My DH has been brainwashed by tick tock conspiracies

[Stressymessymum]

It’s a bit long but I’m unsure how to deal with this behaviour.

during lockdown my DH ( previously was never into anything like this. was very normal, works in a hospital) fell into a habit of listening to conspiracy podcasts - he thought it was interesting and I didn’t think much of it. This hobby has carried on but increased and the last 3 months his behaviour is really off.

examples

No longer wants to vaccinate our children (oldest 2 are fully vaccinated, baby has had newborn jabs but not one year yet)

wants to home educate because he believes the schools are full of paedophiles and other kids ‘shed’ vaccinations. He doesn’t actually want to do any home ed. I think it’s something called unschooling but we both work full time. I’ve asked him for a plan on how he thinks it will work and he can’t tell me.

won’t let children socialise outside of school. Has removed them from clubs (for the same reasons as above.

wont socialise with vaccinated people (included our families)

wont drink Tap water. Baths in bottled water

refusing to pay council tax as it’s a made up scam (I do pay this 😂)

believes NASA/ moon landing/ 911/ holocaust ( and a long list of other things) is made up

That’s just the tip of the iceberg really…

I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he gets really angry and starts ranting.

who on earth do i talk to about this? I know he’s allowed his own beliefs but he’s dragging our children into it and the way it’s escalated I’m a bit scared xx

He bathes in bottled water? A bath is hundreds of litres isn't it? How does he heat the water? In a kettle? I can't even see how that's possible if someone has to go to work in a hospital?!

I would be incredibly surprised if this wasn’t as a direct result of the weed. It’s much stronger these days, is well known to induce paranoia and lots of people are ending up on psych wards these days because of it.

The health visitor did say to me you can get your children vaccinated without their dad, so please do. (My OH isn’t antivax, the HV apparently points it out to everyone.).

But please get your children out, this isolating them will not be healthy and growing up around mental illness is not healthy.

Wow - I could literally have written this myself! The only part that is different is that our children still go to clubs, and baby hasn’t had any vaccinations aside from Vit K at birth. Oh and he doesn’t bath in bottled water but we do have a water filter for drinking, and a filter on our shower head! I am in the exact same boat as you, however I am now home educating (which I am not enjoying 😩). Nothing I can say except offer my sympathies and join you in solidarity. You’re welcome to send me a message if you’d like to share/vent/help each other ☺️ xx

Cannabis induced psychosis is a thing.

There are a lot of people who cope with the unpredictability of life by believing in conspiracy theories. The theories are a way of exerting control over life's randomness by giving the believers a feeling of secret knowledge that the rest of us (the sheeple) don't have. It's very sad when people fall into these echo chamber and extremely difficult to extract them.

OP there are a few support groups online for those whose relatives were lost to the Qanon conspiracies. Some of them have advice on how to approach someone who has fallen into a conspiracy rabbithole. There are also articles about how people managed to reach those who wouldn't listen. Mostly they are related to Qanon in the US but the principles are the same. Maybe worth a Google?

Can i just say I think you're extremely brave. I've never met you ofc, but I'm in awe at how you're taking action and protecting yourself and your children. You are amazing and I hope you know that. You're doing something very very hard and something not many would have had to do themselves. I hope that you are ok despite all of what is going on.
Sounds like hubby is going through some sort of phsycosis, could be stress induced? Drug induced? Either way he needs to get help and I hope he does.
Sending you loads of well wishes and hugs 🩷🩷🩷🩷

I think everyone is right here, this is dangerous to you and your children. Plus he is clearly mentally unwell because this has gone past interested/intrigued and into fully paranoid behaviour. You need to get out asap and I'd also document some of the damaging behaviour (isolating the children, withdrawing them from clubs, lack of socialising, refusing medical things like vaccines) so that you can get as much custody as possible. The problem is algorithms quickly take you from "ooh interesting" to only seeing that content, and the content getting more and more extreme, until it seems very much like the only thing that anyone is thinking. I don't think you'll get him back from this and I think you need to get out of there and keep your children safe and in school and vaccinated. Get them back to clubs and socialising ASAP too, so that they don't start to become anxious about the things their dad is saying.

I had to listen to a bloke waffle on about Covid being an excuse to microchip the population. When I helpfully pointed out we were all already very effectively microchipped long before Covid courtesy of our smart phones he nearly imploded. It had honestly never occurred to him.

I’m really glad that you’ve left and also that his parents are supportive of that decision. Please keep in close touch with them too - then they will know that you’re just protecting your kids but that you are very concerned about how wellbeing too (in case he starts talking about you as an evil witch turning against him)

Now you are somewhere calm and safe it will be easier for you to take next steps. Social services and others will have more expert advice.

