My DH has been brainwashed by tick tock conspiracies

[Stressymessymum]

It’s a bit long but I’m unsure how to deal with this behaviour.

during lockdown my DH ( previously was never into anything like this. was very normal, works in a hospital) fell into a habit of listening to conspiracy podcasts - he thought it was interesting and I didn’t think much of it. This hobby has carried on but increased and the last 3 months his behaviour is really off.

examples

No longer wants to vaccinate our children (oldest 2 are fully vaccinated, baby has had newborn jabs but not one year yet)

wants to home educate because he believes the schools are full of paedophiles and other kids ‘shed’ vaccinations. He doesn’t actually want to do any home ed. I think it’s something called unschooling but we both work full time. I’ve asked him for a plan on how he thinks it will work and he can’t tell me.

won’t let children socialise outside of school. Has removed them from clubs (for the same reasons as above.

wont socialise with vaccinated people (included our families)

wont drink Tap water. Baths in bottled water

refusing to pay council tax as it’s a made up scam (I do pay this 😂)

believes NASA/ moon landing/ 911/ holocaust ( and a long list of other things) is made up

That’s just the tip of the iceberg really…

I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he gets really angry and starts ranting.

who on earth do i talk to about this? I know he’s allowed his own beliefs but he’s dragging our children into it and the way it’s escalated I’m a bit scared xx

It's never too late to try

It sounds like he has mental health problems and you need to take your children and leave.

I'm sorry, I didn't see this when I posted.

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. But you're making the right decision. Do take care of yourself.

Sounds like me when i was in the full throes of mental breakdown.
I hope you can get out/get some help, it must be awful to be around.

I think you leave, and get him out of your kids' lives. Let him be a danger just to himself, and the concern of mental health teams when he eventually comes under their wing.
He's brought this entirely on himself. Don't let him bring it on you/the kids.
I wouldn't bother trying to rationalise it with him tbh.

I've you're at your mum's, do let the school know. It might be important to prevent him going there to pick up the children.
If you're calling the crisis team, they might be able to signpost you to someone who can tell you what the school needs, to prevent that.

DH’s Uncle is the same. He’s created a bunker in his basement and started buying bars of gold a few years ago because he thinks the world will have a big reset and cash/cards will be irrelevant. Something like the new world order. His wife divorced him last year over it. He won’t watch any mainstream news whatsoever, thinks it’s all garbage. His was all from YouTube but I imagine TikTok will be full of it too.

It’s a mental illness but you can’t let it affect your children. They obviously need vaccinations and shouldn’t be removed from school or clubs on his say so. I would seek medical advice and honestly consider separation.

I do understand it. You don't wait for someone to do something bad, you intervene at the earliest opportunity. He has become radicalised online. Let people who know what they are doing assess him and decide if he is a risk or not.

I think you need legal advice asap. While I fully agree with wanting to get the kids safe to your parents, especially if he can front up convincingly informal settings he may well get 50/50 and you would get in trouble for blocking access. Then he would be with them without you there as a safety net.

The home schooling but with no plan is madness. No friends or socialising all of which will just have a negative longterm effects on your children.
And well its crazy not to get kids vaccinated. You just have to see the rise in measles to know this.
He needs help but probably wont accept it and his beliefs will get more extreme.

You have to leave your husband to safeguard your kids mental and physical health. I think you know this.

In the short term, speak to the health visitor about what’s happening so she can ensure that you get the information in privacy about the vaccinations so you can make sure they get them all on time.

The HV will also be able to signpost you to agencies that can help you leave. Before you go bankrupt due to the bottled water baths.

He may come out of this phase, he may be suffering from psychosis. He may not. But you can’t allow your children to be exposed to this daily as it will shrink their development.

XH family are like this. Huge contributing factor as to why he is an XH. Sorry I have no advice, only solidarity, the fear is awful.

No advice, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are dealing with this - wishing you the best, and that he doesnt try and escalate his behaviours with the kids.

Wow

You can afford to bathe in bottled water.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this? But glad to see you’re taking decisive action and taking the kids to your parents.

What do his parents say?

I love a good conspiracy theory - either because it’s so ridiculous it’s hilarious, or because it’s really well thought out and I can see how they got there. But to read them from that lens is very different to going down the rabbit hole and believing them all. I’m sorry this happened to you all, it must be a massive shock if he’d never been inclined to buy into it all before this

Sadly if he can’t see it all for what it is, I think your marriage is over. But it’s right for your kids that you get them out of there.

I know some people like this and sadly the vast majority of them just cannot be helped. There is no way to talk them out of it. You can only keep your kids and yourself safe.

I wish this was my biggest issue 😂😭

he is giving Cosco a small fortune. Rest assured the rest of us use tap water

He hasn’t always been like this and before Christmas it wasn’t really an issue…it just increased all of a sudden!

the crisis team haven’t called me back yet but I’ll update when they do

I’ve rung his parents but they think he’s crackers and we’re very upset when he announced the holocaust was fake a few weeks ago. They are happy to help us any way they can. They do live a few hours away.

it’s definitely from tick tock/ YouTube. He shares the videos with me often (that I ignore)

He’s mentally unwell and needs to see a GP.

I am so glad that they're supporting you. It must be incredibly worrying for them, also.

@Stressymessymum I would report this as a safeguarding concern to social services as it sounds like your husband has brainwashed himself in such a way that he is making unwise choices.

Sadly he has a right to withdraw his kids from groups and vaccinations but when you put the whole picture together it does suggest a mental health issue and what you don't want is to split and find he gets 50/50 custody of the kids or unsupervised visits.

You need to get his thoughts/rants documented. Its sad it has to be this way but feel no guilt, he needs help.

If he believes that the Holocaust is a lie, then he's engaging with some extremist groups or individuals, which is alarming in itself.
It does sound like paranoia, and I hope you can get support for him, otherwise it'll harm your children.

I agree. This seems to a bit beyond someone who just believes in the odd conspiracy theory. It’s really quite concerning.