two of his children, that's clearly wrong. But lying to your partner about what contraception you are taking is absolutely wrong too, it's coercive. I have a very low opinion of anyone who lies to their partner in this way.

As an example, I am currently on the pill. Myself and my partner have both decided not to use condoms together as I'm on the pill and it's got a pretty low failure rate if it's taken perfectly. My partner doesn't watch me take the pill every day, that would be weird and controlling. He trusts me to let him know if I decide to stop taking it, it would be a joint decision. A healthy relationship needs to have that trust.

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I am in the same scenario as you but i've told my partner to get a vasectomy - he hasn't yet. he is so adamant he doesn't want a fifth child but relies on me, the cognitive dissonance is baffling and very amusing

anterenea · 28/02/2026 07:20

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 27/02/2026 23:46

He had sex in the mistaken belief Claire was using contraception.

I had sex with my husband without a condom when I was on the pill.
There was no need for one.
That was a joint decision.

It would have been utterly deceitful of me to stop taking the pill in order to get pregnant without telling my husband.
That would be IPV.
It does work both ways.
The women who do this are deceitful, manipulative, dishonest and not very bright because they are ruining the trust element of their relationship.

What you are claiming is that a man who has sex with a woman takes the risk she will get pregnant every time.
That's fine if she is not taking contraception (and they both know it).
The pill or coil is very effective when used properly.
A condom is not.
It has a high failure rate and is mainly useful in casual relationships for reducing the risk of STDs. I would not recommend anyone use a condom over the pill or a coil. The risk of getting pregnant is far too high.

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So men have zero agency when it comes to reproduction? Gosh can we stop making excuses for them? Every time a man has sex with a man who ovulates, there is a risk of pregnancy full stop. He did NOT not want children, at least he was clear on that, then do something about it man! The atmosphere at home wasn't one of open communication and loving trust anyway, that leads me to conclude he is an idiot

mindutopia · 28/02/2026 07:21

OP, I think you’ve handled this as gracefully as possible. However, I would encourage you to still make a report to SS. YOU may think the grandmother can keep them safe, but grandparents have no formal rights. She could be cut off too. The kids could be left with new boyfriend’s coke dealer mate next time because she’s afraid of her mum finding out how often she does this.

It’s not for you to make a determination if they are safe. SS will do that and can signpost to support and will engage with their dad too. It may be the fire under his bum that he needs to step up and be a decent father. These kids need to be on SS radar by the sounds of it, and you may be the only person who cares enough to help them.

Aprilrosesews · 28/02/2026 07:23

I know you don’t want to but you need to call social services. They might be able to give her the support she needs and protect the children from being abandoned again

Worldwide2 · 28/02/2026 07:23

@Gambino1726 Hi Claire 👋 don't dump YOUR kids on other ppl. They are your responsibility not everyone else's.

AfternoonTeaAddict · 28/02/2026 07:27

Good on you for blocking this waste of space, disgrace of a person.

AncoraAmarena · 28/02/2026 07:29

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 28/02/2026 00:45

The pill is 99% effective provided you remember to take it every day.
It is less effective than the coil because many women forget to take it.

The coil is consistently 99% effective because it doesn't rely on the user.

Condoms are only 82% effective (not very reliable at all - and when you add in alcohol - pretty useless).

https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/choosing-contraception/how-well-it-works-at-preventing-pregnancy/

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The pill is 99% effective provided you remember to take it every day.

So you yourself state that for one percent of women it isnt effective, which is a much higher sample size than your solo one.

FML. 😂

MaryMaggot · 28/02/2026 07:31

LVhandbagsatdawn · 27/02/2026 14:22

Given there is a father, grandparents, and other extended family it is highly unlikely the children would be taken into care. Taken off the mother perhaps after relevant steps taken, but it would be extremely odd to put them all into care straight away.

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They absolutely would not be ‘put in to care’. The police also won’t attend because it’s not abandonment in the criminal sense.

Babyincomingsoon · 28/02/2026 07:32

If this thread is real you really need to inform social services @DojaPussy.

Abandonment is neglect. Permissive parenting is neglect. You can’t rely on Claire’s mother to make sure these children are well cared for. SS will check on their welfare and support Claire to better care for them.

You are complicit in neglect if you don’t report this.

Notsosweetcaroline · 28/02/2026 07:32

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Nothing better than logging on on a sat morning to read something as batshit as this. Sigh,

MaryMaggot · 28/02/2026 07:44

Tillow4ever · 27/02/2026 14:45

You don’t think someone choosing to abandon their child with someone who has categorically stated they do not want to look after that child, and has no legal obligation to do so anyway, is a reason to contact the police? You do understand child abandonment is a crime?

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It’s not abandonment in the criminal sense.