My DH has been brainwashed by tick tock conspiracies

[Stressymessymum]

It’s a bit long but I’m unsure how to deal with this behaviour.

during lockdown my DH ( previously was never into anything like this. was very normal, works in a hospital) fell into a habit of listening to conspiracy podcasts - he thought it was interesting and I didn’t think much of it. This hobby has carried on but increased and the last 3 months his behaviour is really off.

examples

No longer wants to vaccinate our children (oldest 2 are fully vaccinated, baby has had newborn jabs but not one year yet)

wants to home educate because he believes the schools are full of paedophiles and other kids ‘shed’ vaccinations. He doesn’t actually want to do any home ed. I think it’s something called unschooling but we both work full time. I’ve asked him for a plan on how he thinks it will work and he can’t tell me.

won’t let children socialise outside of school. Has removed them from clubs (for the same reasons as above.

wont socialise with vaccinated people (included our families)

wont drink Tap water. Baths in bottled water

refusing to pay council tax as it’s a made up scam (I do pay this 😂)

believes NASA/ moon landing/ 911/ holocaust ( and a long list of other things) is made up

That’s just the tip of the iceberg really…

I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he gets really angry and starts ranting.

who on earth do i talk to about this? I know he’s allowed his own beliefs but he’s dragging our children into it and the way it’s escalated I’m a bit scared xx

This sounds very difficult. You seem to be handling it very well.This world is enough to drive anyone to the edge. I hope he gets the help he needs.

That's good, but worrying that he thinks they aren't going when they are. I completely don't blame you for doing this though. And it's good your eldest thinks he's bonkers for not drinking clean water.
I bet it's all very tiring for you. My dad has a neighbour who thinks cancer is cured by lemon and honey and "big pharma" is pushing all these damaging drugs on people to make them more ill equalling more money.
Doesn't seem to have occurred to him that if it was lemon and honey "big pharma" would plant a load of lemon orchards - which probably isn't the right word - and have a load of apiaries to provide the lemon and honey.

Yes, this was my first thought. Could you speak to a doctor about your concerns? Obviously, (s)he will have to observe patient confidentiality but may be able to give you some ideas about how to proceed.

Get shut life is far too short!

I think it would be very worrying to keep your kids in a position where they might have to lie or hide things, such as going to clubs, from their father. Please don't go back until or unless he's had some help.

Given he avoids the vaccinated (how would he even know? We don't wear badges) how does he act around your DC who are vaccinated? How does he justify this contradiction?

I saw this the other day, from the science journal Nature about how fast exposure to social media can influence views. Thought it might be of interest.

*You have to subscribe to Nature to access the article, so this is a summary

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/time-spend-x-shift-right-wing_l_699f68f6e4b0ef1afcc0905d

Does he also hold the conspiracy theory that we are governed by a bunch of pedo elites?

Hi OP, did you tell the crisis team about the weed smoking? That sounds like it could be quite crucial information as drug use can trigger all sorts of paranoia/mental health complications! Good luck with the relocation to your parents and well done for taking such quick, decisive action!!

Paranoid thoughts can be a symptom of lots of different mental health conditions and it can also come and go.

My ex had a lot of paranoid beliefs that started after having children. The combo of work stress and baby stress led him to believe a lot of really odd things - especially after drinking alcohol. But he was able to hold down a job, and appeared perfectly normal in most other ways so I wasn't able to persuade him to get help. When we split the paranoid thoughts moved 100% to me and it's stayed that way for the last good few years. He goes through cycles where he thinks I'm planning to hurt him, and has told people all sorts of bizarre things that never happened. It will go away for 6 months then reappear when he's got work stress again.

Is he under and new stress? Redundancy rounds? Money issues? Family problems etc?

You're doing the right thing leaving. I hope he manages to get some help.

That's good and gives some hope that this may not all be negative.

What's your aim in leaving, not being critical here, I think its the right thing to do. Are you hoping it jolts him into reality or into getting help?

I wouldn't recommend living with him again until he has got help and you can see improvement or has this been the last straw for you - I can totally understand how tough it would be for you and the kids.

Do you have a fallback plan other than decamping to your mums - sorry I know its early days but you must have been thinking about this.

This.

