My friend has driven off and left her toddler with me after I refused to babysit…

[DojaPussy]

I have been friends with “Claire” for 10 years, I have no children and she has 4.

Claire struggles with all the children and her DH left her when she was pregnant with the youngest “Barry” who is only 2.
He didn’t want more than 2 kids but a mixture of pressure and “contraceptive failures” led to number 3 where he tried to cope but issued an ultimatum about any more and booked a vasectomy as he said he couldn’t risk Claire getting pregnant on the contraceptive injection again.
Before he could go ahead with it baby Barry was on his way so he packed his bags and left, he sees the two eldest but not the youngest two now.
Claire has only ever half heartedly tried to deny it was on purpose and just said she was 40 and desperately wanted another and was nearly out of time.

Claire is constantly asking me for help with childcare and I’ve helped a bit over the years but I hate it because she’s very soft with the kids and they are a nightmare to look after and I didn’t choose not to have my own to help raise someone else’s!

I’ve been off work this week and have been having a lovely relaxing time with long lie - ins, going to the gym, the hairdresser, seeing friends, hiking and just enjoying free time.
I was supposed to go away for a short break but finances wouldn’t allow it so I’m trying to make up for that with other little treats.
I have a pedicure booked today at 3.45 at local spa hotel round the corner and bought a day pass to use the gym and pool facilities then was meeting a friend for dinner in the hotel restaurant.

Claire asked yesterday if I could look after Barry today because she “has an appointment” I suspect its meeting someone she’s been dating because she’s mentioned before that he works from home Friday mornings then finishes early and she wouldn’t elaborate on the appointment except to say “it’s important”.
I said no I wasn’t watching Barry and told her my plans, she said he could come along and I said absolutely not it wouldn’t be allowed!
She begged me to change plans but I said I’d lose money and I won’t get a chance or have the time to go for a long time - plus I just don’t want to.
Claire slammed the phone down and I thought she had got message.

She turned up at my house about half an hour ago to apologise and I let her in and we had a little chat and after 15 minutes she started begging me to babysit again, I said no again and she started crying hysterically saying she can’t cope anymore, she’s then walked off to her car and got in it and has driven off!

I think the whole performance was planned and I’m not wasting my plans being manipulated into childcare.

I have a few options and looking for advice on what people think I should do next…

I could take Barry to his dads at work but that seems unfair on him,

Take him to her sisters who works from home (another frequent reluctant target for babysitting) in the hope she is in,

take him to my neighbour who is a childminder and see if I can pay her to mind him (and get reimbursed off Claire) I know Claire would normally be against this as she usually doesn’t like leaving kids with people she doesn’t know but after today’s antics I’m not sure she’ll care.

I have so far text Claire and left messages saying I’m ringing the police if she doesn’t come back and if the other options fail how unreasonable would it be to do that? I thought I’d give her half an hour where I have typed out this post and I’ve text her parents and I’m waiting to hear back from them in the hope one of them might be free to collect him.

I’m guessing all the people above have been asked and refused so that makes it trickier.

I’m seething with anger and can’t believe she’s done this. It’s the sort of thing that’s in cheeky fucked legend but you don’t think anyone would do in real life!
It’s lucky we live in a small village where I know most of Claire’s friends and family because if I don’t track someone down Barry is getting dropped at the police station. I’ve wasted so much time on this already.

Changed my name not to be outing but tbh I don’t care if the situation is outing because if Claire didn’t want people to know what’s she’s done then she shouldn’t have done it.

He was slow to realise he was with someone who saw him and children as a meal ticket to never having to work again.

And if you think about it, if he only sees the two eldest, he has rejected not just Barry but another child who was already born and in the home when he was STILL sleeping with their mother.

It defies belief ...

The NHS needs to advertise vasectomies more and bring down the waiting list from 18 months to 1 month. Also, women who are pregnant with a second child should be offered an IUD immediately after given birth to prevent any more coming along quickly. People with mental health issues or chaotic lifestyles tend not to be very good at using contraception.

I know I am a terrible awful friend…
Surprised at the “mum shaming” allegation when the mum in question was acting pretty shamefully and deserved it, are you defending her actions?

A friend who has babysat on multiple occasions,
lent hundreds of pounds and never expected it back,
Gone round to her house at the drop of a hat when she’s upset and listen to her cry and rant when I’ve had my own problems going on,
Bought her kids birthday and Christmas presents, helped buy a Christmas tree and decorate the house when Claire said she was too depressed to do it, wrapped all the presents, took Claire and the kids to see Santa and helped her buy the presents from Santa when she was struggling for money,
Taken the two eldest for days out and even a weekend away because they weren’t getting as much attention as the little ones.

I’m not bothered about having my “minge waxed” (as you so tastefully describe it) as I’m not the one going round chasing after cock when I have children that need caring for!

If I didn’t know better I’d say this was Claire…
If it is you Claire then can you bring my black cashmere jumper back please? 😆.

"I’m not bothered about having my “minge waxed” (as you so tastefully describe it) as I’m not the one going round chasing after cock when I have children that need caring for!"

Best comeback ever.Today you win the internet😊

I personally don't believe people who claim the pill failed.
It never failed me once in decades.
I do believe a lot of women claim the pill failed when it fact they forgot to take it.
That's why I prefer the coil - it should be the one recommended for vulnerable women or those with mental health issues.

