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Original poster

My friend has driven off and left her toddler with me after I refused to babysit…

773 replies

DojaPussy · 27/02/2026 14:15

I have been friends with “Claire” for 10 years, I have no children and she has 4.

Claire struggles with all the children and her DH left her when she was pregnant with the youngest “Barry” who is only 2.
He didn’t want more than 2 kids but a mixture of pressure and “contraceptive failures” led to number 3 where he tried to cope but issued an ultimatum about any more and booked a vasectomy as he said he couldn’t risk Claire getting pregnant on the contraceptive injection again.
Before he could go ahead with it baby Barry was on his way so he packed his bags and left, he sees the two eldest but not the youngest two now.
Claire has only ever half heartedly tried to deny it was on purpose and just said she was 40 and desperately wanted another and was nearly out of time.

Claire is constantly asking me for help with childcare and I’ve helped a bit over the years but I hate it because she’s very soft with the kids and they are a nightmare to look after and I didn’t choose not to have my own to help raise someone else’s!

I’ve been off work this week and have been having a lovely relaxing time with long lie - ins, going to the gym, the hairdresser, seeing friends, hiking and just enjoying free time.
I was supposed to go away for a short break but finances wouldn’t allow it so I’m trying to make up for that with other little treats.
I have a pedicure booked today at 3.45 at local spa hotel round the corner and bought a day pass to use the gym and pool facilities then was meeting a friend for dinner in the hotel restaurant.

Claire asked yesterday if I could look after Barry today because she “has an appointment” I suspect its meeting someone she’s been dating because she’s mentioned before that he works from home Friday mornings then finishes early and she wouldn’t elaborate on the appointment except to say “it’s important”.
I said no I wasn’t watching Barry and told her my plans, she said he could come along and I said absolutely not it wouldn’t be allowed!
She begged me to change plans but I said I’d lose money and I won’t get a chance or have the time to go for a long time - plus I just don’t want to.
Claire slammed the phone down and I thought she had got message.

She turned up at my house about half an hour ago to apologise and I let her in and we had a little chat and after 15 minutes she started begging me to babysit again, I said no again and she started crying hysterically saying she can’t cope anymore, she’s then walked off to her car and got in it and has driven off!

I think the whole performance was planned and I’m not wasting my plans being manipulated into childcare.

I have a few options and looking for advice on what people think I should do next…

I could take Barry to his dads at work but that seems unfair on him,

Take him to her sisters who works from home (another frequent reluctant target for babysitting) in the hope she is in,

take him to my neighbour who is a childminder and see if I can pay her to mind him (and get reimbursed off Claire) I know Claire would normally be against this as she usually doesn’t like leaving kids with people she doesn’t know but after today’s antics I’m not sure she’ll care.

I have so far text Claire and left messages saying I’m ringing the police if she doesn’t come back and if the other options fail how unreasonable would it be to do that? I thought I’d give her half an hour where I have typed out this post and I’ve text her parents and I’m waiting to hear back from them in the hope one of them might be free to collect him.

I’m guessing all the people above have been asked and refused so that makes it trickier.

I’m seething with anger and can’t believe she’s done this. It’s the sort of thing that’s in cheeky fucked legend but you don’t think anyone would do in real life!
It’s lucky we live in a small village where I know most of Claire’s friends and family because if I don’t track someone down Barry is getting dropped at the police station. I’ve wasted so much time on this already.

Changed my name not to be outing but tbh I don’t care if the situation is outing because if Claire didn’t want people to know what’s she’s done then she shouldn’t have done it.

OP posts:
CarrierbagsAndPJs · 27/02/2026 23:27

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we have found claire.

Silvers11 · 27/02/2026 23:27

@DojaPussy I'm glad you managed to have a reasonable afternoon and evening, once poor wee Barry had been collected by his Grandmother. It's a shame that Claire took things the way she did, but you have done the right thing by finishing your friendship with her. She sounds like a user and manipulative as well as being a dreadful mother and you are well out of it in my opinion. Take Care.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 27/02/2026 23:29

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your friend is struggling. STRUGGLING and you are moaning like a two year old Barry about not getting your toes painted or your minge waxed.

Whenever I’m teetering on the edge of deleting my account, someone drags me back in with a comment like this 😆.

