My DH has been brainwashed by tick tock conspiracies

[Stressymessymum]

It’s a bit long but I’m unsure how to deal with this behaviour.

during lockdown my DH ( previously was never into anything like this. was very normal, works in a hospital) fell into a habit of listening to conspiracy podcasts - he thought it was interesting and I didn’t think much of it. This hobby has carried on but increased and the last 3 months his behaviour is really off.

examples

No longer wants to vaccinate our children (oldest 2 are fully vaccinated, baby has had newborn jabs but not one year yet)

wants to home educate because he believes the schools are full of paedophiles and other kids ‘shed’ vaccinations. He doesn’t actually want to do any home ed. I think it’s something called unschooling but we both work full time. I’ve asked him for a plan on how he thinks it will work and he can’t tell me.

won’t let children socialise outside of school. Has removed them from clubs (for the same reasons as above.

wont socialise with vaccinated people (included our families)

wont drink Tap water. Baths in bottled water

refusing to pay council tax as it’s a made up scam (I do pay this 😂)

believes NASA/ moon landing/ 911/ holocaust ( and a long list of other things) is made up

That’s just the tip of the iceberg really…

I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he gets really angry and starts ranting.

who on earth do i talk to about this? I know he’s allowed his own beliefs but he’s dragging our children into it and the way it’s escalated I’m a bit scared xx

This article has some practical guidance on this: https://theconversation.com/how-to-talk-to-someone-about-conspiracy-theories-in-five-simple-steps-197819

I don't know if there is any organisation or outside support to help deprogramme people from damaging conspiracy theories. It shouldn't be on you alone to help him.

I found the bit in the article about becoming more forward thinking really interesting. Is this something he struggles with? Does he have a general sense of life having defeated him and powerlessness?

If he won't get help for the underlying cause of this then you have to protect yourself and the kids.

Thank you, the article looks like a good place to start to be able to talking to him (hopefully)

i know, if we can’t seem to get through to him soon I’ve got a plan to go to my parents with the children

And theforward thinking part I’m not sure. It did start during Covid like the article talks about. maybe it was a way to try and make sense of during an awful time.

He’s a danger to you and your kids
id be looking at how to leave the relationship urgently
You can’t reason with him

I am not trying to be flippant, but I am concerned for his mental health reading this. He sounds deeply unwell.

Sorry OP but he really sounds as though he has some paranoid mental illness. I don't think you can deal with this by talking to him.
I take it he wouldn't see his GP?
If he won't then you need to put your children first. And he is a danger to their health and wellbeing.

I know some people like this. I think it's their way of showing how much smarter they are than everyone else. It also gives them some level of control over their world. They believe what they would like to be true, and then find an echo chamber to tell them they're right.

Why are you allowing him to damage, perhaps irreversibly, your children’s social development in this way?

He sounds like he's spiralling into a mental health crisis. He's becoming a danger to your children with his 'beliefs', I would either leave or tell him to go.

Thanks everyone, I think Its the push I needed to confirm this wasn’t normal anymore.

whilst he’s in work in today I’m packing up to take us to my parents. I’ll ring the crisis team and see what they say.

honestly can’t believe this has happened 😭

They are still in school, see they’re friends and go to clubs but he’s tried to stop this but he works very long hours doesn’t see it. He just rants

Are you sure this is TikTok? I’m not saying it’s not there but I consume a lot and never see any of this so I wonder what company he’s keeping generally. Unfortunately @NotMeAtAllis correct. The conspiracy theorists I know have just never been able to “make it” in the real world and therefore resort to a fantasy world, which no one else understands because they’re too stupid. It tears families apart and I have seen the results of that on TikTok.

Agree with a pp this man sounds dangerous. Why are you letting him get away with taking the DC out of clubs and stopping them from socialising, thats awful and abusive.

I hope someone flags him up as a safeguarding concern with the school tbh.

Covid has had lasting mental health issues for many people, especially those affected or in the emergwncy services, he works in a hospital so would have seen the awful,effects. Plus there is evidence now that vaccines do have lasting effects. He is not rational, bathing in bottled water, that's his choice but how does he heat the water plus the expense. It's affecting your children, that can't continue. Does he have access to occupational health at work, would he speak to them or his GP. If not then you have to leave with the children, what he's doing is very damaging.

I mean yeh at this point I think you just need to leave/ask him to leave. Isolating you and your children isn’t ok.

Is he known to the crisis team already, does he have a history of mental illness. Is his behaviour likely to affect his work and put himself, his,colleagues or patients at risk

At the point he’s bathing in tap water I think it’s a mental health issue. Not that you can necessarily help him with this.
I would override any decisions about the children and simply ensure they go to clubs etc.
And I would be very tempted to separate - but I’m in the process of this and know it really isn’t easy

He baths in it cold. It’s not heated at all!

he sadly doesn’t believe in Covid either. Believes that was a massive scam too. it’s not just the Covid vaccine he’s against, it’s every single vaccine.

when im at my mums with the children I’ll discuss the gp and occupational health with him. I hadn’t thought of occi health. I have rung the crisis team too just for advice

No he’s never had any MH issues in the past.

No he doesn’t have a patient facing room and works alone so no worries there.

Sorry OP, this sounds awful for you all. Were the crisis team helpful?

You've done the right thing, OP - his delusions could cause serious harm to your children and it needs to stop.

That sounds awful op and sadly he's likely beyond the point of being reasoned with. I had a friend like this who before covid was your normal everyday citizen and very kind and compassionate but since covid she turned into a conspiracy freak and refused to see me anymore as I got vaccinated. I think she believed I was dangerous or tracking her or something. It was crazy. I hope your dh can be helped.

I've worked in MH for years and this is increasingly common due to social media and societal shifts but doesn't necessarily meet criteria for delusions or mental illness because they are sadly, common and cultural and societal beliefs.

All you can do at this point is end the relationship and look at the contact he has with your DC and address that via CYPSS if needed.

It sounds lile he has been radicalised online, and his behaviour has become quite extreme. This might be less mental health, more extremist radicalisation. There are a couple of resources for this, the Governments Prevent services which you can refer him too, or there is a helpline for ACT which provides information to people concerned that someone they know has become radicalised online:

"Call the ACT Early Support Line on
0800 011 3764, in confidence, to share your concerns with our specially trained officers. The Support Line is open 24 hours every day.
Please note this phoneline is for the public, friends and family that may be worried about someone close to them."

That.

Go to your mum's, for your children's same. I'm sorry, but it's too late in the day to bring him back from where he is.