I think it's facetious and unhelpful to keep saying men should also use a condom. It is the most unreliable contraceptive on the market.

I used condoms at the start of my relationship and ended up pregnant.
It stayed in when he pulled out.
That has to happen a lot.
I never relied on one ever again.

I do think men should book a vasectomy as soon as they have the number of children they want but the waiting lists are far too long - 18 months depending on where you live. I know 3 men who have had one so things are going in the right direction. Much more advertising is needed for this and there should be a dedicated appointment for fathers-to-be to cover this option and educate them on the high risk of pregnancy within one month of giving birth, etc.
Men do not get the same level of information or education on contraception.

This particular woman looks like she is trying to get pregnant for a 5th time with a new boyfriend...

Social services should be dealing with that reality head on and not tippy toeing around her. She is mentally ill or delinquent and she is already not coping with the four children she chose to bring into the world. She needs to get her tubes tied or the coil inserted otherwise she will keeping bringing more children into the world that she is incapable of looking after and all of them will be neglected and vulnerable.

Her ex also needs to step up and be a father to his four children.

@DojaPussy "I’m not the one going round chasing after cock when I have children that need caring for!"

You really should've said that to your awful "friend" before you blocked her😂

I personally don't believe people who claim the pill failed.It never failed me once in decades.

🤦‍♀️

Good grief. 🤣

Sample size of one. You know your experience isn't universal right?

We used condoms and I'm hyper-fertile. They never once failed us. It was our only contraception since I have problems with the hormones in other types. A private vasectomy isn't that expensive. It can be saved for. That's what we did. It's certainly cheaper than a baby. Anything can fail. Even ones you can't forget like implants, IUDs, vasectomies, tubals, to name some, can and do fail. Sex can equal baby. Even if you double up contraception. We need to make sure our children know this. My sons and daughters are equally educated about this. Being male is not an excuse to not know this stuff.

I am the result of mum being on the pill and antibiotics! It for sure can fail.

The pill is 99% effective provided you remember to take it every day.
It is less effective than the coil because many women forget to take it.

The coil is consistently 99% effective because it doesn't rely on the user.

Condoms are only 82% effective (not very reliable at all - and when you add in alcohol - pretty useless).

https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/choosing-contraception/how-well-it-works-at-preventing-pregnancy/

Your one of those mums who think everybody and his cat should step in and help because you have children, aren’t you?

OP after your last couple of updates, Claire is an absolute cunt and you’re better off rid of her. Is she gunning for baby 5?

How fucking dare her mum imply that a sensibly childless you should be supporting her more. If she ever tries it again, straight to the police, you’ve had a child abandoned with you.

Shame the child's mother didnt want the child

Wow your ex friend is incredibly cheeky to do this to you. Hopefully now you’ve drawn a clear boundary she will not do this to anyone again.

I’ve fallen pregnant on the coil. I had my mirena in for quite some time when I found out as well.

Not every contraceptive failure is human error.

Your friend is a twat. She’s brought children into the world without actually thinking of the implications. Her poor children are likely suffering from her appalling behaviour.

I have 3 children, working full time with very little help and never could I imagine dumping my kids on my friend, especially when she’s chasing her next man. Disgusting behaviour and I’d be tempted to let her ex husband know what was going on. Maybe he would step up and actually help with the younger two.

Have you read her expansive explanation about how her friend ended up with 4 kids? Read it and consider apologising to the OP.

Her friend opted to be a a mother of 4 - HER CHOICE AND HER RESPONSIBILITY!

The woman dumped her kid on the OP despite having been expressly told she was occupied elsewhere. That is appalling behaviour.

Nah. The friend is a selfish twat.

She’s clearly envious of you because you’re child free, and can do all the things she wishes she had time to do.

Definitely wash your hands of her.

Unbelievable she thinks you haven’t done enough to help her. Cheeky cow. Newsflash Claire, the kids are your responsibility and every man and their dog don’t have to help you out. She sounds annoyed that you had a week off and could relax, but that’s unbelievable she thinks you should be using your leave to help her out. No doubt she went over to see her new fella.

Claire needs to focus on her kids, not dating and leaving her kids with anyone she can find. I didn’t date for over a decade when my kids were young, as I had no-one to babysit, I wouldn’t have dreamed of dumping my kids at a friends house.

Love, love love this response and your overall attitude.
I hate when people tell me I wouldn't understand what it's like to be a parent, when it's so fcking obviously hard which is precisely why I chose not to have them, because I know I wouldn't be able to cope.
I judge in silence.

I am also skeptical about people who say the pill failed. maybe they forgot to take it or take additional contraceptives when they were on antibiotics etc.
I was lucky enough to get get pregnant twice and both times it was as soon as we tried. I didn’t have any more children because I took the pill and went by the instructions.

Moving forward “ Clare “ would be dropped from my friends list forever . She sounds like a crazy manipulative lazy cow and as much as I feel sorry for her children it’s not your responsibility. She’s possibly already pregnant with baby number 5 now

I stopped reading after you said the shithead of a Father refused to see his youngest children. Did he not know that having sex leads to children? Can he not sort out his own birth control. Also this story sounds ridiculous.