Calliopespa · 27/02/2026 23:30

DojaPussy · 27/02/2026 23:15

Just came back to do an update and see there is a “cancel the cheque” saga going on with people still commenting as though I’m still pondering what to do hours later 😂.

I am a lot calmer after a semi relaxing afternoon and wine but my friendship with Claire is over.

Claires mum collected Barry and said she was going to keep a close eye on the situation and if she hears about Claire doing anything like this again she will remove Barry herself.
She thinks a large part of it today was Claire being manipulative but she does think she’s overwhelmed and struggling to cope and said she’s angry at her choices and and thinks as I don’t have children that I should be doing a lot more to help.

Claire must have had her phone switched off or wasn’t checking it because I heard nothing until early evening where she had phoned repeatedly whilst I was in the gym and then she must have got in touch with her mum because I had a serious of abusive voice notes telling me it was fine for me to not know what it’s like to have kids and “be a proper adult” and that I have so much time where I could be helping with all the kids and if I was a true friend I would be.

I sent her a reply saying she was lucky I didn’t call the police and she needs to get her act together, she spent plenty of time telling me how motherhood was the only thing she wanted in life and I’ve done plenty to help over the years, her kids aren’t my responsibility and she should be appreciating what I have done rather then resenting what I haven’t!

There was a further exchange that got a bit nasty so I have blocked her because I tried to end it and she kept sending nasty messages.
At no point did she come across as someone overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a lone parent and it was more like she was having a tantrum because she wanted the day to herself - more then likely to see her new man but she denied that and said it was “an urgent appointment”.

As for her exH, I was probably a bit more generous towards him in my OP then I would be normally just out of anger towards Claire and on behalf of the the kids in this situation. I suppose I saw it that if she hadn’t pushed for this then those poor kids wouldn’t have a mother determined to dump them at every opportunity.

I do also think if you love and trust someone enough to marry them then you should be able to trust them over a big decision like bringing another life into the world especially if they make a promise they don’t want another and understand the reasons why.
I know that Claire told me her exH had tried to insist wearing condoms but she accused him of cheating and saying that’s the only reason a married couple would need them when she was on long term birth control, she told me and her ex you can’t get pregnant breast feeding and we both believed it, (she pretended she believed it herself) I was sure I’d heard it before and she said he just accepted it because he trusted her.
She was massively against the vasectomy and tried to talk him out of it, I think if he wasn’t going to go ahead so quickly she might have waited before Barry “accidentally” was conceived.

I’m not the kids stepmother as a pp hilariously suggested and don’t even know her exH very well, I just know she’s been a manipulative over everything else and I don’t agree with him not seeing the kids but I have a SOME sympathy for him. I know he loved Claire and was happy with their life and his reasons for not wanting more children were valid.

Hopefully this won’t happen again and Claire probably got a shock that I didn’t drop everything to babysit, she might realise she isn’t always going to get her own way in life and her mother will be looking out for the kids.
I don’t want to go to social services now because that just looks malicious and like I don’t trust her mother to keep the kids safe.

As for her exH, I was probably a bit more generous towards him in my OP then I would be normally just out of anger towards Claire and on behalf of the the kids in this situation.

I hope so, because otherwise your attitude to him was frankly a bit weird.

I think ending the friendship is a good idea because what comes across strongly is that you actually really don't like her at any level. You are quick to see the ExH's POV and to make mitigating comments in his favour but Claire can't even ring you at the right time (in the gym).

GrumpyButOk · 27/02/2026 23:32

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Are you "Claire" by any chance?

BufferingAgain · 27/02/2026 23:33

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Friends don’t call and leave a stream of abuse at someone who helps out but just doesn’t want to offer unlimited help.

Claire is not a long term thinker is she? She’s now a babysitter down forever when she could have benefitted from the occasional assistance.

RampantIvy · 27/02/2026 23:33

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Hello Claire.

SquirrelMadness · 27/02/2026 23:34

Glad you managed to have a reasonably good afternoon OP, I think you handled it in the best way possible. Your friend's choices are not your responsibility.

SquirrelMadness · 27/02/2026 23:36

Calliopespa · 27/02/2026 23:30

As for her exH, I was probably a bit more generous towards him in my OP then I would be normally just out of anger towards Claire and on behalf of the the kids in this situation.

I hope so, because otherwise your attitude to him was frankly a bit weird.