I think its an interesting time at the moment because lots of conpiracy theories or the past are suddenly being revealed to have been true all along, eg the world being fun by satanic peadophill rings (Epstein), aliens are real (Obama & Trump), and the list goes on. I think this is making it more difficult to work out whats real and whate fake. However, I think you husband has lost the ability to rationally assess what's plausible and inplausaible. Maybe engage with him on the ones which are more plausible and have evidence for (you might be suprised) and then he might not see you as dismissive and start to engage with you on the more troubling ones that are leading him to isolate your childrne from society.

Aliens are real?!

I mean, I am sure other lifeforms exist somewhere in our infinite universe but what has it got to do with Obama and Trump?

Marijuana is known to make people paranoid I believe. It sounds like severe anxiety, maybe specifically health anxiety. Best of luck OP.

Are you concerned about his mental health because he is manifesting paranoid thoughts ?
Do you feel you or the children are in danger?

Before you go too far with Obama admitted aliens are real, so maybe we should assign credibility to vaccine shedding, I think it's worth pointing out that Obama said this about his answer, and Trump insists he the most popular president ever in history while his popularity is around 36%.

Obama's initial comments were made during a quickfire "lightning" round of questions.
"Are aliens real?" Cohen had asked as his first question of the round for the former president.
Obama's answer was subsequently run in different media outlets and attracted attention online - prompting him to publish a clarifying statement on his official Instagram account on Sunday.
"I was trying to stick with the spirit of the speed round, but since it's gotten attention let me clarify," he wrote in a caption that accompanied the video clip from the podcast.
"Statistically, the universe is so vast that the odds are good there's life out there. But the distances between solar systems are so great that the chances we've been visited by aliens is low, and I saw no evidence during my presidency that extraterrestrials have made contact with us. Really!"
Obama, who served as president of the United States between 2009 and 2017, has previously made comments about aliens and UFOs - telling late night TV host James Corden in 2021 that on coming into office he asked whether there was a lab "where we're keeping the alien specimens and space ship".
"They did a little bit of research and the answer was no," he said - but also pointed to records and footage of objects in the sky that had not been explained at the time.

Tell him that is what the TikTok weevils want him to believe.

I think some people giving you and him a hard time as though he woke up one day and decided to be bonkers - or as though you've chosen to be with someone with these views.

To me this looks an awful lot like mental illness. Red flags are:

1. Late in life change of personality - most people form extreme views in their youth.
2. Weed usage - we all have different tolerances and even a small amount will make some people very irrational.
3. Ranting. Even people with weird views can have normal conversations with family members especially co-parents and come to an agreement.
4. Control. He's getting more and more controlling.

All of this sounds to me like someone who is becoming more unwell. You're doing the right thing as it sounds like he's not far enough gone for mental health services to give a fig but he's sufficiently out of touch with reality I wouldn't feel safe personally. He'll need to want to get help and engage with the relevant teams.

Interested that the crisis team have said it is opinions. I would say not, in that his behaviour has changed significantly over a short period of time and that some of the actions are not rational (e.g. bathing in bath water).

You have done the right thing to safeguard the children. I hope you get the support that you need for him.

Interesting what others have said re weed. My ex smoked weed daily and believed in lots of conspiracies but I guess his views were less dangerous (eg he thought the pyramids were made by aliens). Your DH does sound unwell. Good luck OP

I was going to ask about weed as well. Heard about far, far too many people developing paranoia from it. Frighteningly common

If this continues it's unlikely your marriage will survive. Sorry OP. This sounds exhausting and a bit scary.

Be careful and be ready to call the police if necessary, he may try to take the children off you. In his deluded mind you are the one that is crackers and a danger to the children.

Ok, so he is being a little extreme here but he’s not far from the truth.

My husband became interested in the bigger picture during Covid. I didn’t agree for months but kept hearing his podcasts and suddenly I started seeing it too.

We home educate for numerous reasons and whilst I don’t believe the paedo in schools crap, there’s a hell of a lot of other stuff I don’t want my daughter exposed to.

It’s unfortunate that you believe what the government tells you but not your husband. Some of the most intelligent people I know are what you’d class as conspiracy theorists. They’re not, they’re just not blind to all the shit that is going on around the world.

Don’t immediately dismiss him, there is value in looking deeper.