I understand about the crisis team saying it’s his own views but the bottled water thing is a real stretch - be sure to keep them updated if new radical things come up eg claims that people on tv are talking to him etc. The fact that it’s escalated suddenly is a warning sign a psychosis

Ha ha ha that has made me really chuckle

Please get your children vaccinated, whatver your husband thinks . Make that mmr appt. There is a huge measles out break. It can lead to blindness and brain damage. You won’t forgive yourself if the worst happens and you didn’t protect them due to your DH’s ill informed views

Look these other posters claiming hes a dangerous etc are being incredibly extreme, hes not a danger to you or your children, only very very extreme cases are dangerous. My partner went through YEARS of this kind of stuff, started just before Covid and ramped up and it made him extremely depressed. Hes decided to no longer focus on any of it, and hes now back to normal.

Its a phase, its a long phase but it eventually passes. Relationships and marriage clearly mean very little to the women of mumsnet these days.

No advice because I mostly let him get on with it, yeah it was hard at times and almost like he was spiralling into delusion but he had to decide for himself to get better and he did.

There are a lot of people who cope with the unpredictability of life by believing in conspiracy theories. The theories are a way of exerting control over life's randomness by giving the believers a feeling of secret knowledge that the rest of us (the sheeple) don't have. It's very sad when people fall into these echo chamber and extremely difficult to extract them

Very sad but true. For millenia, humans turned to religion/the Gods/ Spirit World when stuff happened that they couldn't understand. But then science came along which clearly explained 99% of mysteries and phenomenal. But not everyone understands the science so turn back to wacky conspiracy theories etc.

This. A million times over.

Really? He's not letting the children socialise, even with family. He doesn't want them educated at school, and neither parent can physically homeschool. He doesn't want them to be vaccinated. And you don't think he's dangerous?

Your plan for if DH doesn't back down about the conspiracy theories is right.

In principle, as an adult he can believe what he likes. In practice, when those beliefs start negatively affecting those around him it's time for some distance.

I disagree that he's likely to be immediately dangerous in terms of the potential for violence or doing is family physical harm - if he is then a significant proportion of the population is dangerous as well because his views are now widely shared.

Where he is dangerous is in relation to the impact on your lives, anti Vax with measles spreading, and demanding the kids are removed from normal childhood activities.

So I'd be leaving him anyway and applaud the OP for taking decisive action.

who on earth do i talk to about this?

Your divorce solictor.

I home educate an there’s tons of these kinds of people

undchooling can work…..not seen it work a lot. Maybe 1-2 cases out of about 3500 that I know of in our area that did well. One went to NASA. But both are highly newurdiverse. They were so intelligent and the mums didn’t have to coax their kids

i I don’t believe it works. I don’t do it. I think if you tell a 7 yr old they can either play or learn to read then they’ll choose to play…I believe education kids need a push!

but yeah. I once had a conversation with a man who believed the government were dropping nano technology from planes into our skin and learning everything about us.

I was an engineer, so I told him that we don’t have the infrastructure for that and that it was highly unlikely that it would ever happen, plus we have Facebook where you voluntarily tell people anyway so it doesn’t matter the government don’t need to do that

There are some very mad people I was told that I was going to be HIV positive because I was vaccinated in the 70s

There’s a charity called prevent which is about radicalisation and whilst this isn’t that I completely understand but they might have some links that you can ask for

Hi OP from what I have heard and read, you cannot argue or reason your DH out of his views. If you try to do that, he will become more firmly entrenched in his thinking.

There is quite a lot written about how to deal with conspiracy theorists. One critical thinker I know is the American, Chris Shelton, who has a podcast and who has written several books on this, but there are others.

If you want to talk to your DH about it, then all you can do is ask him questions: why does he believe this? And why does he believe what people tell him and what is his evidence? Do not try to change his mind.

I agree with the previous post that separation seems to be in the best interest of the children and for your sanity. Not schooling them and not providing an alternative to education, not vaccinating them and in effect neglecting them is harmful to them so do be alert to what’s going on until you can separate from him.

What puzzles me about anti-vax is that they're fixated on vaccines in particular.

There have always been people who rejected modern medicine all together and that seems at least coherent, if wrong. But why obsess about vaccines and not all other modern drugs?

There was a case in America where a person was being refused a transplant because they wouldn't have a Covid vaccine. So they were willing to trust the medics and accept all the strong anti-rejection drugs were necessary but somehow the medics were lying about the vaccine?

Alot of conspiracy theorys are actually happening and aren't actually conspiracys at all however your husband is taking it to the extreme and sounds mentally unwell tbh . He's alienating you and your children from family and friends , won't allow them a life and wants to pull them from school further isolating them which will be very damaging for their education and development. I'd be planning my exit strategy sooner rather than later to protect your children