I think ending the friendship is a good idea because what comes across strongly is that you actually really don't like her at any level. You are quick to see the ExH's POV and to make mitigating comments in his favour but Claire can't even ring you at the right time (in the gym).

Show quote history

I wouldn't like someone who manipulates me into child minding, effectively dumping her child on me either. I would also be very angry if someone did this to me and to their own child,I think many if not most people would.

83048274j · 27/02/2026 23:37

Thechaseison71 · 27/02/2026 23:20

She would also have the option on a termination which men don't

Edited
Show quote history

Not every woman sees that as an option though. I never did. I made it very clear to my DH that if our contraception ever failed, before we had sex the first time, that I would not be having a termination and he could expect to be a father. He accepted this and that no birth control is perfect. Any man knows these things and so they are equally responsible for any baby that results.

StarCourt · 27/02/2026 23:39

Futurascope · 27/02/2026 22:46

If a man was putting holes in a condom or removed it by stealth and that resulted in pregnancy… it seems everyone would agree that was abusive and NOBODY would say “she could have abstained”. Why is it different this way around?

I agree with comments that it’s terrible he doesn’t see the younger too, but not how the father is being blamed for conceiving by not abstaining!

Show quote history

@Futurascopeits not different this way round though is it? Women are also able to abstain if they don’t want to get pregnant

AnotherChangeDay · 27/02/2026 23:39

Calliopespa · 27/02/2026 23:30

As for her exH, I was probably a bit more generous towards him in my OP then I would be normally just out of anger towards Claire and on behalf of the the kids in this situation.

I hope so, because otherwise your attitude to him was frankly a bit weird.

I think ending the friendship is a good idea because what comes across strongly is that you actually really don't like her at any level. You are quick to see the ExH's POV and to make mitigating comments in his favour but Claire can't even ring you at the right time (in the gym).

Show quote history

but Claire can't even ring you at the right time (in the gym).

No, the RIGHT time for Claire to ring was 2 minutes after she had dumped her child, to say sorry and that she was coming back. NOT hours and hours after she had done so.

And she didnt even ring to thank OP for sorting it out!!

Claire is absolutely vile

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 27/02/2026 23:39

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Have you actually read the thread?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 27/02/2026 23:41

Well done for ending it, OP, you absolutely did the right thing. I can't believe her sense of entitlement to your time simply because you don't have kids. Does she not understand the fact that her kids aren't your responsibility?!

You're well rid of her.

AnotherChangeDay · 27/02/2026 23:42

@Gambino1726
‘unfair to leave it with the dad’?? It’s his fucking kid - regardless of youf suspicions that your friend got “pregnant on purpose”.

So why didn't you Claire leave the "fucking kid" (your words say so, so much) with his dad then, and not OP?

TheMatildaEffect · 27/02/2026 23:43

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 27/02/2026 23:29

your friend is struggling. STRUGGLING and you are moaning like a two year old Barry about not getting your toes painted or your minge waxed.

Whenever I’m teetering on the edge of deleting my account, someone drags me back in with a comment like this 😆.

Show quote history

But did the op get her minge waxed? I need to know 😂

outerspacepotato · 27/02/2026 23:43

I don’t want to go to social services now because that just looks malicious and like I don’t trust her mother to keep the kids safe.

Your friend's mother hasn't kept Barry safe. He was abandoned today. Who knows what else has happened?

Why do you care what it looks like? There's a two year old and other kids in that house and your friend is too busy doing whatever to make sure her children are cared for. She's negligent. She drove off and left a 2 year old. This was a giant red flag for someone to officially get involved and make sure these kids aren't being neglected and or abused.

If you call social services, at least there's a record, and they'll be checking out her place.

83048274j · 27/02/2026 23:43

StarCourt · 27/02/2026 23:39

@Futurascopeits not different this way round though is it? Women are also able to abstain if they don’t want to get pregnant

Show quote history

Exactly. Sex comes with a risk of pregnancy, for both sexes. If you can't deal with that, abstain, both sexes.

Calliopespa · 27/02/2026 23:44

SquirrelMadness · 27/02/2026 23:36

I wouldn't like someone who manipulates me into child minding, effectively dumping her child on me either. I would also be very angry if someone did this to me and to their own child,I think many if not most people would.

Show quote history

I didn't say they wouldn't - or even that I wouldn't.

But it is just rather odd she can find her way to cut him some slack for ignoring his children's very existence yet Claire is somehow worse for dumping them with someone for a day.

I'd have been more sympathetic had we not had the weird defence of him in the face of the total denigration of Claire.

The bottom line is I just feel sorry for the children. What a crew!

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 27/02/2026 23:46

anterenea · 27/02/2026 22:48

Gosh the level of stupidity on here - that man had 100% agency when it came to of his decision to undertake sexual intercourse - he knew the risks of pregnancy and was not coerced into sexual activity - which IPV is per definition

Show quote history

He had sex in the mistaken belief Claire was using contraception.

I had sex with my husband without a condom when I was on the pill.
There was no need for one.
That was a joint decision.

It would have been utterly deceitful of me to stop taking the pill in order to get pregnant without telling my husband.
That would be IPV.
It does work both ways.
The women who do this are deceitful, manipulative, dishonest and not very bright because they are ruining the trust element of their relationship.

What you are claiming is that a man who has sex with a woman takes the risk she will get pregnant every time.
That's fine if she is not taking contraception (and they both know it).
The pill or coil is very effective when used properly.
A condom is not.
It has a high failure rate and is mainly useful in casual relationships for reducing the risk of STDs. I would not recommend anyone use a condom over the pill or a coil. The risk of getting pregnant is far too high.

Calliopespa · 27/02/2026 23:48

TheMatildaEffect · 27/02/2026 23:43

But did the op get her minge waxed? I need to know 😂

Show quote history

I think I shall forever think of it as "minge-waxing" now. It has a certain ring to it.

CypressGrove · 27/02/2026 23:51

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 27/02/2026 23:46

He had sex in the mistaken belief Claire was using contraception.

I had sex with my husband without a condom when I was on the pill.
There was no need for one.
That was a joint decision.

It would have been utterly deceitful of me to stop taking the pill in order to get pregnant without telling my husband.
That would be IPV.
It does work both ways.
The women who do this are deceitful, manipulative, dishonest and not very bright because they are ruining the trust element of their relationship.

What you are claiming is that a man who has sex with a woman takes the risk she will get pregnant every time.
That's fine if she is not taking contraception (and they both know it).
The pill or coil is very effective when used properly.
A condom is not.
It has a high failure rate and is mainly useful in casual relationships for reducing the risk of STDs. I would not recommend anyone use a condom over the pill or a coil. The risk of getting pregnant is far too high.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes but once they'd already had one baby (baby 3) whilst Claire was supposedly on contraception he was incredibly thick to continue having unprotected sex with her and not expect a fourth baby (poor little Barry)

Calliopespa · 27/02/2026 23:52

CypressGrove · 27/02/2026 23:51

Yes but once they'd already had one baby (baby 3) whilst Claire was supposedly on contraception he was incredibly thick to continue having unprotected sex with her and not expect a fourth baby (poor little Barry)

Show quote history

It's putting his own indignance above the child's basic human dignity.

Uticary · 27/02/2026 23:52

Keep her blocked and never allow her in your home again.
Well done for contacting her mother.
Keep away from her.
Personally I think you should still report this to SS.

83048274j · 27/02/2026 23:54

TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 27/02/2026 23:46

He had sex in the mistaken belief Claire was using contraception.

I had sex with my husband without a condom when I was on the pill.
There was no need for one.
That was a joint decision.

It would have been utterly deceitful of me to stop taking the pill in order to get pregnant without telling my husband.
That would be IPV.
It does work both ways.
The women who do this are deceitful, manipulative, dishonest and not very bright because they are ruining the trust element of their relationship.

What you are claiming is that a man who has sex with a woman takes the risk she will get pregnant every time.
That's fine if she is not taking contraception (and they both know it).
The pill or coil is very effective when used properly.
A condom is not.
It has a high failure rate and is mainly useful in casual relationships for reducing the risk of STDs. I would not recommend anyone use a condom over the pill or a coil. The risk of getting pregnant is far too high.

Edited
Show quote history

Unless he's an idiot, he knows that contraception can fail. He should double up by using condoms if he wants to be extra careful. I know people born from pill failures. You do take a risk on pregnancy every time you have sex, no matter how careful you are.